Am I being unreasonable about being offended when people think men should sit at the head of the table?

His Mam moving a chair in your house to show you what you're doing wrong isn't harmless, she insulted you not the other way around. Good for you.

Some women respect and know how to spoil their husbands, deal with it.

I hate this. We have friends and the husband will always make a beeline for the head of the table, no matter whose house he’s in. She will often bring him his food whilst he sits there waiting and the rest of us are getting drinks together, bring food from the kitchen. It’s nauseating but at least I’m not married to him. We now take it in turns to get there before him.

When marriage and motherhood were respected and revered, when everyone knew how to behave better and certainly dress better, when local communities thrived because mothers were at home and had their mothers, sisters and aunties down the road, when everyone spent more time outdoors and was offline, when adults grew up and left home earlier, when adults socialised, hosted dinner parties and knew how to dance, when parents actually parented, disciplined their children, taught them manners and certainly didn’t label them with fake diagnoses and drug or mutilate them…utterly fabulous!

It was years ago ,I'm sure I read an article that the NCB were dismissive of prior concerns.
Could you verify please ?

Well, if you missed the suffragettes and all of the waves of feminism.

Oh dear. I'm (relatively) traditional and conservative in my lifestyle by MN standards - we probably agree on lots of things - but this is puerile. It comes across like you've been watching tradwife influencers on social media, but have no experience whatsoever of what it's like to live in a family or culture where men really are completely in charge.

It's weird of her, and obviously based on some sexist idea in her head; but how is that space any different from any other space around the table? Just because she somehow ascribes extra value to it, that doesn't make it any kind of 'thing' - any more than if you have a little child who insists on 'their special bowl', because it happens to be blue, with all the rest being the same bowl but in different colours, and blue is their favourite colour... which must make that one 'the best'?

No, it represents the natural order of things.

With your diagrams I would have put two down either side and one at each end rather than squeeze MIL in next to someone. Assuming room fro chairs at each end

As a family of 4 we sit side by side. When my DM comes for tea I put DD at the 'head' as she's messy, wriggles and elbows everyone rather than have 3 down one side.

If in-laws come I put both my DC (DD and DS) at the end. I will not purposely put my DH or FIL at the end just because they're male

As for calling out MIL, if have sat her at the end if she wanted a 'head'

I've been watching a documentary about Aberfan, and the way the men from the NCB treated the women from the village is really eye-opening.

🤣🤣🤣🤣You're 100% at it
10 out of 10 for trying.
Are you like the old irn bru add
Family singing round the piano
I used to be a man.

sorry pressed the wrong button
not unreasonable. I would have prob set one of kids there or myself and said nothing If I could. I actually tend to take table end if we are out at restaurant - as it’s easier to spoon feed baby at side and watch older ones

Who does sit at the head? Growing up we had an oval table - there wasn’t a head as such. When we moved and got a rectangular one it was my mother as it was closest to the kitchen. When I married I guess it was my DH as I took the chair closer to the kitchen which was down the long side at our house. He actually did the cooking when we entertained but I did more of the toing and froing. So it was a practical choice each time.

Is this a joke?

In the 50s where women had no rights? Could be raped by their husbands and had no means to escape even the most serious domestic violence situations? Where children were systematically raped and beaten in institutions (often schools) and racism was completely normal? You’re off your rocker if you think the 50s were better than today.

Rich coming from you. Enjoy your evening.

My dad always sat at the "head" of the table, my mum to his right, nearest the cooker, and my older brother to his left.

@XMissPlacedX from your (excellent) diagram it looks to me like your MIL set your husband's place at the "end" of the table. The place at the other end (unoccupied in your diagram) would be the "head", since it has a person immediately on either side.

The point of the head of the table is to have the clearest view of everyone at the table, which makes it easier to be involved in/ control all the conversations, which your husband's position in that diagram wouldn't enable.

Not endorsing this, btw, just describing my understanding of it - the head of the table is definitely a thing, and it definitely does facilitate control, but it's not just about the part of the table - it's about the position relative to everyone else.

No one sits at the head or end of our table in my own family (or, now I think of it, in my brother's family...) Would I care if my MIL decided it mattered? Probably not that much tbh. Definitely not enough to confront or bicker with her about it.

Not in the least unreasonable, but it’s one for a laughing ‘It’s not 1850 any more, Angela — do keep up!’ and seat people where they normally sit, rather than festering.

I always have a fresh coat of lipstick on, and both myself and my children greet my husband from work, works beautifully for us 😘

You did the right thing @XMissPlacedX and you don’t need to feel bad because she has been a bit of a tit. She tried to push you in your own house, and found out you don’t bend.

How is that place so much better than anywhere else around the table? Or do you have a luxury chair there that can't be physically moved to any other space?

I always find it interesting when people choose to go down the “if you don’t know I’m not telling you” route. IME they’re either silly teenagers or adults who have very concrete opinions without serious thought behind them.