I’ll get my excuses in early and please be kind because you can’t be judging me worse than I feel about myself right now.
Background. My relationship broke down during Covid as my then H turned out to be an alcoholic. I kicked him out to protect our primary school age and toddler aged DC. He died shortly after in horrendous circumstances. We’ve all been in therapy. A couple of years back I reunited with an old flame and in someways it is lovely. He is kind caring and attentive, helps around the home and kind to my DC. He is not particularly securely employed but we don’t live together and I would never let him move in under current circs or take on any financial responsibility for him. Given my age and previous infertility, I was stupidly careless and I am now very very early pregnant and I am terrified. He says he loves me and will step up with income but can he? And he says it’s all up to me. I feel stupider than I was as a teenager to be in the position. I’d kinda romanticised the idea of a baby and baby not in a marriage falling apart but this is not great either and I well could end up solely responsible for third child and not taking enough care of my existing DC. I had thought if something happened I,d feel ok with it but I feel overwhelming terrified. I am the worst person in the world but do I terminate?