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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable about being offended when people think men should sit at the head of the table?

311 replies

TablePlan26 · 22/10/2026 19:19

I grew up in a family of 4, my mum always sat me next to her, my brother opposite me and my dad opposite her at dinner time.

I grew up and got married, became a blended family of 5. DH started to set his dinner place at the head of the table, I asked why, he couldn’t say.

I told him it made me uncomfortable, that we are not in the 1950’s and that I would prefer he didn’t, so he stopped.

DH mum has now come to visit, she was laying the table and said ‘I’ll put DH at the head of the table’, I replied that we don’t do that here, she said I was being over sensitive and scoffed, and continued to set his place at the head of the table, so I moved it and told her she was welcome to do that in her house, but not here.

Now it’s awkward as fuck, and I can’t work out if I’m being a dick or am right to enforce my own rules in my own home. DH says I should have left it.

Was I being unreasonable, bracing myself for your answers?

OP posts:
SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 23/10/2026 12:28

FunPartyIdeas · 23/10/2026 12:25

Oh yes, I'm such an immature professional Ms MyName, especially at the age of 46.
You've got be to pulling our chains here as surely nobody bows down to the patriarchy to the extent you do in real life?!
And if you are legit, you are simply supporting my feminist stance and not detracting from it so thanks for that 😀
PS. My husband does nearly all of the cooking in my house, and also does all of the packed lunches. He's a legend 🌟

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Ms sounds horrendous as a title. Poor husband! You don’t really want equality, or you’d make his lunch half the time. Poor bloke! I can’t believe some men put up with this.

FunPartyIdeas · 23/10/2026 12:25

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 23/10/2026 11:22

Yes, I definitely don’t like that. Very proud to be a Mrs and have the same name as my husband and children, proud to be associated with them instead of making such a petty and childish point. So immature.

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Oh yes, I'm such an immature professional Ms MyName, especially at the age of 46.
You've got be to pulling our chains here as surely nobody bows down to the patriarchy to the extent you do in real life?!
And if you are legit, you are simply supporting my feminist stance and not detracting from it so thanks for that 😀
PS. My husband does nearly all of the cooking in my house, and also does all of the packed lunches. He's a legend 🌟

MrsBananaman · 23/10/2026 12:14

sittingonabeach · 23/10/2026 11:42

I’m also assuming the precious head of the table doesn’t have to cook either

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And I expect MIL will be dishing him up a bigger portion, plus first dibs on seconds.

BrianAbsoluteWalloper · 23/10/2026 12:11

sittingonabeach · 23/10/2026 11:42

I’m also assuming the precious head of the table doesn’t have to cook either

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Oh, of course not - his feet are probably too big to get close enough to the cooker anyway; but apart from that, those cigars won't smoke themselves, will they?!

Idontpostmuch · 23/10/2026 12:09

NimbleTaupeTiger · 23/10/2026 11:18

Hey, I'm still married after 4 decades. We have two grown up successful children and two young grandchildren. We both had professional careers as well. It's possible to have both as long as you embrace a modern world that enables you to juggle tasks and support each other.

Go back to your twin tub and don't suggest that because women want equal rights they're bad parents or wives, this is simply not true.

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Actually in the 50s twin tubs were a luxury and many women were washing by hand. I remember a single tub and a mangle in the early 70s, shortly before my mum got an automatic washing machine.

MaIeficent · 23/10/2026 11:45

Dollymylove · 23/10/2026 11:18

And plenty of men are excellent husbands and fathers. There seems to be an awful lot of "man hate" on MN. Shrieking about where someone sits at a table. Seriously?

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I believe this is called "having a fembolism".

sittingonabeach · 23/10/2026 11:42

BrianAbsoluteWalloper · 23/10/2026 10:02

Would I be right in thinking that the kind of MIL who ensures that her precious big boy gets the special seat at the head of the table is also the one struggling to carry his overflowing banqueting plate to the table, whilst the women all get a couple of slivers of meat scraps and half a small potato, "Because we're watching our weight, aren't we?" ?

I’m also assuming the precious head of the table doesn’t have to cook either

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 23/10/2026 11:22

FunPartyIdeas · 23/10/2026 11:21

This!
She wouldn't like me either as I'm married but not even a Mrs! Or HisLastName!!!
What utter disrespect to my Sir Husband 😄

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Yes, I definitely don’t like that. Very proud to be a Mrs and have the same name as my husband and children, proud to be associated with them instead of making such a petty and childish point. So immature.

FunPartyIdeas · 23/10/2026 11:21

NimbleTaupeTiger · 23/10/2026 11:18

Hey, I'm still married after 4 decades. We have two grown up successful children and two young grandchildren. We both had professional careers as well. It's possible to have both as long as you embrace a modern world that enables you to juggle tasks and support each other.

Go back to your twin tub and don't suggest that because women want equal rights they're bad parents or wives, this is simply not true.

Show quote history

This!
She wouldn't like me either as I'm married but not even a Mrs! Or HisLastName!!!
What utter disrespect to my Sir Husband 😄

Sharptonguedwoman · 23/10/2026 11:21

likelysuspect · 22/10/2026 19:40

So the end of the table. Whats the issue.

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Patriarchal history is the issue.

Dollymylove · 23/10/2026 11:18

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 23/10/2026 10:43

And it amazes me you think all women have been brainwashed by modern, aggressive, feminism, which is a cancer to society. Plenty of women are still excellent wives and mothers.

