Is it easier to be a feminist if you are a lesbian?

nooka, yeah I agree with you about touch- and conversation. Obviously looks are important in the initial attraction but if there's no personality there it's an immediate turn-off to me. Then the more I like someone the more beautiful they become to me.
That doesn't seem to be the case for men, although that could be a stereotype of male sexuality. I'm not sure men are as "visual" as we're all supposed to believe they are. I believe in the beauty myth; that it's mostly marketing and that men in general do want other things in women apart from beauty.

I have never been interested in film stars either, never had posters on my wall. I didn't understand the concept. It's just an image (although I appreciate the aesthetic beauty of Johnny Depp). Never done crushes either, I'm far too pragmatic. I've never understood the point of pining for someone you can never have because they don't know you're alive(which is totally different to pining for an ex!)

saF, I'm still having trouble with the "political" lesbian concept. I understand why women wouldn't want a relationship with a man, but that's not a lesbian is it. That's just celibate. Unless they are attracted to women, in which case they are lesbian or bi.
And I don't understand why not being with men is political, because if we all did that there'd be no babies. So I don't understand it as a political move IYSWIM. Is intercourse the problem? I know Andrea Dworkin wrote a book called intercourse, which I haven't read. She was a lesbian married to a gay man so presumably never had intercourse.
BUt if you fancy men you can have relationship with them without having intercourse.

It might be chance though Sakura or the appeal of the familiar. dh had an affair which is why we separated - he said I should find someone else, but I really never felt the inclination, although the idea appealed (of having some fabulous man fall in love with me that is). But then I've rarely fancied men in any case (or women) I didn't really do crushes as a teenager, rarely get excited by film stars etc. Perhaps it's because I tend to get turned on by touch more than anything else (I have quite strong kinesthetic leanings), which isn't very casually available, especially as I'm not very comfortable with people I don't know very very well getting in my personal space.

I don'T agree with bisexual partners being more likely to cheat because of unfulfilled sexuality, because as I said I find monogamy extremely difficult, and I assumed that this was the norm for everyone. I am monogomous for moral reasons, because of the pain it would cause.
But reading nooka's post, I realise that other women can "do" monogamy better, or even naturally.

I've been faithful for 5 years now, and it's been a slog.

saF, most bisexual people I've met are men. I was in love with one for a short time. A Russian. The most exciting man I've ever met in my life but a total narcissist, not that I think that had anything to do with him being bi.

But I know the porn idea you mean of two women snogging and can't be satisfied by each other and then the MAN comes along and satisfies them both with his 1 cock (as if )

I agree about physical attractiveness. Fancying someone encompasses so many things, not just looks. But obviously looks are part of it. And it's interesting how we don't all go for the same type.

I understand the concept of being essentially straight or gay or bi. It's the labelling I don't get.
For example, just reading my posts back I realized that some would describe me as bi. I just see myself as not choosy/chaotic, but in a liberated sort of way. My encounters have been self-driven, rather than passive, so it wasn't as though I just accepted anyone who came along. I've always really fancied my partners on a really primal level.

I also don't understand how bisexuality has negative connotations SaF. In what way?

But now that you've mentioned it I can understand why labelling is a good political move because then you can organize etc.

One of my best mates is a gay man. He's been out since we were 16 but he was one of the ones in the group of teenagers I used to hang around with, and he has fancied girls.
He remembers writing a love letter to a girl class mate when he was 8 or so. He also slept with girls but I think that was just to fit in with his mates.
Before he came out I wanted to marry him even though I didn't fancy him, because I instinctively knew it'd be an equal relationship!
But he is essentially gay, there's no doubt about that. I've always thought it was obvious that people were essentially gay, not least because of the hassle society gives them. I remember him going through the painful process of trying to get the message accross to his dad that he was gay. He also said that before coming out he always had to sit on his hands to hide his gayness from other boys.

I think that's the idea, isn't it TBE. It's where the extreme Christian (and other) Right and the pornographers meet.