Worry over son

If he’s out of his depth, don’t push him to stay. You know him best. Speak to uni with him to figure out what to do now. If he’s in uni halls they are usually more flexible with the contract, although you might need to find someone to take over his room. As it’s so early in the term - lectures may not have even started - tuition fee might be cancelled. If student loan has been paid out, he could repay it straight away. There may be a small amount of interest, but he can see that on his account and clear it if funds allow.

Then take a gap year. Part time work will help with anxiety around people. Fast food place worked for my ds as there’s minimal interaction and set processes to follow for everything. Save up funds to pay off any remaining loan and build savings.

If he decides to try uni again next year, he’ll go with grades in hand which is a much less stressful process, money in the bank, and realistic expectations for the first few weeks. Expect to be bored, expect to be lonely, not everyone can push themselves to attend things and join societies. And plan to stay until at least reading week or Christmas to give it a good go. But that doesn’t sound like the best option for him this time round.

Does he know about this?

UCL's student-led support group for neurodiverse students (self ID is fine)

There's also support here UCL MH SERVICES

Please tell him it is absolutely normal to want to come home in the first week. And it's natural to feel anxious, too. Anxiety is not necessarily a MH issue, if it is tied to a stressful life change. Ask him to give it and himself a chance: tell him you trust that he can handle it, and that it will become fasmiliar in time. Maybe suggest he makes some mini goals for himself: to join two clubs or societies; to go to the uni gym, to contact the MH support team or the chaplain and let them know he is struggling, and to actually attend the lectures or seminars and do the work - after all, that is why he is paying so much money - he may as well start learning and focusing. He will not be the only one who feels lonely in his first term.

Also, he is in London, so he could explore one thing a week that interests him. DS was stranded in London during Covid at a uni that did nothing to ease student isolation. It nearly broke him. But he walked - alone - for miles every day through the deserted city and got to know it well. Now he has settled in and loves London life. He too suffers from anxiety and takes medication for it but he has stopped letting it dictate his life and make it small.

Maybe offer to come and visit him next weekend. Bring some home cooked treats. Stay in touch daily by WhatsApp.

Kindly, the worry about loans would be his problem and maybe suggesting he factor this into his decision, may help?? Are you in a position to throw money at the problem, if its the halls that are really the issue? Can he upgrade to a studio, that avoids the sharing bit. Is it the halls per se, or just his flat mates?

My son has ASD, and he hated the first few weeks, alcohol and meeting other peopl in other flat shares helped in the end (Not necessarily advocating this!) But I think a long chat around all the options and implications may be needed, can you for pick him up? What lectures are planned in the next few days? He probably doesn't have them every day.

It is better to encourage your son to stay and spend some more time, when after some time he will have a few friends, he will automatically adjust with them and his anxiety will reduce. You could talk to him about his feelings to know him better.

Can you arrange for him to come home for a couple of weekends, but to try and push on until reading week and rethink.

I would encourage him to give it a couple of months. He is only there a week and is not experiencing the reality yet. People are probably more outgoing/noisy/active at the moment than what they will be in a few weeks when bogged down with reading/essays etc. Things in the halls will be much calmer.

You could try to persuade him to stay a bit longer and see if he settles in. The first week can be tricky but hopefully things will improve in time.

Alternatively, if you think it's too much for him, as it's so early in the term, he may be able to transfer to another university that is closer to where you live. Some unis will still be accepting applications (but not the top ones obviously).

Keep talking to him OP.

I think you need to encourage him to stay a bit longer its only been a week.

Does he want to drop out of the course completely? Or come back home and commute to lectures?