My sister has been hurting her son

OP I’m sorry, this poor little boy. It is possible that this abuse coming to light has saved his life. I’m glad he is getting proper care now. Where is his Dad in all this?

Unfortunately as a relative of a foster carer, I can tell you that children removed from parents due to neglect and abuse (can’t speak for extreme physical/sexual abuse because I don’t have experience of looked after kids who have experienced it) are still forced encouraged to have relationships with their parents. I’ve lost faith in a lot of the system after being close to it.

Oh please stop blaming yourself for not being around more! It’s genuinely not something that would have changed the outcome, I promise you as someone who has dealt with family abuse, if an abuser wants to harm a child, mentally, physically, sexually… they’re going to do it regardless.

You aren’t to blame for your sister being abusive or bringing a violent person into your nephews life. This is on her. She is a vile human. You are very kind and clearly a loving aunty. Nephew is safe and he will thrive with your parents. Whilst it’s a dreadful start, with love and support and therapy he can live a happy life now. Grieve and process, but you have done absolutely nothing wrong here.

No one is suggesting they shouldt be harshly and properly punished.
But people who have not been found guilty (yet) are not put in prison unless they present a risk of harm to others while they are waiting for trial or they are likely to abscond from justice. They are sentanced when found guilty and won’t serve any less time.
Do you think a Police state where everyone charged with a crime is immediately imprisoned before trial would be better?

@Kickpot if your sister tries to see him again just tell her you’ll release the videos and the public can see what she’s like. She’s clearly a bully, she’ll shit herself at the idea of being shared all over those expose abusers page. Bullies respond to one thing, a bigger bully.

It’s astounding how many parents have mentally justified abusing their disabled children, it’s unbelievably common. My son attends a specialist school for Sen children and 3 kids over the years (these are small classes) have been removed from their parents. I’m not saying that the fault lies with anyone but the abuser but there is a shocking lack of support for Sen parents. I think violence and fear are often the only way parents feel they can control a Sen child. It’s not easy, I currently have a bruised face from an incident this weekend with my Sen son smacking me, I get how difficult it can be raising a child with Sen. But how can anyone think hurting and scaring them is the answer? Especially when your sister has wonderful parents who could have helped. You must be so angry with her.

Ive literally just written something nice to you, there has been no personal attack or venom towards you, only concern that your nephew has the right support.

Obviously you're under a lot of stress, but there is no need to say I dish out venom on here because I don't. Pretty unkind.

I do hope your nephew gets all the help he needs and this situation improves. Ill leave it there.

Sorry to hear this, I have an autistic son and I know situations like this are very distressing for anyone who has to deal with them. I can't understand why they would video the abuse and send it to you though - surely they must know it shows them committing a crime ?

Wow, thats horrible, poor boy. Thank god for the rest of you. Hopefully he’ll live a full happy life without them all.

Oh dear

Ive just seen this, where you've admitted that you will probably need to step up in the future. And im glad you feel that way because he will need people around him like you and your parents to get through this.

On this thread you've said you send money and lend an ear and you dont feel that is enough - and given the severity of the situation then that alone may not be enough, no. Im going on what you've said yourself, nothing more and nothing less.

I am not having a go at you, but I'm always more concerned with safeguarding a child than offending an adult. I think that's probably the correct attitude to have generally speaking.

Thank goodness he was removed from them before he ended up dead like poor Arthur Labinjo-Hughes.

Thank goodness a teacher noticed the bruising. Believe it or not mandatory safeguarding training for school staff didn't come into force until 2014. Now it's drummed into you, regardless if you're teaching staff or not.

I know it must be incredibly hard for you and your parents, not to feel guilty for not noticing. You aren't responsible for what's happened. The only people responsible is your sister and her partner.

Personally, if convicted, I don't think your sister should be allowed even supervised contact with her son. She should be striped of her parental responsibility. She's not fit to be called a Mother, let alone be one.

I’m so sorry @Kickpot, I really am. I have an autistic child and this has broken my heart. For some reason over the last few years child abusers have been recording themselves and whilst it seems one of the most stupid things to imagine someone doing, as well as cruel, I imagine for the prosecution it’s handy to have video evidence.
I know right now this is little comfort to you but he’s safe now. Many children die at hands of their abusers and thankfully your beautiful wee nephew is safe and loved with your parents. What wonderful parents you have. There are plenty of Sen parents on this site, if your mum needs support with the day to day of raising a Sen child here would be a good place to send her, and I’m sure if she looked at boards for adoption and fostering parents who have taken on children with trauma will be able to share their experiences and just give her a place to discuss whatever she needs to get out. You have been wonderfully generous with your financial offering. Your sister and her partner will hopefully never be allowed a child again anywhere near them.
I am so sad for your parents, they must be devastated their daughter is capable of such horrific behaviour. Your whole family must be grieving. So much love to you all and whilst this is so tragic, the ending thankfully isn’t.

The first priority is ensuring your nephew is safe and that has happened.

Don’t underestimate the usefulness of making a financial contribution or supporting your parents emotionally.

The most important aspect of the investigation is that it results in your nephew remaining safe, and at the moment that’s in hand.

It isnt her fault and that isnt what I meant by that. But to be totally blunt I think you need to be playing a more active role, because it sounds like you really do care about your parents and your nephew.