So upset and confused

Op this must be such a worry for you. Has he posted on Facebook etc?

I don’t think 19 year olds use facebook. @upsetmum8888can you ask his dad ?
Maybe he didn’t tell you because he thought you’d disapprove?

Did he meet anyone on the holiday?

@dreamingofgoodhair whatever social media they use.... Snapchat etc

Tell his brother to message him saying "you at the airport mate?" With laughinh emojis and say he was nosey and checked his location. He is an adult and allowed to go on holiday without telling his mum at the end of the day but I do get its a worry

I would just send him a message saying that if hes in any difficulty with anything then call you, any time from anywhere and for any reason, and then just leave it until he calls or returns home.

There's obviously a reason why he didnt talk to you about this (calling and sending multiple messages then getting his brother to check his location when he didnt respond quickly enough, despite him calling yesterday, may well have something to do with it, that sounds pretty stifling for a 19yo honestly).

Do you still get a weird dial tone when calling abroad, is that still a thing? I’d say you called and noticed it sounds like he’s gone away.

With this sort of overreaction from his parents it's no wonder he's decided not to tell you.
He's 19. He's an adult. He doesn't live at home. He really doesn't have to tell you what he's doing.
Why will it be such a massive thing when his Dad finds out?
It's probably about time you both backed off and let him grow up.

I’m not sure I fully understand the issue, OP. Why will his father be furious? And I had to reread to see that your son doesn’t live at home. I’m assuming the ‘important thing’ you needed to talk to him about explains why you’re so anxious about him going abroad?

Dude
He is grown, moved out, so it isn't up to you are his dad to be upset if he goes somewhere without an announcement

Why will his dad hit the roof he’s gone on holiday?

I don’t want to ask him because I don’t want him to fall out with his brother

Stop putting barriers in the way, that just causes more drama.

Ask him and tell him you made his brother check his location.

That's it.

No one owes an explanation.

Bir it’s really rather odd for family not to mention they are going away.

My dad told me and my siblings when he booked to go on holiday!

We tell him and each other if we are going away. It’s just general chit chat.

we send photos to our family what’s app of what we’re up to.

I find it more odd to keep it deliberately secret.

Not as odd as the OP turning to Mumsnet instead of asking her son what he's up to.

I think your level of panic about this might be one reason why he's not sharing things about his life.

People have fought on the frontline in wars younger than him.

I needed to speak to him about something quite important so after trying several times and leaving messages, I asked my younger one to check his location to check he can see where he was.

You said messages.

Just because you decide to share information it doesn't mean he has to.

If this was one of my dc I would seriously be looking at my behaviour and what made my dc not talk to me.

Between your multiple calls, messages and then getting his brother to check up on him, and you thinking his dad will hit the roof, I can see why he just wanted to bugger off on his own/with a friend for a bit.

I understand this is a shock, and it is a bit bizarre that he hasn’t mentioned it to you, but I think you need to take a breath and calm down. It’s not such a big deal that your adult son has gone abroad. Young adults travel abroad every day without their parents. Is it possible that he didn’t tell you because you would try to stop him going?

Maybe the ‘work course’ is abroad?

Lots of people don't always pass on details of their whereabouts on holiday to relatives though OP. Him not doing so is not inherently irresponsible. Why do you assume he won't have thought of this and that? It does seem perhaps you are infantalising him a bit? You say he's only just turned 19, that's over a year since he became an adult. He works and doesn't live with you. Saying his dad will hit the roof, that seems really extreme?

I do understand why you are worried, but I also think you need to take a step back and realise that as an adult he could move abroad without telling you if he wanted to. Even in saying 'you wouldn't have had a problem with it's, you're kind of suggesting you have a say when you actually don't. I suspect there is something in that that explains why he hasn't told you?

I was made to leave home at 16 and survived. I dont think you need to worry about a 19 year old.

It’s not the going abroad that’s the problem - he’s 19, he’s quite capable. It’s deliberately keeping this from his mother with whom he spoke at length last night. That’s not an oversight, it’s a choice.

I don’t think you need to worry overly, statistically nothing terrible will happen to him. Don’t say anything further. See what happens when he gets back and if/when he mentions it. If he never does, you’ll have learned something about him - but then you have to be extra vigilant about the rest of his life. In all likelihood it’s a lads’ trip of the sort you don’t appreciate. That wouldn’t be a terrible outcome. But it could be something else entirely, something more concerning. Keep an eye out for company he’s keeping, money he’s spending, ideas he’s spewing.

Another huge issue is whether or not you tell his dad. To know your joint son has behaved so out of character AND know that his dad would go ballistic, and not tell him…I don’t know that I could keep that secret. Maybe you can enlist his dad is keeping a watchful eye on him?