Cheer up lass, it might never happen

It's totally inconsiderate and forcing your views onto someone, that they should cheer up.

This sums up everything I think is failing within our society. So, now I know that seeing someone upset means I should ignore them and leave them to their grief. Who cares what they're going through? Let them suffer alone and at least they aren't offended by my intended kindness.

You're correct. That man had no idea what she was going through and he just wanted to make her feel like someone cared that she was going through something. He assumed it was okay to let her know that he wasn't ignoring her even if he couldn't fix whatever the issue was.

I'm sure if he'd asked what was going on, he'd be accused of being 'intrusive' and there would be other allegations linked to this behaviour.

We really need to get over ourselves and our creative anger. We're ruining our own society with these mental gymnastics.

"Cheer up love, might never happen" from bloke in car park mid-morning.

"It just did, now FUCK OFF" was the reply I gave, because I was on my way home from work after just having learned of the sudden death of my last surviving relative. He was lucky I didn't deck him.

Don't be ridiculous. That man had no idea what's going on in the OP's life. It's one thing saying something like that as a joke to a mate, but to confront a total stranger with it? It's the opposite of kind. It's totally inconsiderate and forcing your views onto someone, that they should cheer up.

If you asked a thousand women whether they’d ever been told ‘smile love, it might never happen’ or similar, by a man, I think you’d probably get close to 1000 saying yes.
Men - out of a thousand I’d say you’d struggle to find any who this had actually happened to. Maybe half a dozen?
It’s not the slightest bit kindly intentioned, it’s policing women’s facial expressions. If those men were actually concerned about women’s feelings they’d realise that either:

1. The woman is having a shit day or something awful’s happened - the comment is therefore intrusive, rude and inappropriate. Or
2. The woman had been feeling fine, but is now pissed off because some random thought it was appropriate to tell her off for not looking cheerful - the comment is therefore intrusive, rude and inappropriate

It's not a way of "cheering someone up". You might get a smile back, but that will be thanks to social conditioning, not happiness.
I used to know a man who did this to every woman who he thought needed their "day brightening", and you couldn't convince him otherwise. He's dead now though.

'did I ask for your opinion of my facial expression'?
Probably best to ignore but that's not easy when you feel furious ...and of course we should not feel furious but it's not easy when some dick makes a remark like that.

You made it a man vs woman issue. I was speaking on behalf of the older generation that can't seem to say anything at all without causing offense.

If you want to walk around with a face like a slapped arse, that's fine, but some people REGARDLESS OF GENDER, will think you will want cheering up. That is not a flaw within their character. It shows empathy and kindness even if it is in error some of the time.

Alright, bye then 👋

YANBU.

It's utterly shit. Women being told they owe it to men to smile. Because we couldn't possibly have anything to be unhappy about, and our job is to make a cheery, pleasant background for their world.

I agree with the previous poster who always tells them that someone just died. Let them feel how inappropriate and intrusive their comment was.

My other favourite response was something I heard about second-hand. A young cashier (female, obviously) being told to smile by a customer (male, obviously). A lady further back in the queue piped up, "Just because you're a clown, doesn't mean she has to smile."

But I have? Is this a man bashing thread, an elderly bashing thread or are we seeking to understand human behaviour in the face of grief? If we are just bashing, then I have nothing further to say as it just confirms what I think of an already broken society.

I have never ever seen men do or say this to other men. It is always men doing it to women because they feel entitled to bother women with their patronising bollocks. So no, I don't know what that man's specific intention was but I can take a bloody good guess.

How is a stranger saying 'cheer up' a kindness?
Unless you think the purpose of women is to be pretty ornaments and it is kind of a man to remind them when they are failing by looking a bit miserable?

Really? Unless he comes on to confirm what you're saying, then there are two sides to every story.

But people who are trying to comfort others don't have that expectation. This is a narrative that people make up when they are hurting because it's easy to lash out at others who are not in the same place of pain. It's not reality. No one in the world is telling someone how to behave when they make these comments which are meant to be light hearted in order to assist someone in pain. Really, we need to stop fuelling this nonsense if we want to become better with being a nicer society.

Thank you for posting that article. Interesting read

Where was the man showing kindness? He was being rude, patronising, and sexist. He felt entitled to approach OP and spout some bollocks at her because she's a woman and he thinks women exist to be pretty and smiley. 🙄

It’s the opposite of kind it’s not having a smile on your face and being the good, gentle, happy pretty little thing they think you should be to make their day feel brighter.

I'm sorry to here that. I had this last week sat in a hospital cafe having just been told dc has cancer and it may not be a good outcome. I wish I'd come back with that instead of a blank stare. I will use that next time though.

Older people can't say anything without being accused of 'doing' something offensive. It's so exhausting. Why are you so angry at a stranger showing kindness? Maybe you need to consider you are not shown enough kindness and now react badly to good intent? Maybe retrain your brain to see where good intent lies versus your immediate negative reaction? We all spout that we need more 'kindness' in this world and then freak out when it's displayed in a way that isn't to our liking. It's so bizarre!!!!!!!!

That aside, whatever HAS happened to you to make you upset, I'm sorry. If saying this to you is 'triggering' (because I've read we shouldn't say things like I'm sorry, you're in my thoughts, I'll pray for you etc.) just know I have genuinely said this with good intent just as I've offered advice above.

What a weird thread. I don’t understand why anyone would be so angry at someone making a passing comment like that - people have been saying that for longer than I can remember and I’ve heard just as many women as many saying similar things. Of course some people will be going through a difficult experience or have had bad news, but it’s not exactly something to get so wound up about 😆

I had this. I was buying vases as my husband had died a couple of days earlier aged 50." Cheer up, it may never happen" so I told him it already had. Oh boy he was mortified! Hope he learned a lesson from that encounter.

My go to is 'my mum just died'. (she died years ago so I feel no risk tempting fate with that one). Makes 'em think twice for next time I hope.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/apr/27/cheer-up-love-why-is-harriet-tubman-being-told-to-smile-100-years-after-her-death