AIBU to ask friends for support during severe health flare-ups?

For me the wording would be the issue, if I’m being fully honest. A friend wanting me to soothe them and take charge would make me
think there’s some sort of underlying kink going on - again, it’s just down to the language.

Dropping off groceries, checking in etc - absolutely fine. Playing mother to a grown fellow adult and play up a role of “let’s get you to bed” and “you must rest” as a script would frankly weird me out. I’m sorry.

Agree
You need to improve your boundaries @Endo33

Currently you have poor boundaries and are over caring for others at your own expense, probably doing things for them they can do themselves.
Likewise its basic self care to sleep, rest, drink water and take painkillers or call for help when needed such as GP
It comes across as attention seeking to send out texts like that and I would steer clear

You can message people like this.You have to speak to them in person.

Your emotional needs seem to be the main issue here. If you know that another flare up is inevitable then it’s pretty straightforward to have an emergency pack of meds, tissues and whatever practical items you need and ditto meals in the freezer etc.

Asking for that emotional support is much harder I suspect. If you have a group of trusted friends who would be likely to be supportive of this then I think asking face to face would be more appropriate as you can explain it in simple terms and ask if they would consider being your emotional comfort blanket on the odd occasion when you’re struggling. Obviously you offer to reciprocate in whatever way you can and also stress that this is an occasional need not constant.

Im sorry your family are so lacking here.

Lastly and apologies because I’m sure you have explored this but why are you only taking naproxen for such agonising pain? There must be more effective meds you could use as well?

I am sorry OP, but the above is realistic.
I really think such a profoundly needy post will drive people away.

I have an auto immune disease which as left me hugely incapacitated and with 3 children.
I wouldn't dream of asking for any of that.

You need to go back to your doctor and ask for something on prescription to relax you if and when you have a flare up.

Something to helpnyou regulate yourself.

Are you very young?
I think you are expecting too much of people around you.

I am older and had a husband travelling for extended periods whilst in ill health and unfortunately just had to get on with it.

I really don't mean to be in any way harsh but this could really drive people away.

I see some pp have mentioned this but I would definitely get some therapy @Endo33. Your need for love and support is not being met and therapy can help you find acceptance or solutions to that.

A longer term plan would be to join some sort of group - community group, hobby group etc so that you have a community of people you can lean on for support. I am part of a hobby group and have given and received both practical and emotional support from the amazing women there.

Also - are you open to meeting another partner in the future? Perhaps you are missing that level of support in your life?

Its so easy nowadays to think we have to be independent and it’s weak to rely on others but in reality life is better when we can support each other.

Please don't send a mass communication like that. Think about each individual relationship, if strong then weigh up that person's situation (can or should they realistically help, and if so, how much?), and speak face to face if possible. If not, say you would like to ask a big favour, etc. Be specific and only THEN explain why you need the help.

If I got a message like that one, I would see it as someone who is very distressed but really not able to care about me or be a friend to me because it is impersonal and one-sided.

Your distress is valid but please find a peer supporter, counsellor, support worker, psychotherapist, (maybe one good friend as well, not instead) and open up to that person in private about what is going on with your illness and relationships. You can vent your feelings and maybe then be in a position to plan further.

I feel for you being so isolated and feeling unsafe. Please separate out these different needs and get the right help. You are not alone in your struggle.

"I have said how bad it is, but they shut it out as it's hard to take."

Yes, I imagine they do find it very difficult to take. It's awful to see you child suffer and not be able to do anything about it, even if they are an adult. They're doing what they can with the practical help.

Practical things like soup, supplies, a cup of tea etc are normal and reasonable, the rest of it, telling you to rest and drink water and coddle you like a child is not. If you know you need them and they make you feel better, why would you need someone to come and tell you to do them?

If the people you are asking for help are burning out and asking you for help, this isn’t a reasonable request.
You need to hire some paid help-carer or PA.

I would take friends or relatives to hospital, get their medication, sort phone calls and remind them to do things/drink more eg cognitively impaired/elderly/immobile/ forgetful parents. Being asked to come round and remind a friend to drink more is rather different. Get a massive Stanley cup and fill it up ever morning.

The person who should be there for you would be your partner but as you are not together it is very tall order to expect anyone else to step up when they have their own lives and problems, sorry.

