Am I being unreasonable about being offended when people think men should sit at the head of the table?

It wasn't her husband it was my ex. And he hadn't been at work all day. She was in her mind 80s. But he did take his plate in the kitchen never scrapped his plate or put it in the dishwasher. I guess it was to much hard work.

Then how do you know MIL was 'setting his place' at the head?

Ok, I think you're just winding me up! If so, it's actually funny, and a fell for it!

OP’s table has 3 seats either side, so no need to have anyone at the ends

And the MIL moved seats and said she was putting OP’s DH at the head of the table. She was very much saying he was the important person in the house

When I do the Xmas/Easter dinner every year at my daughter’s house I put myself at the head of the table because I cooked the meal. Whoever is doing the dishes can sit at the other end. I can’t abide men thinking they are entitled to the seat because they own the oldest penis in the house.

The wives were instructed to plate their husbands meal and to serve them!!

I'd have pissed myself laughing. It would be the last time I socialised with them

Maybe she assumed he would manspread, so he'd get in the way less if there's nobody sitting next to him?!

Explained what? Do you really think the daughters would have needed explanation for a chair moving round the table? OP could have explained it’s an outdated tradition that they don’t follow as times have changed, but ultimately it’s just a chair round a table so it’s not worth insulting grandma over.

we sit on the sides and only use the ends if needed. The hosts would typically go to the ends of the table, not guests. Sometimes seating the hosts at the end isn’t practical so it gets shifted. Sometimes it’s a baby that makes the most sense.

so no, we don’t subscribe to man at the head of the table.

When was the last time your husband took you out? A husband needs to understand how to date and woo his wife.

That’s just weird - unless the table is absolutely massive! If people sit 3 each side, the person in the middle is squashed between people on each side. For 6 people, I would set the table with one person at each end and two on either side. Plenty of elbow room for everyone then!

The MIL doesn’t live there, it’s not her house? It’s OP and her DHs house and in their home, it doesn’t symbolise anything.

So how would you have explained it to the daughters, when I assume there is probably less space for the person sitting at right angles to them and an empty space opposite that person?

So the head of the table is where a man sits; ergo wherever a man sits becomes the head of the table? Does that mean then that he couldn't possibly not sit at the head of the table unless 'identifying' as not a man?

Unless you're in McDonald's and you insist on sitting in the throne in the kiddies' area (do they still have those?), is it not just the end of the table? Most family households will only have a table that seats 4 or 6 anyway, so it's not like it's somehow special, is it? If it only seats 4, then every seat is the head/end/side. I'd understand if you were at Buckingham Palace and on a massively long table with 50 seats either side and then Charles at the top on a golden banquette; but a standard household table?

Also, if we're assuming a 6-seater table - two seats along each side and one at each end - doesn't that basically mean that there are two 'heads of the table'? Or do you have to do something to the other end to deliberately make it noticeably inferior as the the 'bottom of the table'? Isn't this just like the old joke about confusing a fool by taking them into a round room and telling them to stand in the corner?!

Why sit him there then, if it doesn't symbolise anything? Why do to the effort of moving the chair?

Clearly the tradition of "sitting at the head of the table" is about import!

I would probably do the same if Im honest, 3 chairs opposite, when you could have 2 chairs opposite and the ends of the table occupied, gives people more room. Im a bit elbowy myself, I like a bit of space.

What if she said 'lets sit mum at the head of the table' and move the chair round. Would that be ok?

That's what would piss me off too.

We don't do that here, my house, my fucking rules!

Sexist wallpaper is a great phrase! Exactly what I came here to say. It's one of those things that looks like nothing but will continue unless we challenge it. And then it perpetuates the patriarchy by subtly implying a man is the superior member of the household.

Someone has to break the cycle. Well done 🙌🏼💯

Probably following an outdated tradition, it’s not a crime. OP didn’t need to insult her over it.

But why did she need to put him there. There were seats in the sides of the table that fitted everyone and in fact no seat at the end

I don't personally get aroused over any man believing he's superior to me. I find a lack of critical thinking skills incredibly unattractive.

Also, surely even if this is your bag, you want a man to actually act in a protective or commanding way? Not just cosplay a dominant man by sitting on a special seat? It has real "five year old" vibes that any man would want to!

I live alone and the last man in my life walked in and sat I the carver chair at the head of my table . He didn’t last long .

He had likely been working flat out all week providing for his wife, and she likely was an excellent cook who enjoyed it and felt equally proud to provide for her husband through food. Completely up to them, their marriage is their business.

It’s not a more important position in their house, because they don’t use the ‘head of the table’, so actually it’s just a seat and an older lady following a tradition whilst helping out as a guest. It wouldn’t have turned her DH into a sexist bastard or damaged their daughters. HTH.