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Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

459 replies

scaredaboutwork · 03/09/2026 14:33

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

OP posts:
Sweetandnice · 14/09/2026 20:21

scaredaboutwork · 14/09/2026 19:20

Kind of have an update… but not really one people will be expecting.

I told work about the Australian job offer and they offered me a significant raise and a promotion to stay. Not what I was anticipating. I was expecting to sign the contract with the Australian company this week. Lots to think about!

Whats happening with the guy ? Have you told him yet?

HB1625 · 14/09/2026 20:59

scaredaboutwork · 14/09/2026 19:20

Kind of have an update… but not really one people will be expecting.

I told work about the Australian job offer and they offered me a significant raise and a promotion to stay. Not what I was anticipating. I was expecting to sign the contract with the Australian company this week. Lots to think about!

I keep popping back here to see if there's been any update from you 😁, not quite the update I was hoping for, but thanks for coming back to the thread!

Have you continued to see your boss outside of work? How's that been going?

Agapornis · 14/09/2026 21:25

I'd ask your current work for an year's unpaid leave. Make the most of this negotiation offer and go see something of the world!

Men come and go.

Greatexpect · 14/09/2026 22:52

Agapornis · 14/09/2026 21:25

I'd ask your current work for an year's unpaid leave. Make the most of this negotiation offer and go see something of the world!

Men come and go.

It’s amazing how many people think that moving to the other side of the world (to experience a culture very similar to ours in a hotter climate with some cooler animals) is automatically some kind of incredible adventure. You’re far away from your family and friends, from all the people you love and now you’re giving up the chance for a promotion in a job you already know and like and with people who clearly value you. If you like your life the walking away from it is not a clear cut good decision.

Nearlymelanie · 14/09/2026 22:55

At last, someone else who sees it the way I do! Thank you Greatexpect

mellongoose · 15/09/2026 04:34

Greatexpect · 14/09/2026 22:52

It’s amazing how many people think that moving to the other side of the world (to experience a culture very similar to ours in a hotter climate with some cooler animals) is automatically some kind of incredible adventure. You’re far away from your family and friends, from all the people you love and now you’re giving up the chance for a promotion in a job you already know and like and with people who clearly value you. If you like your life the walking away from it is not a clear cut good decision.

But it’s only for a year.

@scaredaboutwork they obviously really value you, which is a great feeling.

At 28 I should be encouraging you to see the world. I lived a year in Oz and loved it. Felt so relaxed and free. Fell in love and thought I would stay forever.

However, I also loved coming home.

If you truly love your job and life where you are, you need to weigh up what Oz will give you. Pros and cons.

Only you can make this decision.

As for the guy, if you pursue something then one of you will have to leave, regardless of whether you turn down Oz.

Do you want to be the one who has to leave? Would work be as great if he didn’t work with you?

On balance I would be taking the Oz role but making it clear to your present situation that you value him them and want to return (they may or may not facilitate that but at least no bridges are burnt).

THEN deal with the guy. Good luck!

OneFineDay22 · 15/09/2026 16:47

Greatexpect · 14/09/2026 22:52

It’s amazing how many people think that moving to the other side of the world (to experience a culture very similar to ours in a hotter climate with some cooler animals) is automatically some kind of incredible adventure. You’re far away from your family and friends, from all the people you love and now you’re giving up the chance for a promotion in a job you already know and like and with people who clearly value you. If you like your life the walking away from it is not a clear cut good decision.

I agree and people keep saying things like men come and go - like jobs don’t. You couldn’t pay me enough to make me move to Australia. I know 7 people who have all lived and worked over there (some for years), and 2 who travelled for months there not working and they all hated it. The only people I know who haven’t hated Australia are people that have gone on holiday there for up to 2 months.

People on MN so often don’t seem to be able to see past their own preferences. The Op said quite clearly she didn’t know if she wanted to go anyway (not just because of the man) but there are pages of people saying “go to Australia” 🤦‍♀️

ErinBell01 · 16/09/2026 01:57

IronEverything · 14/09/2026 20:02

Hmm I'm not always keen on companies who do this. They only want to promote you and pay your more because you are considering going elsewhere. Why didn't they offer you that before now if it was available?

This has happened to my son a couple of times, I think he sought out other companies who might emply him just so he could say that he was thinking of moving on. So he was happy, he got a significant raise and in one case a step up.

FreddoBRIDGE · 16/09/2026 10:01

IronEverything · 14/09/2026 20:02

Hmm I'm not always keen on companies who do this. They only want to promote you and pay your more because you are considering going elsewhere. Why didn't they offer you that before now if it was available?

That’s pretty much all companies that I’ve worked for! The only way to get a big pay rise is to find a new job and then your existing company will match it to keep you. I’ve done that several times over my career. The largest pay rise Ive been offered to stay was 33%. You need to be confident of your value to the company though or they could just say “bye then”

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