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Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

438 replies

scaredaboutwork · 03/09/2026 14:33

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

OP posts:
whackwhackoops · 05/09/2026 08:15

Datgal · 03/09/2026 15:09

Fuck it. I'd tell him. You'd always be wondering what if....He can always get a two (might even be 3 now) working visa and come with. Life's too short.

This… he asked you on a date before and you socialise outside of work I can’t see the dilemma at all

Supperlite · 05/09/2026 08:28

I initiated the conversation about feelings with my last boyfriend. He is now my husband. I have previously initiated a conversation where my friend did not reciprocate, but was flattered. It is not embarrassing to admit your feelings for someone if they don’t reciprocate - it’s always nice to hear someone likes you. There is nothing wrong with the genuinely amazing men I am friends with, they just aren’t my cup of tea. My husband is. In the same way, if you tell him you have feelings for him and he doesn’t reciprocate, that’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re just not his cup of tea. No big deal.

You could say something along the lines of, I really enjoy your friendship and if I am honest I would love to be more than friends with you, and I wondered if you felt the same?

Surgz · 05/09/2026 08:32

If hes single i would tell him. You have nothing to lose. Tell him of the offer, say its an exciting opp , mention how much you will miss him, tell /ask him I may have got this wrong but ... ??? If he reciprocates stay in touch, if he doesnt go freely knowing you said it!
However, Dont have a 'goodbye shag' that is him taking the opportunity and will mess up your life in Oz

GreenHuia · 05/09/2026 08:53

scaredaboutwork · 03/09/2026 15:18

He’s actually a Kiwi who used to live in Australia!

He aha te mea nui o te ao
What is the most important thing in the world?
He tangata, he tangata, he tangata
It is the people, it is the people, it is the people
A Māori proverb since he's a Kiwi bloke. Tell him! I think you would always regret it if you don't.

user1492757084 · 05/09/2026 09:08

Tell him you will miss him as you really enjoy his company and that he is welcome to visit.
Leave the ball in his court.

If Australia is fleeting and you return you can always ask his assistance in finding a job. This will be possible if he has not rejected your deep declarations of love.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 05/09/2026 09:13

Very late to this thread, but tell him.
In my first job, I really liked someone a tiny bit older than me - he’d actually been the year above me at university and we had a couple of friends in common. He left to go to a job in Hong Kong. I was designated driver for his leaving do. He asked me why I wasn’t going with him! I said it was because he’d never asked. With more than 48 hours notice, I probably would have .

Pizzapies · 05/09/2026 09:24

Nah I would just leave and don’t look back. It’s such a good opportunity and maybe part of you is scared and looking for a way out. There’ll be other fish in the sea over there!

LoveMyBusPass · 05/09/2026 09:42

Go to Australia. Obviously, you are torn because it's a daunting prospect. You will do fine. You will grow. I don't think it's allowed to be introverted in Australia, so you could find a new side of yourself over there. Then, maybe, drop him a line to catch up .......

Friendless943 · 05/09/2026 09:54

My advice woukd be, go to Australia. If he has strong feelings for you, he will kerp in touch and try to visit, especially as he has Australia connections.

If he doesn't keep in touch it wasn't right or the right time.

If Aus is a 6m contract and you can afford to go but still have somewhere to live when you come back, then go even if you have qualms. Being able to put it on your CV makes you memorable even if it doesn't work out long term. And it might just be amazing.

Mosaic80 · 05/09/2026 10:00

definitely tell him. He has already asked you out! And even if he has decided you’re just friends, what’s the worst that will happen? He will be flattered, you’ll have a little bit of awkwardness but you’ll go to Australia!

If you want it to be really low key, I’d go to the theatre then text him after saying something like “I had a lovely evening tonight. Do you think you could ever see us being more than friends?”. If he says “no, I think we work better as friends” then you just go “no worries, see you at work!” And pretend it never happened!

Aluna · 05/09/2026 10:02

Friendless943 · 05/09/2026 09:54

My advice woukd be, go to Australia. If he has strong feelings for you, he will kerp in touch and try to visit, especially as he has Australia connections.

If he doesn't keep in touch it wasn't right or the right time.

If Aus is a 6m contract and you can afford to go but still have somewhere to live when you come back, then go even if you have qualms. Being able to put it on your CV makes you memorable even if it doesn't work out long term. And it might just be amazing.

This is such bad advice. He asked her out, she turned him down, if she fucks off to Aus without saying anything he will just infer he was genuinely not interested and find himself a gf who is.

TheChickenRun · 05/09/2026 10:06

Gwenna · 03/09/2026 17:59

This is great advice @scaredaboutwork from @Dery and I love that Susan Jeffers book, and its sequel - highly recommended!

Seconded/thirded

Fear is often part of our primal brain that is entirely risk averse until in a life-threatening situation.

You can assess the real risk: very low. Six months away is nothing and as a gateway to some possibilities is well worth the discomfort.

