My sister has been hurting her son

When he is a little bit older your DN will come to see what a wonderful auntie he has, OP.

Fair enough you weren’t trying to give her a hard time, but you were. I know that’s direct of me and I’m not meaning it unkindly. But you were.

Thank you. I know I said nothing that warranted deletion. This particular poster seems to have her own agenda, I will leave her to it. Others are in agreement so it’s clearly not just me seeing her in this way.

I wasnt trying to give her a hard time tbh, I was just trying to ask her if she could step up more than financially as she didn't feel it was enough herself. And if she felt like that then can she do more?!

Honestly the pile on here has been insane. I didn't even say she needed to fly anywhere, I said that if it were me then I would.

OP I’m so very sorry your family is dealing with this, the poor little boy, my heart absolutely breaks for him. It sounds like your parents and yourself are doing everything you can. He is lucky to have you.

I read your post and IMO you said nothing deletion worthy. But best to move on, it isn’t helping the OP 👍🏻

So let’s assume she can’t rather than give her a hard time over it @Arabelllllllla .

It’s a pity others will now not see my actual words .. which were not what you are saying here, given that you’ve managed to get my post deleted, along with others it seems.

I never said it was. I have my own child and a job, it wouldn't just be me jumping on a plane and waving bye bye. Its a bit glib to suggest that. But if a situation serious enough warranted it (and this would to me), then I would be making a plan to physically get myself there as soon as possible.

Because I would want to know I'd done everything within my power.

Its interesting that assumptions have been made here as to why somebody can't help, but none of that information has been provided. Again I'll state what I've said about 15 times now "if she can then she should". Can being the operative word.

Yeah you were blaming OP more or less. Shame on you.

@Arabelllllllla what people say they would do for someone and what they can actually do in the circumstances are very different.

We don’t know where the nephew lives: the OP might not be able to get residency there. She might have health issues which would mean an application would be declined or a minor criminal record (sorry OP not suggesting this is the case obviously.)

She would need work, funding, work out what to do with her existing home, relationship, own children (I can’t see if she has them or not.)

It isn’t as simple as just blithely getting on a plane and waving.

I explicity posted to OP that it wasn't her fault or her parents. Im just shocked generally speaking that this goes so unnoticed. I absolutely did not blame her at all, if I have then please repost it so I can apologise.

And yes I would uproot my life for my nephew, if I thought there was any risk that he could end up in more danger or back with an abuser. Its interesting because I dont have a huge support network or lots of money, but I know this would be a priority for me personally. And I've repeatedly said "if she can then she should" which I stand by. Dropping everything at a minutes notice may not be possible but it sounds like the parents may need help in the future too.

I feel very strongly that we all should protect children, even if it is difficult for us as adults. I'm applying to become a foster carer for that reason myself. Because I want to do as much as I can.

This is a terrible situation for the poor little boy, but absolutely none of it is your fault. Now you are aware you are doing all that you can. People who abuse children are usually very good at covering it up. They are despicable and hopefully justice will prevail and they will be punished by the law.

Tbh @Arabelllllllla i think you’ve been really unfair as well. I can see you feel strongly about it but there IS a limit as to what someone in another country can reasonably be expected to do.

Just read through your PP’s, it’s not helpful to blame someone else for not noticing, as I’ve just said in my PP my niece is autistic and had some bruises the other day (completely innocent and explainable) but never in a million years would I accuse my sister, so I get how OP can be so blindsided by this.

Also, you have DC and commitments but you’d willingly uproot your life over something like this? There speaks someone with a support network, an overdraft, and decent sick pay/leniency to work from home, even in a foreign county. Her nephew is safe with grandparents, she’s not leaving him in foster care whilst she’s on holiday

2 investigations are going to be happening side by side.
Police will be investigating possible
charges, gathering evidence with the hope of securing a prosecution.
At the same time, social services are investigating whether the evidence is going to be enough to support your nephew staying out of parental care and also, where is the most stable and safe place for him to be.
Giving your parents guardianship is essentially removal of your sisters parental rights and that’s a big step (legally) so social services need to prove that your sister is an ongoing threat/unable to keep your nephew safe while also proving that your parents are physically, emotionally and financially able to provide for him.

Both investigations are done differently and are looking at achieving different things, and the timelines for them can differ hugely.

As for how you can help - you’re doing it already.

When children are placed into foster care or with adopted parents, the advice is generally to maintain as much of their routine as possible as it gives them a base that builds a feeling of safety (usually this is about mealtimes, bedtimes, schooling) but will also include family interactions. If he’s not used to seeing you often, you suddenly arriving could potentially make him more unsettled.
By video calling and just being present while he gets used to you, you’re giving him a chance to adjust to his new life.

And absolutely do not underestimate the difference additional funding can make if you can spare it. Allowing him to access therapies, softplay sessions, clothes (as I’m sure he’s growing every 5 minutes at that age) will be benefiting him in ways you won’t be able to see for a while.

The only questions I’d be asking now is around your parents - are they strong enough to keep your sister away? Social services may state that either no visits or supervised only are allowed and your parents will need to make sure that happens. She won’t be allowed to just pop in, see him at Christmas etc.
It sounds straight forward but they’ll be ending a relationship with their child in order to keep your nephew safe and that can be tough.

As for your sister, I’m not sure what to say. I don’t think I’d be able to have a relationship with her.
It’s been proven so many times that the risk to a child increases in such a big way when a new partner joins the household but I will never understand how a mother can both do that and watch her so called partner do that to her child either.

Sadly this is all too common, especially when a new partner comes on the scene. Your poor nephew. Please don’t let your mum soften towards your sister at any point.

I didn’t call you despicable… I said you were being despicable here. There is a difference.

Please don’t point out something I have not done.

As I stated, correctly, they need to be punished. And they need to go to prison.

And hopefully thats exactly what will happen but its a bit baffling why so many posters are acting like this pair have already been tried and acquitted.

I am so sorry, I think the word grief is appropriate, my niece is autistic, I’d never imagine my sister hurting her (I have no reason to think she ever has either) and I can’t imagine the shock or yeah, grief, if it turned out she had. My niece had a bruise the other day (completely innocent, completely explained) but what I’m getting at is I have no reason to be suspicious of my sister, my mind would never go to anything sinister. So try and be kind to yourself and focus on caring for your nephew.

So you think calling someone with a trauma history "despicable" is a good look either? Because it wouldn't make you a better person.

Ive already said I would do everything in my power to ensure I could travel, and if the OP can then I hope she does. Because I genuinely feel for that little boy and the rest of the family.

I wont respond to you again, just wanted to point out verbally abusing someone you think is a trauma survior is not a morally superior action.