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Original poster

My sister has been hurting her son

313 replies

Kickpot · 20/10/2026 08:56

I wasn't sure where to post this, and I'm not even sure I'm expecting responses, but I needed to write this down somewhere.

I recently found out that my sister and her partner have been neglecting and physically and verbally abusing my nephew (her son).

He is 5 years old and this has probably been going on since she met her partner when my nephew was around 2 years old. My nephew is autistic and has only recently started speaking in a way that others can understand, previously he would repeat certain quotes over and over. I believe this is one of the reasons they were able to hide what they were doing as they would brush behaviours off as "autism" and he couldn't tell us any differently.

I live abroad and only visit my family once a year. I video call often and my sister would send photos and videos most days. I thought they had a normal life. If anything, I was proud of her as it seemed her parenting journey was much harder than my own and yet she was so happy. The guilt I have that I was too far away to notice that things weren't right, and that I'm still too far away to really help is all consuming.

This all only came to light as his teacher became suspicious. Then my mum found bruises. It has spiralled from there.

The thought that he has spent his short life feeling afraid and unable to ask for help is destroying me. The thought that my sister has inflicted such harm on a child, and watched as the man she chose did too, makes me sick. They recorded a lot of it. My sister shared the videos on the family WhatsApp as she believed they would absolve her. The images and the sounds never leave me, day or night. I don't know who she is anymore. I don't know how my nephew will ever trust an adult again.

My nephew will stay with my parents now, hopefully permanently. I offered to have him live with me but that would upend his whole life. He loves his school and he has all of his therapies already set up in their town. My sister wants him back though, as does her partner. That surely won't be allowed?

I don't know if anyone will read this. I'm just devastated.

OP posts:
ShutupLwren · 22/10/2026 17:33

@Kickpot how are you doing today hen? Any news from your mum, how is she doing? You’ve been in my thoughts, all of you.

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 22/10/2026 17:33

Kickpot · 22/10/2026 16:55

Thank you. I believe this poster is unusually interested in this topic and I do not think we should engage any further with them.

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Wow. I was trying to help.

Good luck to you :o

Original poster
Kickpot · 22/10/2026 17:07

Terrribletwos · 22/10/2026 17:04

How could it be proportionate though when it's quite obviously abuse? How did she justify it? She sounds a bit like she's got Mh problems. Do you think she might be bipolar? I have a relative who is and they're very delusional at times.

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I don't know. I hope she gets help if so. I will never speak to her again.

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 22/10/2026 17:04

Kickpot · 22/10/2026 16:54

She believes the footage shows that their actions were proportionate to the behaviour of my nephew. They were not.

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How could it be proportionate though when it's quite obviously abuse? How did she justify it? She sounds a bit like she's got Mh problems. Do you think she might be bipolar? I have a relative who is and they're very delusional at times.

Original poster
Kickpot · 22/10/2026 16:55

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Thank you. I believe this poster is unusually interested in this topic and I do not think we should engage any further with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kickpot · 22/10/2026 16:54

Terrribletwos · 22/10/2026 15:28

Omg @Kickpot . What were your sister's reasons for videoing all the abuse?

Thank goodness you and his grandparents are there for him but it must be extremely unsettling for him for his mother to have visitation, surely that will set him back?

She believes the footage shows that their actions were proportionate to the behaviour of my nephew. They were not.

OP posts:
Kickpot · 22/10/2026 16:52

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Original poster
Kickpot · 22/10/2026 16:24

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 22/10/2026 15:29

@Kickpot re: your post of 15:55 Ive seen the results of that and worse. I'm afraid, much, much worse.

As have, I'd bet, a number of police and some social workers who happen to have read this thread.

What I said is that I can understand how some people start down that road. My own personal understanding stops fairly quickly after that.

Again, understanding to some degree and condoning / justifying are NOT the same thing.

Anyway I'll bow out now, but I do wish you and most of all your nephew the best. And your parents. You havent said how old they are but they are going to need a lot of support - the shock they are going through, taking on a traumatised autistic little boy, fielding the social worker, the devastation they must be feeling about their grandson's mother, and becoming (in effect) parents when older is a lot.

That isn't the worst of it. I can't work out whether you're trying to "win" or if you get some sort of kick out of reading about child abuse and are trying to get me to give more detail. Very concerning either way.

OP posts:
ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 22/10/2026 15:29

@Kickpot re: your post of 15:55 Ive seen the results of that and worse. I'm afraid, much, much worse.

As have, I'd bet, a number of police and some social workers who happen to have read this thread.

What I said is that I can understand how some people start down that road. My own personal understanding stops fairly quickly after that.

Again, understanding to some degree and condoning / justifying are NOT the same thing.

Anyway I'll bow out now, but I do wish you and most of all your nephew the best. And your parents. You havent said how old they are but they are going to need a lot of support - the shock they are going through, taking on a traumatised autistic little boy, fielding the social worker, the devastation they must be feeling about their grandson's mother, and becoming (in effect) parents when older is a lot.