Prepare to be on your own and confused by having some basic functions planned. Whenever I arrive somewhere unknown I find a shop with postcards and a cafe and write to people. Take a good book and you can go anywhere!

Aluna · 05/09/2026 10:12

Supperlite · 05/09/2026 08:28

I initiated the conversation about feelings with my last boyfriend. He is now my husband. I have previously initiated a conversation where my friend did not reciprocate, but was flattered. It is not embarrassing to admit your feelings for someone if they don’t reciprocate - it’s always nice to hear someone likes you. There is nothing wrong with the genuinely amazing men I am friends with, they just aren’t my cup of tea. My husband is. In the same way, if you tell him you have feelings for him and he doesn’t reciprocate, that’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re just not his cup of tea. No big deal.

You could say something along the lines of, I really enjoy your friendship and if I am honest I would love to be more than friends with you, and I wondered if you felt the same?

Exactly.

I’d known my DH for some time and we’d been hanging out when he sat me down and said: “How do you feel about me?”. I answered that I liked him.
He said he had feelings for me and wanted to date me so if I didn’t feel the we need to cool it off. I did so we do start going out.

But if I hadn’t I would have been very flattered and admired his honesty. I would also have appreciated he didn’t want to waste his own time barking up the wrong tree.

Nearlymelanie · 05/09/2026 10:13

Not for the first time I’m at odds with other mumsnetters. I can’t see why everyone thinks it’s so wonderful to go to work in Australia. I would have hated to go so far away and could imagine being horribly homesick. If the job does last for only six months what will happen on your return? You could have chucked in a perfectly good job and it may not be so easy to get another one in the current market.
But I do agree with the majority that you should be honest about your feelings and see if your friendship could develop into more.

Hellohelga · 05/09/2026 10:16

He asked you on a date and you laughed. You won’t get it together with this man as there’s clearly something stopping you. Go to Aus.

MiaMagwin · 05/09/2026 10:20

It’s not a crush, she said she’s in love.

Aluna · 05/09/2026 10:20

Hellohelga · 05/09/2026 10:16

He asked you on a date and you laughed. You won’t get it together with this man as there’s clearly something stopping you. Go to Aus.

What was stopping her was that she didn’t take it seriously at the time. Now she’s decided she likes him so it makes send to let him know,

Jubulee · 05/09/2026 10:34

A lot of the stuff you see online ‘if he wanted to he would’ isn’t real, decent men do not approach women directly in case it’s inferred as creepy and unwanted. Men do need a signal from a woman to make a move. My now DP had fancied me from the moment he laid eyes on me apparently, but he did nothing but be a nice gent and I had no idea he really liked me till I approached him about it.

You should still go to Australia though 😂

CoffeeAndCats3 · 05/09/2026 10:37

I moved to Australia, but I wouldn't give up the chance of a meaningful relationship to do it. It seems like you really like him.

I think you have to tell him and see if things develop in the next few months if he's on the same page. Maybe you can still move to Australia with him down the track.

pinkishtongue · 05/09/2026 11:05

I would take the opportunity to speak to him more about the potential move when you see him next week. Drop some comments about missing people in the uk and see if you can pick up any vibes (ie. Would he miss you if you went)

OneWildNightWithJBJ · 05/09/2026 11:06

Definitely go to Australia - what an amazing opportunity! But I'd also tell him how you feel. He's already asked you out, so you know his feelings. If you both want to give things a go, then it's quite possible he'd be happy living in Australia again.

Good luck!

Hellohelga · 05/09/2026 11:23

Aluna · 05/09/2026 10:20

What was stopping her was that she didn’t take it seriously at the time. Now she’s decided she likes him so it makes send to let him know,

But why didn’t she take it seriously? You like a guy he asks you out, you say yes. If you choose to say no that says everything. Aus is calling and a new adventure. I’d go.

Edamcheese · 05/09/2026 11:44

As an expat myself many yrs ago I have seen many single people coming from all over the world. You will find especially in Australia that you will never be alone. Somehow within the expat community you will get looked after and you will make many wonderful friends. Your only 28 don’t let this opportunity pass you by. It’s not the end of the world if things don’t work out and you come back to uk. You will start again. Take it from me I’m now 79 years and never regretted going and living in many brilliant destinations. Singapore Saudi Shri Lanka Egypt. No one can take these wonderful memories away. There are many more men that you’ll fall for. Just be brave and take the job. Trust me you won’t be alone for long. Don’t overthink things and fret about what iffs. Be brave Good luck.

TheAngryPuxie · 05/09/2026 11:46

Tell him about the job offer. If he feels the same he won't want you to go. Maybe that will spark the muvh needed conversation.

Aluna · 05/09/2026 11:50

Hellohelga · 05/09/2026 11:23

But why didn’t she take it seriously? You like a guy he asks you out, you say yes. If you choose to say no that says everything. Aus is calling and a new adventure. I’d go.

Because she didn’t think was being serious at the time. Perhaps he caught her off guard.

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