Social services asking me to have son and girlfriend and baby living with me

Yep. You see, women only exist in some mumsnetter's eyes as a resource, at all ages and stages. Their time, lives, labour, freedom are for other people to dole out, as they see fit.

Really?? Most mothers would step up and help their adult child and grandparent.

Thank you for the link to your skillfully constructed audit, the results of which have indicated that "most" mothers would - checks notes -

Now face unemployment as it will no longer be possible to work from home with two adults with disabilities and their newborn baby living in the 2nd of two bedrooms in their home, both adults being resistant to any advice or being told anything, who will need close monitoring from the OP who will also have to maintain her caring duties for her sick, elderly mother.

Her mother is in a care home. I know there is still some advocacy and things to do, but it is not anywhere like the phrase caring for her sick mother suggests.

It's for half the week. Those two adults include ops son and the baby her grandchild. I would try and make it work. I am assuming the baby would end up in care though as the adults would not be able to parent without ongoing support.

Just to add, I grew up in a very poor area where plenty of teenage girls got pregnant and raised the baby in their childhood bedroom, before finally getting their own place. Their mother's helped with the baby and taught their daughters how to care for the baby.
I know they will need ongoing support, but OP must have known her son was likely to need ongoing support as an adult.

Caring for her sick mother suggest "caring for her sick mother". Which is the case.

Your experiences are not universal and knowing someone will need support is not relevant.

So again, I doubt the veracity of your claim that "most" mothers would now face unemployment as it will no longer be possible to work from home with two adults with disabilities and their newborn baby living in the 2nd of two bedrooms in their home, both adults being resistant to any advice or being told anything, who will need close monitoring from the OP who will also have to maintain her caring duties for her sick, elderly mother.

Some would, certainly. Many would not.

Asking you to have them living with you is a quick fix for the Social Services . I’m thinking that once they are living with you the SS won’t be so quick to find them other accommodation

We’ve been through this in detail upthread. Social services are not responsible for finding them other, or indeed any accommodation. That’s down to the local housing authority and social services have no input other than making recommendations. Provision depends on resources and if OP houses them then, aside from their disabilities, they won’t be a priority to the local authority because they are not homeless.

Social services have a legal obligation to investigate whether family are available and willing to take on care in these circumstances before moving on to other available options because resources are limited.

Adult social care can provide a package of services to support independent living, but the reality here is that if these two people cannot parent this child without long term substantial support then adoption would be considered as an alternative solution.

This is absolutely not the same thing as supporting two disabled adults and their child. OP will likely have to take on parenting duties for the child too if they are unable to do it themselves. It’s a huge undertaking and l doubt even the most dedicated of mothers would take it on without a second thought. The consequences to OP herself are very significant.

Absolute hyperbole, not what I or anyone ever said or implied.
Maybe familiarise yourself with the sections of the children act which set out the legal duty of local authorities to explore family support especially where care proceedings may be considered before casting aspersions on social workers for attempting everything possible to keep children within their families of origin.

No, no it's not

If you read back through their posts they suggest professional experience yes. My guess is adult social services or similar - possibly retired. I worked in disability support and my experience with these kinds of situations although limited, was similar. Posters here seem to think there are unlimited resources for support in these cases, and the reality is very different.

As an example to put things into perspective, my caseload included adults with severe autism and enduring mental health conditions, living with parents and siblings in the family home. They often had violent outbursts and in several cases the families had set up ‘safe rooms’ in the home where the family would lock themselves away to keep from being hurt. There was often evidence of past damage done to the home during these episodes and family members had often been repeatedly assaulted.

Placements outside the home for these people was difficult if not impossible, because of the behavioural issues involved and often families were living in these circumstances for long periods, because the resources for anything other than minimal support just weren’t there. Resources are precious and the priorities are many and varied, and often the solutions have to be the most practical and cost effective - what is necessary, rather than what is the ideal.

Children's social work services, I've been very upfront about that, it's not a secret. 23 years of working in looked after children and child protection social work.

You need to say NO. Once the social services get you to accept them they will close the case and you will be left to cope. You may also find their benefits get limited because they are living with you and you won't get any help with the additional heating and living costs. Also you will become their carer, baby sitter, cook cleaner. Your house will never be yours again.

He is at college and the OP would have been looking at a future of him having a work placement somewhere, not him getting a another teenager pregnant and both of them having special needs and the higher risk of that baby having special needs! This isn't a teenage mum having a bit of help at the start, this is special needs that won't fade away! Social services don't think this couple can be trusted alone with a baby! That's why they want them to live with their families! Not only has the op got to cope but so has the other mother and both mothers might struggle to cope with with two special needs adults and a baby that may end up with needs! It has high potential of friction and tension developing and it going wrong! What if these teenagers feel very unable to cope with the baby once it's born! There's also the issue of making sure they don't get pregnant again.

And are these two even ready to take the step of moving in together? I'm sure a lot of us here had boyfriends at 19 that wouldn't have been people we should have set up a domestic living situation with.

Even without the additional needs how are you supposed to realise that a relationship isn't working and split up if your partner is depending on your parents for housing?

And also moan if they have to claim benefits while doing it

yes, percase aelg others voluntarily/ closed family courts isnt right. they have a lot to hide! the bonuses are freely available to look up on the gov.uk site

sounds to me like theyre just lining them up to have the baby taken away, thats what SS do! I speak from experience ....

Please do link to the relevant section.

Social services have a legal obligation to investigate whether there is family who are willing to take on these responsibilities. Nobody is going to force OP to do something she doesn’t want to do, and it’s a huge undertaking so it would be entirely understandable if she refused. But what most people seem to think - certainly reflected in this thread - is that child and adult care services have an obligation to provide housing and ongoing significant support in order for these two people to be able to parent. They don’t.

The local housing authority are responsible for their accommodation, child services will have input toward safeguarding the baby and adult social care can provide a package of support and education to allow them to try to live independently. That support will not carry on indefinitely. If these two people cannot adequately parent this child long term without significant and long term support then the situation will be reviewed and adoption will be considered. As my post indicates, resources are finite and have to be managed. The most effective solution is not necessarily the one the parents would wish for.

And as mentioned upthread I have worked alongside social workers and have seen them go above and beyond to find solutions before removing a child is considered. It’s a last resort in cases like these.

There are no bonuses for the love of ever loving fuck. Please link to them if they are freely available 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Thankfully it’s not the experience of most people 🙄

Except that the poster is a professional trying to educate posters on this thread that social services resources are limited and they don’t always have the answers people want. They are not responsible for housing people - never have been. That’s down to the local authority and the resources available.

The point the poster was making was that SS were only following their legal obligation to see whether family are available and willing to take responsibility because realistically this is probably the only way of keeping the child out of care. OP has no obligation and nor would SS try to force the issue, but the reality is that long term substantial support isn’t an option if these two people really are not up to parenting. The likelihood is that at some point the child will end up in care.