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And plenty of men are excellent husbands and fathers. There seems to be an awful lot of "man hate" on MN. Shrieking about where someone sits at a table. Seriously?

NimbleTaupeTiger · 23/10/2026 11:18

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 23/10/2026 10:43

And it amazes me you think all women have been brainwashed by modern, aggressive, feminism, which is a cancer to society. Plenty of women are still excellent wives and mothers.

Show quote history

Hey, I'm still married after 4 decades. We have two grown up successful children and two young grandchildren. We both had professional careers as well. It's possible to have both as long as you embrace a modern world that enables you to juggle tasks and support each other.

Go back to your twin tub and don't suggest that because women want equal rights they're bad parents or wives, this is simply not true.

MaIeficent · 23/10/2026 11:10

I'm going to start opening doors for men, giving up my seat, and offering to pay the bill. That should show them!

pinkpony88 · 23/10/2026 10:44

DH and I sit opposite each other when it’s just us 2 but when we have wider family I sit at the “head” of the table because I’m the cook and therefore in charge! I don’t think it would even enter DH head to question this!

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 23/10/2026 10:43

NimbleTaupeTiger · 23/10/2026 10:21

I think it probably would have been for you! Your posts read like a cheesy 1950s washing powder commercial.

To be honest, I think your posts are just a wind up to see who bites. I cannot believe in this day and age there are still women who would think like that.

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And it amazes me you think all women have been brainwashed by modern, aggressive, feminism, which is a cancer to society. Plenty of women are still excellent wives and mothers.

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 23/10/2026 10:39

BrianAbsoluteWalloper · 23/10/2026 09:59

If you see the pictures below, the first kind will be the standard ones that are perfectly sufficient for the women and the children; but the second one is the kind that the head of the table will require, as he is the man and his superior position and inherent greater importance must be recognised as such far and wide by all.

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Fabulous - exactly as I thought! 🤣🤣🤣

DiscourteousDiana · 23/10/2026 10:27

As a result of this thread, I am forever going to deliberately seat myself at the head of every table should there ever be the opportunity to. After all, any man or their hand maidens shouldn’t get het up about it as it’s apparently so inconsequential and petty, right. It’s not inconsequential to me, though. Nothing about the fuck ass patriarchy and entrenched sexism is, and you’re a mug and perpetuating damage to all of us if you think otherwise.

NimbleTaupeTiger · 23/10/2026 10:21

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 23/10/2026 07:19

I think life was better overall in the past than it is now.

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I think it probably would have been for you! Your posts read like a cheesy 1950s washing powder commercial.

To be honest, I think your posts are just a wind up to see who bites. I cannot believe in this day and age there are still women who would think like that.

BrianAbsoluteWalloper · 23/10/2026 10:02

Would I be right in thinking that the kind of MIL who ensures that her precious big boy gets the special seat at the head of the table is also the one struggling to carry his overflowing banqueting plate to the table, whilst the women all get a couple of slivers of meat scraps and half a small potato, "Because we're watching our weight, aren't we?" ?

BrianAbsoluteWalloper · 23/10/2026 09:59

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 23/10/2026 09:22

Which seat is ‘the head of the table’? Does it have a velvet throne or something to define its’ importance?

What a lot of fuss about a sitting position. I am a child of the 50’s and I have never experienced this myself.

If you see the pictures below, the first kind will be the standard ones that are perfectly sufficient for the women and the children; but the second one is the kind that the head of the table will require, as he is the man and his superior position and inherent greater importance must be recognised as such far and wide by all.

Am I being unreasonable about being offended when people think men should sit at the head of the table?
Am I being unreasonable about being offended when people think men should sit at the head of the table?
susiedaisy1912 · 23/10/2026 09:27

I wouldn’t have bothered making it a thing with Mil she was only there for one meal. Your dh respects your opinion and it works for you as a family the rest of the time.

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 23/10/2026 09:22

Which seat is ‘the head of the table’? Does it have a velvet throne or something to define its’ importance?

What a lot of fuss about a sitting position. I am a child of the 50’s and I have never experienced this myself.

Dollymylove · 23/10/2026 09:12

BrianAbsoluteWalloper · 22/10/2026 23:53

yes he did probably did have the best slice of meat because he had probably been toiling all day in some shitty job to provide for his family

Unlike the woman who had doubtless had her feet up all day with a box of chocolates and several glasses of fine wine...?

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Aye yer right. Hes only a male. Shove him int' coal 'ole and throw him some scraps 😉

Missey85 · 23/10/2026 07:54

PoliteSquid · 22/10/2026 19:46

In our house the end of the table is where the baby sat - more room for a high chair! DD is our last baby and still sits there aged 14 🤣

Not something I’d get offended about really!

It was the same when I grew up 😂 the highchair went at the end of the table and for the most part dad ended up in the living room because their wasn't enough chairs at the table 🤣

SayItLikeItIsLetsKeepItReal · 23/10/2026 07:19

thepariscrimefiles · 23/10/2026 07:18

Why don't you give it a go? Check out what food a family could buy/eat under rationing and the same for clothes and limit your family to that. Get rid of your central heating, only watch one channel on your TV (BBC) and use public transport (you certainly wouldn't have had your own car back then). Only have a bath (not a shower) a couple of times a week.

It sounds utterly hellish to me as women had no rights back then (no access to contraception, no access to abortion, marital rape was legal) but that seems to be what you would prefer.

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I think life was better overall in the past than it is now.

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