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Original poster

Husband denied receiving money from his mum

115 replies

Whenlifegiveslemons · 09/09/2026 17:08

My husband has been given money by his mum - he has concealed this. I noticed it on his bank statement & asked him outright & he denied it. Ive checked again & my eyes arent decieving me, its there in black & white.

i'm really mad about it because it shows he isnt honest & has comfortably lied to my face. He is fairly selfish with money in general, he pays most of our bills, I work part time & struggle on a small wage as do the lions share of parenting. Its £1500.

For context, we've been married 10 years, 2 young children & marriage isnt a happy one.

Am I over reacting? How would you feel?

OP posts:
Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 21:33

Whenlifegiveslemons · 09/09/2026 21:29

Crikey, what is your problem? I've created maybe 3 threads re my marriage. And yes I had forgotten exactly what I had said because it was an extremely difficult time & i needed to offload & maybe mentally blocked those months out.

He hadnt started divorce planning, he had said he was going to & yes I/we had moved on from this believe it or not.

Edited
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my problem? Op you have been very unhappy for years. You are desperate to separate on another thread. Your husband has even sneakily planned divorce (your words).

This is just the tip of the iceberg

MyOliveViewer · 09/09/2026 21:33

I have three adult DC and I’d like to think I can give money directly to them to spend.

Original poster
Whenlifegiveslemons · 09/09/2026 21:29

Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 21:23

Op you have started loads and posted loads about how the both of you have been very unhappy and barely engaging for years

Show quote history

Crikey, what is your problem? I've created maybe 3 threads re my marriage. And yes I had forgotten exactly what I had said because it was an extremely difficult time & i needed to offload & maybe mentally blocked those months out.

He hadnt started divorce planning, he had said he was going to & yes I/we had moved on from this believe it or not.

OP posts:
Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 21:25

Whenlifegiveslemons · 09/09/2026 21:21

Gosh id forgotten i'd shared that on here, i was in a bit of a state after what I had read. i'd read a message sharing he was going to speak to a solicitor (amongst other things about our marriage failures) - the solicitor contact didn't happen, as far as I know. You can probably tell, communication isnt great between us.

I can't just separate from him, it isnt that easy. I've shared reasons in a previous reply.

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You forgot that your husband had started divorce planning back in spring of this year?

Original poster
Whenlifegiveslemons · 09/09/2026 21:24

Cotopaxi · 09/09/2026 21:13

Maybe tell him this evening that you would like access to joint savings because you don't have a penny left after you've paid your share of the bills.

See how he reacts to that idea.

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Ive done that before & he has said (in a row) I can have all the savings in my accounts & I can manage them, but it never happens.

OP posts:
Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 21:23

Whenlifegiveslemons · 09/09/2026 21:21

Gosh id forgotten i'd shared that on here, i was in a bit of a state after what I had read. i'd read a message sharing he was going to speak to a solicitor (amongst other things about our marriage failures) - the solicitor contact didn't happen, as far as I know. You can probably tell, communication isnt great between us.

I can't just separate from him, it isnt that easy. I've shared reasons in a previous reply.

Show quote history

Op you have started loads and posted loads about how the both of you have been very unhappy and barely engaging for years

Coconutter24 · 09/09/2026 21:22

Whenlifegiveslemons · 09/09/2026 18:02

I dont have access to "our" savings.

He puts money in the joint account that just about covers bills, if I need something outside of that I have to pay for it - with very tight means, all the money i earn is accounted for on car/phone/food. Writing this out, it isnt right at all.

I've saved so hard for the last 2 years to pay for a holiday for us. If it were up to him, I dont know if we'd go away but he is on such a good salary, it blows my mind. He has about 1k left each month once all bills are covered, I calculated today.

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How much do you have every month?

Original poster
Whenlifegiveslemons · 09/09/2026 21:21

Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 21:13

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorce_separation/5512477-husband-planning-divorce-and-telling-family-first-what-should-i-do

how could you had forgotten he was planning to divorce you

Show quote history

Gosh id forgotten i'd shared that on here, i was in a bit of a state after what I had read. i'd read a message sharing he was going to speak to a solicitor (amongst other things about our marriage failures) - the solicitor contact didn't happen, as far as I know. You can probably tell, communication isnt great between us.

I can't just separate from him, it isnt that easy. I've shared reasons in a previous reply.

OP posts:
Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 21:18

Cotopaxi · 09/09/2026 21:16

He deliberately lied. That makes it the OP's business.

Why would any normal person lie to their spouse about a present from their mum?

