Cheer up lass, it might never happen

I hate that too, I am raging on your behalf. If anyone says it to me I reply “it already has” in an angsty voice. Then they usually leave you alone. They think they are being so smart but actually they are twats.

I think your reaction is bizarrely over the top. Just nod, ignore and get on with your day.

Why would the comment warrant being furious, giving him a piece of your mind and calling him a cunt?

It's been years since it happened to me. "It just did" was my response. Although I do like, "thanks random man".

How dare you walk around not decorating the world and providing entertainment for men? HOW DARE YOU?

Got the same having been given a cancer diagnosis a couple of hours before. I did say something. And I did get an apology.

I had this. My ds had just died. I put them straight.

“I don’t owe you a smile, you have no idea what is going on in my life”

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/apr/27/cheer-up-love-why-is-harriet-tubman-being-told-to-smile-100-years-after-her-death

My go to is 'my mum just died'. (she died years ago so I feel no risk tempting fate with that one). Makes 'em think twice for next time I hope.

I had this. I was buying vases as my husband had died a couple of days earlier aged 50." Cheer up, it may never happen" so I told him it already had. Oh boy he was mortified! Hope he learned a lesson from that encounter.

What a weird thread. I don’t understand why anyone would be so angry at someone making a passing comment like that - people have been saying that for longer than I can remember and I’ve heard just as many women as many saying similar things. Of course some people will be going through a difficult experience or have had bad news, but it’s not exactly something to get so wound up about 😆

Older people can't say anything without being accused of 'doing' something offensive. It's so exhausting. Why are you so angry at a stranger showing kindness? Maybe you need to consider you are not shown enough kindness and now react badly to good intent? Maybe retrain your brain to see where good intent lies versus your immediate negative reaction? We all spout that we need more 'kindness' in this world and then freak out when it's displayed in a way that isn't to our liking. It's so bizarre!!!!!!!!

That aside, whatever HAS happened to you to make you upset, I'm sorry. If saying this to you is 'triggering' (because I've read we shouldn't say things like I'm sorry, you're in my thoughts, I'll pray for you etc.) just know I have genuinely said this with good intent just as I've offered advice above.

I'm sorry to here that. I had this last week sat in a hospital cafe having just been told dc has cancer and it may not be a good outcome. I wish I'd come back with that instead of a blank stare. I will use that next time though.

It’s the opposite of kind it’s not having a smile on your face and being the good, gentle, happy pretty little thing they think you should be to make their day feel brighter.

Where was the man showing kindness? He was being rude, patronising, and sexist. He felt entitled to approach OP and spout some bollocks at her because she's a woman and he thinks women exist to be pretty and smiley. 🙄

Thank you for posting that article. Interesting read

But people who are trying to comfort others don't have that expectation. This is a narrative that people make up when they are hurting because it's easy to lash out at others who are not in the same place of pain. It's not reality. No one in the world is telling someone how to behave when they make these comments which are meant to be light hearted in order to assist someone in pain. Really, we need to stop fuelling this nonsense if we want to become better with being a nicer society.

Really? Unless he comes on to confirm what you're saying, then there are two sides to every story.

How is a stranger saying 'cheer up' a kindness?
Unless you think the purpose of women is to be pretty ornaments and it is kind of a man to remind them when they are failing by looking a bit miserable?

I have never ever seen men do or say this to other men. It is always men doing it to women because they feel entitled to bother women with their patronising bollocks. So no, I don't know what that man's specific intention was but I can take a bloody good guess.

But I have? Is this a man bashing thread, an elderly bashing thread or are we seeking to understand human behaviour in the face of grief? If we are just bashing, then I have nothing further to say as it just confirms what I think of an already broken society.

YANBU.

It's utterly shit. Women being told they owe it to men to smile. Because we couldn't possibly have anything to be unhappy about, and our job is to make a cheery, pleasant background for their world.

I agree with the previous poster who always tells them that someone just died. Let them feel how inappropriate and intrusive their comment was.

My other favourite response was something I heard about second-hand. A young cashier (female, obviously) being told to smile by a customer (male, obviously). A lady further back in the queue piped up, "Just because you're a clown, doesn't mean she has to smile."

Alright, bye then 👋