Social services asking me to have son and girlfriend and baby living with me

Bonuses? Please can you link to this freely available information?

Really big decisions don’t require just love though. The only reason you’re thinking is because it’s difficult. No value judgements are allowed by professionals. That’s all you need to know

Hard to be rational when bottom line is two awful choices. You need to consider longer term priorities (people) for this one. I will say that prevaricating a decision is costly for all. Specialist placements for adults with complex requirements and an infant (with absolute priority) are obviously v hard to find (the right one at least). Hope you figure it out

That’s actually correct. The baby, and its care is the responsibility of these two parents - that’s why support is being sought. The aim is for them to parent the child themselves, not for OP to take on that responsibility for them.

It's reality, if they as adults have difficulties looking after themselves, then of course looking after a baby isn't going to be easy! This isn't being judgemental at all, more practical and forward preparing for support.

Thank you for your reply.

It's never as clear as that, and really depends on the level of risk and need. If the risk is high, then absolutely not will they just close the case and leave them to it. There would likely be a child in need or child protection plan and at the most extreme I've supported a significant number of grandparents to obtain special guardianship orders which come with financial support until the child is 18, where one parent is still living with the grandparent but can't possibly parent without support.
If the risk is low, then it would probably be an early help plan. It's really unlikely they would just close the case and say see ya.

From what I have read on this thread, most posters aren't suggesting that social services would indefinitely support the couple to care for their baby, they are saying that if the OP agrees to the plan, there will be no further interventions from SS and she will frankly be left to deal with this disaster zone on her own (I have no idea what form any help would take).

Can the SWs on here confirm whether or not that is true?

Yeah Apparently its none of OPs DHs business Imagine the uproar if he took that literally and just left the baby to scream

If it involved giving up their own relationship in favour of supporting two disabled adults and their child, indefinitely, in their own home ? Really ?

I don’t think I’ve ever taken part in a MN thread where the facts have been stated and restated ad nauseam and still people are comprehensively ignoring them in favour of posting utter shite instead. It just doesn’t make any sense.

Except that the poster is a professional trying to educate posters on this thread that social services resources are limited and they don’t always have the answers people want. They are not responsible for housing people - never have been. That’s down to the local authority and the resources available.

The point the poster was making was that SS were only following their legal obligation to see whether family are available and willing to take responsibility because realistically this is probably the only way of keeping the child out of care. OP has no obligation and nor would SS try to force the issue, but the reality is that long term substantial support isn’t an option if these two people really are not up to parenting. The likelihood is that at some point the child will end up in care.

Thankfully it’s not the experience of most people 🙄

There are no bonuses for the love of ever loving fuck. Please link to them if they are freely available 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Social services have a legal obligation to investigate whether there is family who are willing to take on these responsibilities. Nobody is going to force OP to do something she doesn’t want to do, and it’s a huge undertaking so it would be entirely understandable if she refused. But what most people seem to think - certainly reflected in this thread - is that child and adult care services have an obligation to provide housing and ongoing significant support in order for these two people to be able to parent. They don’t.

The local housing authority are responsible for their accommodation, child services will have input toward safeguarding the baby and adult social care can provide a package of support and education to allow them to try to live independently. That support will not carry on indefinitely. If these two people cannot adequately parent this child long term without significant and long term support then the situation will be reviewed and adoption will be considered. As my post indicates, resources are finite and have to be managed. The most effective solution is not necessarily the one the parents would wish for.

And as mentioned upthread I have worked alongside social workers and have seen them go above and beyond to find solutions before removing a child is considered. It’s a last resort in cases like these.

Please do link to the relevant section.

sounds to me like theyre just lining them up to have the baby taken away, thats what SS do! I speak from experience ....

yes, percase aelg others voluntarily/ closed family courts isnt right. they have a lot to hide! the bonuses are freely available to look up on the gov.uk site

And also moan if they have to claim benefits while doing it

And are these two even ready to take the step of moving in together? I'm sure a lot of us here had boyfriends at 19 that wouldn't have been people we should have set up a domestic living situation with.

Even without the additional needs how are you supposed to realise that a relationship isn't working and split up if your partner is depending on your parents for housing?

He is at college and the OP would have been looking at a future of him having a work placement somewhere, not him getting a another teenager pregnant and both of them having special needs and the higher risk of that baby having special needs! This isn't a teenage mum having a bit of help at the start, this is special needs that won't fade away! Social services don't think this couple can be trusted alone with a baby! That's why they want them to live with their families! Not only has the op got to cope but so has the other mother and both mothers might struggle to cope with with two special needs adults and a baby that may end up with needs! It has high potential of friction and tension developing and it going wrong! What if these teenagers feel very unable to cope with the baby once it's born! There's also the issue of making sure they don't get pregnant again.

You need to say NO. Once the social services get you to accept them they will close the case and you will be left to cope. You may also find their benefits get limited because they are living with you and you won't get any help with the additional heating and living costs. Also you will become their carer, baby sitter, cook cleaner. Your house will never be yours again.

Children's social work services, I've been very upfront about that, it's not a secret. 23 years of working in looked after children and child protection social work.

If you read back through their posts they suggest professional experience yes. My guess is adult social services or similar - possibly retired. I worked in disability support and my experience with these kinds of situations although limited, was similar. Posters here seem to think there are unlimited resources for support in these cases, and the reality is very different.

As an example to put things into perspective, my caseload included adults with severe autism and enduring mental health conditions, living with parents and siblings in the family home. They often had violent outbursts and in several cases the families had set up ‘safe rooms’ in the home where the family would lock themselves away to keep from being hurt. There was often evidence of past damage done to the home during these episodes and family members had often been repeatedly assaulted.

Placements outside the home for these people was difficult if not impossible, because of the behavioural issues involved and often families were living in these circumstances for long periods, because the resources for anything other than minimal support just weren’t there. Resources are precious and the priorities are many and varied, and often the solutions have to be the most practical and cost effective - what is necessary, rather than what is the ideal.

No, no it's not