Feeling frustrated and sad about my daughter’s three-day suspension.

Why is it stopping them being creative? They have all the time out of school to make videos

I’m not denying that the school rules were broken, and that she shouldn’t have been punished

but for a first offense and 3 days suspension really??

overkill

The other girls didn't have their phones out

In our local schools, since September with Government guidelines with phones and schools, all phones have to be put in a lockable pouch, they cannot just be in your bag. Behaviour policy has been amended so that phones now fall within prohibited item category and therefore if you are found with a phone in your possession not in a pouch (never mind whether you are using it) it will be an instant suspension, usually half/whole day (would previously have been a detention)The same with vapes, if found with vaping equipment on you, instant suspension. These rules are known both by pupils and parents. f you are then found using your phone, particularly filming, or smoking your vape the suspension will be for a longer period of time.

OP's DD not only had her phone out, she was filming and filming in the toilet area. Therefore, her suspension period had to be longer than just for having her phone out of her bag.

It is not unknown for students to film other students on the toilet, usually for bullying purposes. There is a very good reason why schools ban phones in toilet areas. Doesn't matter whether you are using it for innocent Tik Tok vides. Obviously if you are filming someone on the toilet it would be a straight permanent exclusion.

When I worked we had to handover mobile phones to access certain parts of our buildings, quite normal in certain industries.

Does seem excessive to me OP, especially if the other girls werent in any trouble.

Id probably let her know I think 3 days is a bit harsh, but suck it up and get some school work done. I think its good for DC to learn that people can disagree with sanctions but you still have to take them on the chin (sometimes).

I wouldnt add any further punishment over this, school have dealt with it, that would be enough for me.

Good on the school for upholding sensible rules. Your DD has learnt about boundaries.
Tell your DD that at least she won't want to break the rules again.

I mentioned doom scrolling as not necessarily content concern (although some content is very concerning) but just wasting their time (and life) staring at their phones.

Many issues in schools with phones involve students filming other students, sometimes for bullying purposes. And filming in toilets is just one big scary safeguarding concern

Good reason to ban movement breaks as well.

I imagine the response would be very different if it was a boy filming students

Would it still be fun if it was your daughter she was filming on the toilet without her consent? Good on the school for doing something about it

I couldn’t say as I don’t think I quite follow. Could you explain your rationale?

If I filmed children dancing in their school uniforms, in the school toilets, with the intention of posting on SM then I’d be sacked whether it was on work time or not. Just because it’s another child doing the filming doesn’t change the risks.

Have you seen the problems phones cause in schools? It’s not just doom scrolling or looking at them in lessons when you should be listening to the teacher

I think some posters are trying to be edgy or are very naive when they say they can’t see a problem with someone filming in school toilets

It’s a big deal if phones aren’t allowed out, and then filming in the toilets. The DD would have known the rules

I can’t imagine many employers would look kindly on someone filming in the toilets. Also many organisations have phone locked away policy for employees and would have implications if you were caught with your phone out.

I don’t make employment rules but you can google if you think I made a mistake.

The thing is, if she wasn’t pulled up for it now it would have just continued. I doubt it would have been the first and last time if she hadn’t been caught. I got caught at school (primary) being out and about with classmates during our lunch break - which was strictly prohibited. We got punished for it and didn’t do it again. Job done. OP’s dd can make the Tik Toks with her friends at home, in their toilet, if that’s her preferred location.

school followed the behaviour policy. No phones out rule was broken. Immediate suspension in our local schools (and known by students so no excuse). Then filming, which would also be a big no, and then add to that filming in the toilet area (huge safeguarding risk)

When considering suspensions schools have to look at any factors that may influence behaviour and take those into account.

Im surprised she didn’t get an internal exclusion,

3 days exclusion at home for a dance in some toilets when it wasn’t even posted and they were just having fun is a bit overkill imo

yes punish by all means but 3 days!

my dd got one day in year 9 for having a meltdown and telling her form teacher to fuck off.

BEFORE you all pile in and tell me what a shocking parent I am and how she’ll end up in prison etc, she had just lost her dad, was experiencing extreme anxiety, was grieving and they just weren’t giving her the support she needed, she also ND too

she had one day,exclusion (which she thought was great) I pushed for support, she was punished at home, she had councelling and after a few blips settled down and is now in college doing well,

I can’t imagine the school have a policy about dancing in the toilets, which is what the
other girls were doing. However, your daughter 1) had her smart phone out during the school day, 2) was filming other pre-teens dancing in school uniform in the toilets, 3) with the intention of posting it to social media. Your daughter has likely broken lots of rules.

I can fully understand the school’s choice to punish to the extent of their policy as there is potential for a massive safeguarding issue here. As a parent who hasn’t let my similar aged children have smartphones or access to any SM I’d be livid if someone else’s child videoed them and posted them on SM.

Obviously your daughter doesn’t understand the risks involved in what she was doing, and wasn’t acting with malice. But you’ve allowed your child access to a smartphone and SM accounts and therefore it’s your responsibility to ensure she understands the risks involved and the reasons behind school rules boundaries. (And if you feel she’s too young to hear about perverts sexualising her and her friends dancing in their school uniforms then maybe she isn’t old enough for a smartphone and SM accounts).

Sounds like an otherwise sensible girl who I’m sure has learned about online safety the hard way way).

I wonder how comfortable posters would feel if they went to toilet area and someone had their phone out filming

This will have been drummed into the students, do not film/take photos near toilets. DD would have known this was something she shouldn’t be doing and that it would be taken seriously and result in a suspension