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Feeling frustrated and sad about my daughter’s three-day suspension.

219 replies

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:20

My 13-year-old daughter has been given a three day suspension for making a TikTok dance with friends in the school toilets while on break and I’m feeling frustrated and sad about it.
I completely understand the reason for the rule. Filming in toilets raises privacy concerns, and I accept that she broke the rules and should face a consequence…as does she!
According to her, several girls were dancing together and knew they were being recorded. The video wasn’t posted or shared. I know that doesn’t make it acceptable, but I do think the circumstances should matter.
This is her second year of secondary school and she has never been in trouble before and has a really positive school record. She plays sport and has had awards for attendance, won competitions etc. The policy says “up to three days”, so I’m struggling to understand why three days is appropriate for her first incident, but the decision has been made.
I’m not asking for her to get away with it. I am and will support the school in making sure she understands why it was wrong. I just feel disappointed that one lapse in judgement has resulted in three days out of school when she has otherwise consistently behaved well.
Has anyone had a similar experience? Did the school take your child’s previous record into account?
Please go easy I’m disappointed and angry at my dd and this situation, just looking for friendly advice I suppose.

OP posts:
Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:30

Lomonald · 19/10/2026 18:29

Are you frustrated with her or school ? Or a bit of both.

Both! Mostly at her tbh…

OP posts:
Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:30

CharSiu · 19/10/2026 18:24

I would also punish her at home but I’m old school when it comes to behaviour.

That would be the best thing to do and do not let her know you think it’s not fair.

Would remove her phone and all tech for the 3 days at home and give her a lot of chores and studying.

Yes I will be doing this! I will be asking the school for whatever homework will be set too

OP posts:
Lomonald · 19/10/2026 18:29

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:28

I am…I said as much her but I’m allowed to be frustrated internally I suppose

Are you frustrated with her or school ? Or a bit of both.

EricTheHalfASleeve · 19/10/2026 18:29

You need to delete tiktok - to be honest I'm shocked that you don't seem that fussed about this. Filming young girls in the toilets with the intent of posting it to the internet is basically making content for sleazy men worldwide.

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:28

tomorrowfollowstoday · 19/10/2026 18:26

I understand you're sad and disappointed, but what she did was worthy of a serious consequence.

I think you have to back the school here.

I am…I said as much her but I’m allowed to be frustrated internally I suppose

OP posts:
Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:28

spreadandsprinkles · 19/10/2026 18:27

This could have been quite intimidating for other girls in the toilet. I am glad this has been taken seriously.

There were no other classes out they were on a movement break mid class so it was just her and some girls from her class…but yeah I TOTALLY AGREE! And I have explained that to her

OP posts:
Lomonald · 19/10/2026 18:28

She was filming in toilets i imagine the school.has zero policy on this, i am sure she will be fine and not do it again, if she was mine I would take her devices off her for the duration of the suspension, to show you support the school at home.

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:27

Pancakeflipper · 19/10/2026 18:26

I think the school.are taking a strong stance on this to discourage others thinking it's ok. 2 major rules broken- phone use and toilets.

What's your school.policy regarding phones? Some schools near us have pupils put them in cases for the day. Our school.is considered lenient because it is "turned off phones in bag all day". But they come done heavy who don't follow the rules.

Yes same as yours, turned off and in bag.

OP posts:
spreadandsprinkles · 19/10/2026 18:27

This could have been quite intimidating for other girls in the toilet. I am glad this has been taken seriously.

tomorrowfollowstoday · 19/10/2026 18:26

I understand you're sad and disappointed, but what she did was worthy of a serious consequence.

I think you have to back the school here.

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:26

MozzieFreeZone · 19/10/2026 18:24

I’d imagine its because she was filming in the toilets.

Yes it is…that’s what I said….

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 19/10/2026 18:26

I think the school.are taking a strong stance on this to discourage others thinking it's ok. 2 major rules broken- phone use and toilets.

What's your school.policy regarding phones? Some schools near us have pupils put them in cases for the day. Our school.is considered lenient because it is "turned off phones in bag all day". But they come done heavy who don't follow the rules.

Ffs1234 · 19/10/2026 18:26

sausageth · 19/10/2026 18:23

Well, she won't do it again will she?

Obviously I hope not!! I’m annoyed she did it in the first place!

OP posts:
Lougle · 19/10/2026 18:25

Well phones in school are banned now, and filming in toilets is a double whammy. So I can see why they've done it. It's a hard lesson but hopefully she'll learn from it.

babasaclover · 19/10/2026 18:24

It’s pretty grim to be filming in toilets could be intimidating for others trying to use them but suspect it’s down to not being allowed phones at all during school hours now?

SnowflakesandSlippers · 19/10/2026 18:24

I think it is because of the severity of the incident, people seem to really underestimate the negative impact of this sort of thing. What device was it filmed on? The main thing is that she knows now that this was very wrong and is unlikely to try anything similar again, it's good that they are trying to protect the children from this I think.

CharSiu · 19/10/2026 18:24

I would also punish her at home but I’m old school when it comes to behaviour.

That would be the best thing to do and do not let her know you think it’s not fair.

Would remove her phone and all tech for the 3 days at home and give her a lot of chores and studying.

MozzieFreeZone · 19/10/2026 18:24

I’d imagine its because she was filming in the toilets.

sausageth · 19/10/2026 18:23

Well, she won't do it again will she?

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