I just don’t want to do secret Santa!

OP: 'starting to shop now spreads the cost and the effort'
Pp: 'I've no idea why you are shopping now'

The state of this thread

not pointless at all. we do secret santa on both sides of family we use an app and clearly state what we want both of us vouchers for specific shops. I save mine up and treat myself to a decent present something I wouldn't buy for myself but don't feel guilty when I have vouchers. we are your sis in law no kids here but to outside world we look comfortable we same as everyone else watching our money we prioritise it on certain things. we don't need sis in law buying "thoughtful " gifts like my sis in law buys more mugs for the house or placemats that don't match anything nor we don't need. anything that is not needed or wanted now given as presents goes on vinted or charity shop or regifted. you say you don't enjoy shopping so why don't you try your sis in law idea and spend the extra money on yourself like you instead

This. It may seem joyless to you but maybe financially a good idea for them.

Why do people get so stressed over Christmas presents - just all give to charity instead of buying tat nobody really needs?

Then maybe suggest to her that you don't exchange presents this year. That frees her from the obligation to reciprocate. Or agree a £5 limit with her.

I don't see how it's joyless at all, I love doing secret santa and it's much more affordable. You've also quoted "if she don't like your presents she can give them away".... now to me that's joyless!

But joyless and obliged is almost certainly how the SIL has felt for years, going along with the gifts for everyone thing. It’s her turn to have it her way for a change IMO.

Christmas really riles you up doesn’t it? Well if you’re doing it all online then what’s the rush? Surely most things get delivered within a few days or a week at most, no idea why you are shopping now for Christmas. If you did take part in secret Santa you could leave it until December to get it all done. Try it.

You said quite early on that you didn’t mind if she didn’t get you a present.

Because of that, I’m struggling to see what the problem is.

Are you just arguing for the sake of it? That’s fine if you are.

But if not, what is wrong with what I suggested earlier? You haven’t replied to that.

Well said, she sounds batshit. Cannot believe she’s talking about Christmas presents in October and out shopping already, I wish I had her time on my hands.

Its a bit of fun but I think its more of a workplace thing Secret Santa .. silly presents but you dont want amd you dont know who got you it.
Say you are off on holiday lol there you go..solved😬

YANBU
Secret Santa is the work of the devil.
it also makes me sorry for the planet when grown women and men feel they “have to” buy their sister in law, their neighbour, their child’s teacher some random Christmas gift. And before someone calls me a miserable git, I can assure you I’m not - I can see the joy in a carefully chosen gift given with love

i really hate people like you, you find it enjoyable to spend far too much money on crap that'll end in a charity shop by january, and you don't give a shit about other people or that they probably can't afford to buy for you. Of course if you buy for them they feels obliged to buy for you. You are the selfish ones and SIL sounds very sensible.

Oh but it is. This has happened with me, though not about cats. You don’t know who’s going to give you a present, that’s the trouble. Themed presents come at you unexpectedly and from all directions. Family members can be sensible for years then let you down. Someone who never gives you presents goes on holiday, sees your animal in a present and then, boom! there you are, stuck with another one.

And you can also tell her kindly that you have enough of those things, but you’d be very glad to receive….whatever. If people don’t speak up, they have no right to complain.

She could have just told everyone, “I have more than enough cat things, so thank you, but no more please.” Maybe followed by, “What I’d really appreciate some warm slippers, or a membership to…season tickets for…a gift certificate for…”

It’s not that hard.

Also, why are your family talking about and planning Christmas presents for adults already?

Just create a poll for everyone in your group on WhatsApp?

Q: Would you like to participate in secret Santa this year?

Option 1: Yes! (These people can then sort it amongst themselves)
Option 2: No thanks, it’s not for me.

If everyone else feels as strongly as you, then the results should make the sentiment pretty clear.

It has been acknowledged. Still, people have also acknowledged that it’s not all about what OP wants or doesn’t want. There are other people involved. What’s also clear, is that OP dislikes SIL to start with.

I cannot believe you don’t want to do secret Santa! You are not 5 years old, why do you need to buy presents for everyone individually and why do you want to receive a present from everyone individually from your family? Christmas is so commercialised and a waste of money, I happily welcome secret santa as it reduces spending and time spent buying crap nobody wants or they can get themselves.