I think the problem you have is that people you would normally expect to show care, are not - your parents and your DH. Having said that, as an adult, i think we often have to accept that the help we get IS practical. When I am sick, I don't need/want DH to baby me, but I do need him to be totally in control of everything else. Having said that, I also have a lovely DH who will 100% be checking on me, bringing me a cup of tea, fetching meds etc. So while that's a tiny fraction of what he's doing, he IS doing it.

Endo is a horrible illness and it's not well managed, I know. But I'd say you also have to keep pushing for more help, better support from medical professionals etc. Becuase this isn't a practical way to live.

Your parents are coming round and tidying and looking after child. I dont think its anyones job to soothe you and make you feel better. Your an adult. Take yourself to bed, make sure your medication and bottles water are next to the bed.
If you need dr ask parents to ring then for you then get a taxi.

Your not helpless. You dont need someone to take charge. Make plans for each situation. If all else fails start paying for a carer to come in

Honestly? Please don't put your monkey on other people's backs. There will be no doubt virtue-signalling on here - but in truth, people have so much problems of their own, so many struggles, that to do what you are proposing to do is unconscionable.
Many people don't spend enough time with their nearest and dearest. So if there is a choice for people to come and take charge and look after you or read a book to their little children or take a coffee with their teenage ones, I would strongly recommend to spend the time with your children or loved ones.
Please don't rob other people of their time. They can't recoup that.

im sorry you are suffering and understand you need support.
I dont think there is anything wrong with talking to family and close friends about how you feel and what they might be able to help you with.
I think your message suggestion is (i think because txt messages come without expression or intonation) comes across a bit demanding more like a job advertisement than asking for help.
Could you when you are feeling well enough,choose a few friends or family to have a face to face conversation about this with? It would have to be people you know well enough to be honest with.
You dont say what your condition is (fair enough) but i was wondering wether there are any support groups or organisations that understand your condition and wether others have experienced wht you are going through and how they managed things.
Having said all that, if i got your message in my current life circumstances id agree to help when i could. My family dynamic is that we do what you are asking for each other ,but many cant for a variety of reasons. My adult son has just been ill recently and i and my adult daughter go round and do the sort of things you are asking for. I always say if we are too much,tell us to politely go away! He said ,hell no, i'm so greatful.
Good luck

Actually my midwife did say exactly that! She told me to stop making that ridiculous noise.

Sorry to hear you've got endo. It's awful.

It's understandable for you to desire care and attention during your vulnerable moments. I'm sorry to read that your current family and friends haven't been able to give you that.

Agree with pp that sending that message may frighten people away from you more than anything else. I definitely wouldn't react well to that message for several reasons.

It's totally understandable for your mental health to be affected by this- it sounds like you are also emotionally burnt out from looking after others, in addition to dealing with this poorly-understood painful condition. It sounds very unfair.

Would it be possible for you to get a therapist?
If not, could you join a support group? I find they aren't ideal but they can help a little...
If you are feeling robust enough, can you try and find better friends? Or make new connections?

Good luck.

Why on earth do you need someone to sit you down, tell you to drink water and take medicine? You know you need to do these things? Sorry but I'd be running a mile if a friend was trying to push all that drama onto me. I understand you'd need someone to perhaps do a food shop for you etc but the whole soothing thing is just far too much.

It was mentioned upthread but have you tried a TENs machine? That and the plug in heat pad (not used at the same time) really help lessen the pain down to a manageable level.

I think your message is not specific enough. The meds thing, you should be taking those and not needing reminders. If you feel affected by the meds then set an alarm in your phone for the next set. I think being specific about time and what you want is better than the woolly wording you want to do.

My own Mother thought I had a low pain threshold because my periods were so painful but I then endured labour so I know now that that is completely untrue, I am just in severe pain.

Meds wise if the meds are not strong enough you need to go back and I am also going back to the GP for more meds for myself.

It’s involuntary sometimes. I would be on all fours mooing, I didn’t mean to be! that’s like saying to someone giving birth can you be quieter

When I am in a flare, I need someone to come over and take charge...tell me to rest, recuperate, reassure me I'll be okay, make me take meds and drink water etc. Would you be able to be one on a list of people I can text SOS to if I'm in that position?

Sorry OP, but if a grown adult sent me this, I'd tell them to get fucked.
Friend or not.
Most people have enough on their plate adulting themselves.