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If they were planning to squirrel it away or spend it on divorce legal fees

Cotopaxi · 09/09/2026 21:16

Viviennemary · 09/09/2026 21:10

It was a present from his Mum. Why is it your business. Other way round everyone would be saying financial abuse.

He deliberately lied. That makes it the OP's business.

Why would any normal person lie to their spouse about a present from their mum?

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 09/09/2026 21:16

I think a parent should be able to give their adult child something for them that doesn't have to be absorbed into family coffers.

however, lies and being mean with money are not ok

hotmumshit · 09/09/2026 21:15

Let us know when you leave him x

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 09/09/2026 21:13

How old are the dc? Has he refused to contribute to nursery fees?

Cotopaxi · 09/09/2026 21:13

Whenlifegiveslemons · 09/09/2026 21:00

The mortgage gets paid out of our joint account & the mortgage is in both of our names. I do agree he has the power of money, ive been lax I guess as I've spent recent years on maternity leave/prioritising raising our children. I dont he is intentionally this way, he is generally very good natured. I've allowed the current set up, so maybe thats partly me being too permissive about finances?

Show quote history

Maybe tell him this evening that you would like access to joint savings because you don't have a penny left after you've paid your share of the bills.

See how he reacts to that idea.

Original poster
Whenlifegiveslemons · 09/09/2026 21:12

Viviennemary · 09/09/2026 21:10

It was a present from his Mum. Why is it your business. Other way round everyone would be saying financial abuse.

How do you know it was a present? And why deny it/hide it, thats the issue. I've have no issue with being gifted money, we could do with it - but if I got gifted any, i'd share that with my husband without question.

OP posts:
Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 21:12

Whenlifegiveslemons · 09/09/2026 21:10

No we didnt get to that point yet - he had shared with family we were having marriage issues but not divorce (as far as I know!)

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Op you have started multiple threads about how the marriage has been in a very very dark place for years.

and yes… you said you discovered he had been planning a divorce

Original poster
Whenlifegiveslemons · 09/09/2026 21:10

Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 21:00

Are you divorcing him?

I thought he was planning on divorcing you and had told his family?

Edited

No we didnt get to that point yet - he had shared with family we were having marriage issues but not divorce (as far as I know!)

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 09/09/2026 21:10

It was a present from his Mum. Why is it your business. Other way round everyone would be saying financial abuse.

Original poster
Whenlifegiveslemons · 09/09/2026 21:03

AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/09/2026 19:34

I would assume he asks you for receipts and expects you to justify your spending to the last penny. I would also think he buys clothes and visits places like the dentist and opticians far more often than you do.

He doesnt ask for receipts no & I don't have to justify, most family spends can be seen in the account. Ive recently started spending money on myself & prioritising this, as he has always spent money on his hobbies & an annual trip away with friends which i've felt unfair as i havent ever had much disposable income.

OP posts:
Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 21:00

Are you divorcing him?

I thought he was planning on divorcing you and had told his family?

Original poster
Whenlifegiveslemons · 09/09/2026 21:00

Cotopaxi · 09/09/2026 18:21

@Whenlifegiveslemons Sweetheart, he is not 'selfish' with money, he is financially controlling. That is abuse.

Please start making plans to divorce your abuser. I'm guessing (if you own your home) that the house is in his sole name, and he pays the mortgage out of his account. He'll think that protects him from you having any of it. Well, it doesn't.

Flowers

The mortgage gets paid out of our joint account & the mortgage is in both of our names. I do agree he has the power of money, ive been lax I guess as I've spent recent years on maternity leave/prioritising raising our children. I dont he is intentionally this way, he is generally very good natured. I've allowed the current set up, so maybe thats partly me being too permissive about finances?

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/09/2026 19:34

I would assume he asks you for receipts and expects you to justify your spending to the last penny. I would also think he buys clothes and visits places like the dentist and opticians far more often than you do.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/09/2026 19:31

You are bring financially abused by him and such men are not solely financially abusive either. It’s over between you and he because of the abuse which is about power and control. He wants absolute here over you and sees you only as an uncomplaining domestic appliance.

What do you want to teach your kids about relationships and what are they learning here?.

Cotopaxi · 09/09/2026 18:21

@Whenlifegiveslemons Sweetheart, he is not 'selfish' with money, he is financially controlling. That is abuse.

Please start making plans to divorce your abuser. I'm guessing (if you own your home) that the house is in his sole name, and he pays the mortgage out of his account. He'll think that protects him from you having any of it. Well, it doesn't.

Flowers
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