My sister has been hurting her son

This happens time and time again and basically she’s chosen a man over her son unfortunately. I hope your nephew gets to stay with your parents and I’m sorry you’re going through this.

So sorry OP. Just unbearable to think of. Thank goodness you and your parents are there to step in and provide your nephew with a loving environment from now on.

How old is your sister? Is she quite impressionable? It's crazy that she showed no inclination of this kind of thing. It's scary that somebody can be so different from how they seem.

Shize, this is hard to read. So sorry this is happening to you.

I'm so sorry this has happened to your nephew. If your sister wasn't like this before then it sounds as though she's been massively influenced by her boyfriend. It's hard to think that someone could change to that extent.

Do the police have the videos now?

I have sgo of a child. The parents were convicted of child abuse against him he's been with us since he was 2. Sorry to shock everyone but the bastards are still allowed court decided contact with him. He's 9 now. Learning difficulties and delays thanks to brain damage and I waste my time sending his parents letters and photos. I'm threatened with court if I dont. Child currently doesn't want to see them and I'm being constantly hounded by social workers to restart visits. Again back to court soon I imagine and social services will start supervising their visits despite the child not wanting them.
Sorry your family is going through this too op.
Here's the real kicker. I pay for all my own legal expenses when we are taken to court which tends to be every couple of years. Had easily cost me over 25k now and the parents get legal aid individually. Its so wrong

Hi. How awful. I just wanted to say that I adopted two children. Many adopters are raising children whose birth parents did awful things to them. Often the birth parents are in complete denial, or one blames the other.

Anyway, services are used to dealing with children who have been badly treated like this. Make sure your parents get support from one of the kinship carer organisations sovthey understand their rights and what support may be available. CAMHS should be involved to help him process his trauma.

Good luck

Oh what a nightmare. I'm so glad he has your parents as familiar and loving adults who you can trust to have his best interests at heart in a family home. How traumatic for all concerned. It sounds like you're still processing what this all means and it's great that you're able to help financially and be a listening ear for your parents. It must have been such a shock and rattled you all.

It’s a returning troll @Kickpot , they’ve been banned and deleted a few times today.

Look after your mum OP. She must be shell shocked and is facing a very hard road. At a time of life when she could have reasonably been expected to slow down she is parenting a traumatised child with complex needs while dealing with her emotional response to her own daughter. The physical, emotional and financial strain will be huge, and the best and most loving will in the world doesn't give extra capacity.
She will likely tell you they're coping as she won't want anyone to take him away. But if you can, visit lots to check on her welfare and give her some respite.

@Kickpot please stop feeling guilty about something you couldn’t do anything about.

The people responsible for what happened is your sister afd her partner. You are not responsible. Your role has never been to ensure all your family members were safe etc….
It’s totally understandable for you to be devastated. To wish it had never happened. But it diesnt make you responsible for it.

Re living abroad.
I have some experience there.
My cousin lost her mum and her dad simply didn’t cope (he was later diagnosed as schizophrenic). My family is VERY scattered all over the world.
So when it became clear dad wasn’t coping and my cousin was basically becoming his carer (at 11yo), everyone stepped in the way they could.
one aunt took my cousin on. My parents provided financially, my gran too etc….
It worked well because each person did what was in their abilities.
I wasn’t in the same country, so I could help by being there. That’s ok.
My parents felt too old to take on a near teenager but had more spare money. My aunt was abroad herself but had a child the same age that knew each other.
Our gran was the common presence through it all despite beimg in a different place altogether.

Id use a similar approach there. Dint assume the only or best way to help is to be present. Have a chat with your parents. What do they need?
Would some spare money to pay to therapists help? Do they need some respite a couple of weeks a year? Maybe you could then step in etc…..
You dont have to be physically present to make a hige difference hin your nephew life 🫂🫂

I can’t offer anything more than has already been said but I want to say how fortunate your DN is to have you & your parents . You are doing everything you possibly can and his life will be so much better for you being in it
I work with traumatic situations like this all the time and forever feel humbled by wonderful families who step up to protect their child relative . Dont blame yourself , you are amazing in what you are doing

Was there ever any clue in your sister's personality that this was ever likely or do you think she has been heavily influenced by the man?

I have an older sister I am NC with and I can see this could happen with her. She has zero patience at all but if this happened with my younger sister, I would be stunned.