Worry over son

When one of my daughters felt like this, we arranged a weekend home a couple of weeks later. When she came back, I was unsure she would return but I managed to persuade her to go with the agreement she could come home every weekend. Knowing that, she got back on the train and then she settled over the next few weeks. I think knowing she had the fall back option of coming home each weekend really settled her.

Is there a university within distance of home because you can transfer to another course at a closer uni.
I went to one uni, hated my course and left after a few weeks, found another course at a another uni that was closer, all worked out in the end

His generation were hit so hard by Covid - socially isolated at exactly the time when teens start to find their social niche - whether it's cool kids or quiet boffins or gamers. They had such a long setback.

I think if he leaves now he won't be charged the full student tuition loan however the halls will likely charge him unless he finds someone to take his space.
Could you visit this coming weekend?
My son is very introverted and not good at speaking to new people, this could well be him next year, am already concerned about it.
However I do think it's not all wild fun and new friends in the first few weeks for some, once his actual course begins he might well find some new friends.
Otherwise, home for now, gap year or transfer somewhere locally.

I could tell you were panicking, glad you can breathe again! Please try not to worry, everything will work itself out. I am not being glib (it's taken a lot of therapy to get to that point!) but there is very little you can't sort between you.

My DS18 is autistic and he is taking this year out - so far a lot of sleeping - to gather himself for potentially a Foundation at Uni next year. I have no doubt he will find it difficult but whatever happens, I know I will figure it out. You will too.

As soon as your DS sees that you have your sorting out hat on, he will calm down too. Good luck to you both

My son went to uni on Saturday. Recently he has been suffering panic attacks, really bad ones. On Monday night he phoned me in the midst of the worst one he’s ever had. It was horrific, he’s in the middle of Manchester barely able to get his breathe, feeling like he’s about to faint. After being unable to calm down, he went to an and e (this was not an easy choice for him but he wasn’t with anyone and his arms were going numb). My husband drove the 2 hours to be with him which he was extremely grateful for. The hospital was fantastic, although very busy. He said at one point he wanted to come home, but when his dad left at 5.30am he decided to stay as he doesn’t want this to beat him. It’s utterly heartbreaking knowing what they’re going through. The panic attack continued for 24 hours, calming down and then peaking again. Knowing what he’s experiencing is awful as a mother. You just want to take the issue away for them. I’m scared for my son’s mental health, as I assume you are too. I also wish my son had gone to a more local university but they have to make their own choices. Your son will make the best decision for himself, a year out would not be a failure ❤️

OP, it’s great he has somewhere to come home to if he’s not ready for this. Think of it like that 💐

Has he started the actual lectures yet? Things might change when he gets to know the people on his course as he is likely to have more in common with them than random flatmates.

I think you are right to be worried about the loan side of things as presumably you are liable for his accommodation costs and he’s only going to get the first loan instalment of his maintenance loan so he’s going to have to get a job to cover the rest.

Ok well at least the decision is made. Many students drop out of their first uni/course because it isn’t right for whatever reason.

Try and persuade him to at least look at transferring so he can live at home (if there is a uni close enough), missing the first week or two isn’t a dealbreaker.

If he really doesn’t want to a gap year may be the best thing so he can work on his anxiety and apply again next year to a different uni

I would ask to move the course to near home and then he can commute .In the time it takes to organise this he may settle in but best to enquire right at the start of the course so he doesn't lose a year . Commuting is much more common these days with the cost of everything . The unis get this all the time they have staff for pastoral care etc . That's just my opinion and I know it involves finding a similar course etc which may prove difficult. Just hope u can sort it someway. One of my sons changed uni to one he could commute to . 2 others commuted and 2 lived in so I have experience of either way . It depends on their personality really doesn't it .

Goodness. Respectfully it's hardly the end of the world. You've now faced his MH problems and can help him get therapy/diagnosis.

He and you can sort out the loan or transfer it to another more local uni starting September 2027

In the next year he can work on himself and his MH and get a job or do voluntary work

Do you think you're a very anxious person @buggermewhatnext?

'Respectfully'@JustGoogleIt15, nobody knows the background or situation beyond what is written here, so it is hugely unhelpful to judge how the OP has responded to a very difficult and stressful situation. She was in a spin and looking for some calm words of support I am guessing. I've certainly been there.

OP I hope things work out.

You're probably right @ikeepforgetting. Apologies