My sister has been hurting her son

As horrific as the videos are, it's helpful she sent them. That evidence is forever.

But OP, you could also consider talking to a therapist about this because it's clearly had an impact on your wellbeing.

It could take a very long time.

Police want a strong case and to gather all the evidence. Then they will prosecute and take to court. Sis and partner will likely plead not guilty, then there will be another long wait for trial.

Police and social services will not be in a rush both because they want to get it right and because the only risk they pose is to DNephew and they won't be allowed anywhere near him unsupervised. So, from their point of view the risk is managed.

How dreadful for all of you.
There is no point in beating yourself up over this. Look to the future - your nephew is now safe, with people who love him dearly. And even though you live away, with modern technology you can still have contact and be his loving Aunt. So many of these cases have family and friends who are aware of trouble and do nothing.
You and your family sound lovely and with your support I'm sure the little one has a great future.

OP, please don't feel guilty. None of this is your fault. You can be part of the little boy's second chance, alongside your wonderful parents.
💐

Completely agree. Although my posts are getting deleted due to this 🤨

Thats not why I used the word admitted, it literally just means acknowledging something. Not that she's reluctant. I didn't assume that, it's obvious how much she cares about her nephew, she's devastated.

And I've already apologised twice to the OP for how my posts have come across, if you read to the bottom of the thread. So perhaps this was a bit unnecessary? As Im aware I should have spoken about this differently.

OP this is heartbreaking to read, you and your parents sound absolutely wonderful. Your poor nephew - my heart is breaking for the little lad.

If your family are in the North East of England give me a DM as I know someone who is a child trauma therapist and works with families - she is amazing x

I totally get it. I feel very strongly about my own nephews, close to what I feel for my own DC.

I used to work in retail and I remember once a dad came in with his DS, about 8 years old. The dad said the DC had autism and I think he was non verbal. He was trying to get him to try something on and he didn't want to. His dad aggressively wrestled him to the floor and sat on him and told me to "just do it", that was put the item on him. I was horrified and refused to do it. Then the mum came along, asked why I hadn't done what I was asked and I told her that I am not forcefully doing something to a child. She then gave me a major dressing down and went to the management to complain about me.

If I had been a bystander and not working at the time, I would have ripped into those parents and told them I was calling the police or social services.

I just don't get the mentality of your sister. I genuinely thought that most women would never choose a man over their child.

@Kickpot
Well Done for doing the right thing
I will get flayed for making this point that I truly belive should happen
But here goes,
Which is
If you are responsible for true child/toddler/baby abuse/cruelty and its proven without doubt then the
Women should be sterilised and the
Men given a beyond "the snip" snip
So neither can never ever have children again I tell you,
What frightens me is your sister
Getting pregnant again.......

Come off it! You've been really condescending and judgy about OP in your previous posts and even the post that you call 'writing something nice to OP' used the same sort of scolding language, particularly when you said:

'Ive just seen this, where you've admitted that you will probably need to step up in the future.'

The use of the word 'admitted; implies that that OP is reluctant to help and that she's been shamed into saying that, which is completely unfair. OP offered to take her nephew in the beginning but she and her parents thought it was probably best for him to remain in his school for the time being.

Failing to attend contact is one of the quickest ways to ensure she won't get him back if I'm honest.

Please don't blame yourself - you and your parents are stepping up and providing a loving home. I hope your little nephew has the best life possible and I'm sending you all best wishes. As for your sister, I have no words

I am so sorry @Kickpot your poor nephew. I cried reading your thread, and I can only imagine the depth of feeling you and your parents must have. You, and they, sound like lovely people, who are trying to do your very best in an absolutely shocking, heartbreaking situation. I have no insight or advice, but just wanted to wish you all well, at a really disturbing time, especially your little nephew 💙

Can you please just stop ! We are all now well aware of your opinion

Oh OP. This made me cry. Of course you are grieving. Sending you all love

OP, does your sister still think she's done nothing wrong? She is clearly sticking with this partner, despite the abuse, which it sounds like she has normalised as them 'disciplining' him or dealing with tantrums. It does seem in a lot of these situations (and this is just my observation and not based on evidence) that the abuse usually starts when the mum gets a new partner.

I can understand why close family didn't see what's going on. It must be almost impossible to believe your sister is capable of such a thing. I can't imagine ever believing such a thing of my own siblings - even though I know that's exactly how abusers do get away with it.

Is this an option? How settled are you abroad?

Bear in mind OP has her own children as well.

@Kickpot , how awful for you all and how brave you are to face this in a way that puts your nephew’s needs first.
You were not responsible for any of this nor were your parents and you’ve all done all you can to protect and care for the little boy. Move forward with his best interests at the forefront and try to accept your lack of culpability. You may find counselling helpful. 💐

You and your parents are doing a fantastic job. The teacher is also to be highly commended for spotting things and acting. He is safe now in the arms of your parents, with you providing as much support as you can.

I hope she never gets any kind of unsupervised access to the child ever again.

The situation sounds to me like she is one of those people in thrall to their partner and will do anything (including child abuse) to keep him.

I want to say sorry directly that it seemed like I was attacking you, that was not what I meant to do. My motivation really was because you sound like you are probably the best person (along with your parents) to protect your nephew, and I was probably a bit overzealous in the way I was communicating it. I can see it wasn't helpful.

For avoidance of doubt I do not think its your fault, or your parents! At all.

@Kickpot I’m ignoring the poster with the vendetta against me so as not to derail your thread any further. You are fantastic in what you’re doing for your nephew, mum and dad. I wish you all the best going forward, I wish your nephew the most beautiful life from now with the loving relatives now looking after him, and his amazing auntie doing her absolute best for him. 💐💐

Well i apologise to OP if it came across that way because that genuinely wasn't my intention. Im just completely horrified by the situation and wanted to make sure her sister has no access to the nephew ever again, it hits home horribly when you have your own kids as well.

Thank you for engaging with me in nice way, I don't mind people being direct at all.