Devastated as a result of physical/emotional affair

Agreed, these women are an embarrassment. She's been shaghing about and oh he targeted you, it's your hormones.
OK well men have male hormones, testosterone, it drives sexual desire, surely we can blame them for men cheating, those bloody hormones!

OP you definitely need to get him out your head but please don't listen to the crazy women on here telling you it's not your fault, it is, people do shitty things, you did a shitty thing, you might have to face the consequences of that but that's life.

Totally agree! Shocked at the comments oh it’s not your fault it’s hormones. Oh it’s not your fault it’s limerence WTF?

Man has affair - mans fault

Woman has affair - mans fault.

The double standards here are apalling. The poor husband, his wife behaves like a snake with someone they see almost every day and he has no idea.

Just another one agreeing he’s targeted you on purpose when you were vulnerable. What a bastard. The others have labelled his behaviour more accurately. I feel sorry for you OP as he has ruined the newborn phase for you and destabilised your marriage. Curse him, then delete him. Refocus.

There’s a school Dad (or few!) like this in every playground (and workplace etc etc.).
Plenty mums will know what type of man he is, stop it now before people start gossiping and it gets back to your husband.

He targeted you when you were vulnerable. Very calculated on his part. POS.

You’ll look back on this as a temporary insanity.

Withdraw totally from him, block his number etc and please find someone to talk to. All the best OP.

Block him. And avoid him at all costs. Get some counselling. Worse case scenario relocate. Concentrate on your marriage which you said was happy before and your children. You have been loved bombed by a player unfortunately. Feel sorry for his wife aswell.

He has deliberately targeted you because you are vulnerable, he’s a player who enjoys playing with your mind. Stay away from him, block him and concentrate on your mental health and family.

Well, obviously it's not a mistake in the way that adding up a sum wrong is a mistake. You can make a bad decision and later realise what a huge mistake it was.

She’s not planning on doing it again bc her affair partner told her he didn’t want it to be physical anymore. She’s said she’s addicted to him so would be fully immersed in an affair if he was also willing. Ppl talk about consent - her husband and his wife were and presumably are having sex with ppl who have shagged other ppl - they did not agree to this. We all know that had she been a man the majority of posters would agree with the POS comment.

The OP needs to block his number and blank him when she encounters him face to face. He pursued a vulnerable woman and classically lost interest once he’d bedded her. And started again when he thought there was another challenge. It was all very calculated his end so to claim he unexpectedly caught feelings and is wracked with guilt is total bullshit. He didn’t chat with her randomly and unintentionally built something gradual over time - it was all deliberate bc he probably suspected she was an easy target. He’s the utter POS in all this and needs all attention removing from him right now by the OP.

You don’t mistakingly cheat, it’s a calculated decision.

She's not a horrible person. She made a mistake and now feels dreadful about it, and is not planning to do it again. There are many shades of grey in life.

Hi OP... normally I dont sympathise for people who have affairs BUT sometimes I can honestly see why it happens.
Could there be a reason you done it? Was your husband good to you? Did he make you feel loved / take over when you needed a break etc? You said your home was fine but was your relationship?
You said at one point in the beginning you told your husband about him, what did he say?
You've made a mistake but you need to know why first instead of calling yourself a POS. I also agree with others, go cold turkey with that other man he sounds really self serving.

OP, what you describe is called intermittent reinforcement. The psychological effects of this technique are well-studied. It's extremely effective in creating dependency and a feeling of being addicted to someone. He might not be doing it on purpose, but the effect is the same. I'm angry on your behalf, though. He had no right to worm his way into your affections, and now look what's happened.

Cut the other man off. Don't hurt your husband by confessing. Take it to your grave and resolve never, ever to do such a thing again. And get that man to wipe all your messages from his phone - and wipe yours, too. Start over. This was a mistake but you don't have to let it define your life. I haven't RTFT but I'm sure some are telling you to confess to your husband. I disagree. If this was a one-off and you are sorry, and have no intention of doing it again, do not make yourself feel better by offloading your burden onto him. And should you choose to anyway, just know that a LOT of people cannot forgive an affair even if they really wish they could. Your marriage will never, ever be the same if you tell him. You will break his heart.

OP good advice upthread. Your dear children need you do not do anything to yourself over this man. This too shall pass. Put your children first in your heart mind and actions

And by the way, suicide is never the answer, leaving your kids without a mum is not something you should be thinking about.

I agree with everything in the 2nd part of your reply, however, I still think the OP should tell her husband, (who is now part of this without knowing), before he gets told by some unknown busybody. We all know about school gate gossips.

@MrFlintstone
OP may want or need to tell her husband somewhere further down the line. That’s not really priority right now when a mother of very small children is feeling suicidal fgs.

I echo other posters OP, cold turkey from this man. He’s a bad person. You’ve made a mistake, you’re human, this doesn’t need to define you/ take over your life. 💐

Echoing that its limerance.
Also that he has loved the chase and once it all seemed to go a bit cold then the chase was on again for him.
It's made you feel good at times but its just your egos being boosted. It's not the love you will feel for your husband..
Look, we all make mistakes especially when we're vulnerable. Just end contact with him. Don't tell your husband. Just move forward, maybe get some counselling and just be grateful you haven't been discovered..
Your dcs need you so be there for them and your dh. Don't beat yourself up. 💐

This situation will never work out well for you op. It will just be ongoing turmoil and misery. You don’t have a future together and even if you did it wouldn’t turn out to be the fairy tale that your mind is conjuring up right now. It would be a shit show.

Your dh and dc deserve better. You deserve better. Not many people get the level of sympathy you’ve had so far on here after admitting to an affair. But it’s clear you are struggling emotionally and mentally. You need therapy and to totally disengage with this man. Whether or not your marriage can survive is another matter but at the very least you need to cut him off now.

I'll get stick for this but I don't care.

You need to tell your husband everything.

People talk and eventually it will get back to him.

Your husband deserves the truth, remember your marriage vows.
If you were writing to say that your husband had had an affair, most people would be saying to leave him, it's only the same thing, but you're the one with the affair.

This is a limerence type situation brought on by him lovebombing you with attention and then withdrawing it and then coming back again. It creates a cycle that makes you dependent on his attention to feel good. This is classic manipulator stuff. You’ve made a big mistake but you are not in love with this man. I’d suggest reading up on limerence as it really does sound like what’s going on here. The only answer is to go no contact.

Yes just to add, he really did target you when you were vulnerable and probably had PND and he love bombed you.
You WILL be able to put it behind you but deffo get the therapy , you need a sympathetic good counsellor and you deserve to get the help.

Sounds like your postpartum hormone shifts have led to some pretty bad decision making… you absolutely need to remove yourself from the situation. No communication with the man at all, as awkward as that might be across the playground it’s the only way to drag yourself out of this mess. If you love your husband and want to keep your family together, you need to actively choose them - every day. The man also sounds like a POS; trying his luck when he’d be aware of your postpartum vulnerability, love bombing, getting his way then dropping you like a hot coal. You need to stop this now, clear your head and try to move on. Choose your life, choose your husband and choose your family.