Youlostyourlemons · 22/10/2026 15:29

I feel so sad for all of you especially your nephew. Your sister and her boyfriend need prison time for this abuse but filming it? Proving they abused him? Thats insanity.

Terrribletwos · 22/10/2026 15:28

Omg @Kickpot . What were your sister's reasons for videoing all the abuse?

Thank goodness you and his grandparents are there for him but it must be extremely unsettling for him for his mother to have visitation, surely that will set him back?

67789d · 22/10/2026 15:15

Keeping in mind he was 2.5 years old when the first video was captured. In the last video he was 4 years old and he asked to go to nana's door.

My heart broke a little reading that 💔. Thank goodness he has his nana and grandad and you all fighting for him xx

DoubleBusy2026 · 22/10/2026 15:11

I’m so sorry for the repeated posts I’ve got crap signal right now!

DoubleBusy2026 · 22/10/2026 15:11

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DoubleBusy2026 · 22/10/2026 15:11

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DoubleBusy2026 · 22/10/2026 15:11

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Arran2024 · 22/10/2026 15:07

Kickpot · 22/10/2026 14:55

But that is not what I have described at all.

Do you have an understanding how a mother can, on many many occasions, position her phone and turn on the camera and then stand her small child in front of it and hit him and then stand back while her partner also hits him? Do you have an understanding of how those same adults can lock a child in the boot of their car, or how they can hold his head under water in the bath, or how they wake him in the night by screaming in his face? I do not understand that. I cannot find a single explanation for that behaviour that is acceptable.

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No one is saying your sister and her partner haven't behaved appallingly. I don't want to detail what my girls' birth parents did to them, but it was awful and still they got them back - the LA did realise that the birth parents couldn't manage and so they sent them all to a special house where the sws lived next door and came in and tried to teach them what to do. And it was a disaster. And still two of the older children went back.

I am simply trying to alert you. You say that the sw is being very friendly towards your sister - you need to understand how things can go and be ready just in case.

This is a good explanation of how local authorities are expected to proceed. https://www.localgovernmentlawyer.co.uk/child-protection/392-children-protection-news/100574-local-authorities-will-have-new-statutory-duties-in-relation-to-family-group-decision-making-from-summer-2026-government-announces

Btw even in adoption, the Gov has decreed more direct contact with birth family.

Local authorities will have new statutory duties in relation to Family Group Decision Making from summer 2026, Government announces

https://www.localgovernmentlawyer.co.uk/child-protection/392-children-protection-news/100574-local-authorities-will-have-new-statutory-duties-in-relation-to-family-group-decision-making-from-summer-2026-government-announces

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 22/10/2026 14:55

Minasama · 22/10/2026 13:37

This is really quite annoying to read.

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Sadly this is pretty common... Loads of services throwb at abusers little to the victims...

Original poster
Kickpot · 22/10/2026 14:55

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 22/10/2026 14:46

Im not.

Im sorry if that wasnt clear.

Having a degree of understanding how something can happen is VERY different from thinking it's ok.

I can understand how someone, in a moment of anger under enoughprovocation from an adult, can loose their temper and hit someone. Far less so when it's a child. That does not mean it's alright.

Please do not mistake some degree of perception with condoning a crime.

Edited
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But that is not what I have described at all.

Do you have an understanding how a mother can, on many many occasions, position her phone and turn on the camera and then stand her small child in front of it and hit him and then stand back while her partner also hits him? Do you have an understanding of how those same adults can lock a child in the boot of their car, or how they can hold his head under water in the bath, or how they wake him in the night by screaming in his face? I do not understand that. I cannot find a single explanation for that behaviour that is acceptable.

OP posts:
ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 22/10/2026 14:46

Kickpot · 22/10/2026 14:27

It sounds a lot like you're excusing it. I'm finding your responses really uncomfortable.

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Im not.

Im sorry if that wasnt clear.

Having a degree of understanding how something can happen is VERY different from thinking it's ok.

I can understand how someone, in a moment of anger under enoughprovocation from an adult, can loose their temper and hit someone. Far less so when it's a child. That does not mean it's alright.

Please do not mistake some degree of perception with condoning a crime.

Original poster
Kickpot · 22/10/2026 14:30

This reply has been deleted

Post withdrawn at author's request

And I'd like to make it very clear that I blame my sister and her partner in equal measure. The videos (that I have seen) started when she met him. I'm not certain I believe that's when the abuse started.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kickpot · 22/10/2026 14:28

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He asked to go to Nana's door (meaning my parents house) because they had held his arms behind his back and repeatedly slapped him in the face.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kickpot · 22/10/2026 14:27

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It sounds a lot like you're excusing it. I'm finding your responses really uncomfortable.

OP posts:
ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 22/10/2026 14:09

This reply has been withdrawn

Post withdrawn at author's request