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Original poster

Cheer up lass, it might never happen

82 replies

Rantyrantface · 26/08/2026 14:57

I’m so annoyed I need a rant.

There I am just minding my own business walking around the supermarket, picking up a few things.

When an older man has just come up to me stopped in front of me, waved his walking stick at me and said boldly, “cheer up lads, it might never appen”.

I’m furious with myself for not giving him a piece of my mind.

Not that I owe any explanation but I’m feeling unwell, I also just happened to be thinking about my mum who has severe arthritis in both knee's and has just lost her beloved dog. So wasn’t walking around with a big grin plastered to my face.

Honestly who do these cunts think they are? I haven’t had anyone say this to me for years but used to get it regularly when younger.

OP posts:
Tobacco · 03/09/2026 15:19

FlyingPC · 03/09/2026 14:09

Yes, I do. So does that make me a bad person?

No.

Does it mean my POV is different than yours? Yes.

Should I condemn you for your POV and put malintent towards it because it doesn't align with mine?

IMO, no.

What if I were crying on a bench, in public, and decided to hate society for not bothering to check in on me with any comment, acknowledgement at all because MN told them it was 'insensitive, instrusive, old fashioned' etc for reaching out in the way they thought was showing kindness?

How can we be a kinder society when all we do is seek to find injustice and evil in every single interaction?

It's so childish and insular and contradicts every statement about having a 'kind' society. We can't have a kind society if we're scared to show kindness.

We have to push back on this because it is destructive.

Show quote history

Cheer up love, it might never happen.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/09/2026 14:44

FlyingPC · 03/09/2026 14:20

Look, I'll leave you all to your misery but you're not spreading it this way. If you're SO sensitive about how people attempt to cheer you up, you really can't be that sad and you need some real introspection about where all of your hate and rage is coming from.

That old man did nothing wrong.

Period.

I'm glad there are people out there like him and less of what I see on here.

MN is a snowglobe of hate and indictment and I'm glad the world doesn't operate this way IRL.

Leave you all to it!

Holy hyperbole Batman.

And your tone is a little sensitive and miserable as well. Pot - kettle.

Beetbeet · 03/09/2026 14:30

Error404FucksNotFound · 03/09/2026 14:22

Thank fuck for that.

Show quote history

I wouldn't speak too soon. It's not the first flounce by this poster on this thread, and it might not be the last...

Growlybear83 · 03/09/2026 14:30

AgentPidge · 03/09/2026 13:57

Maybe it's regional? Not normal to have a woman say this where I've lived ( SE and SW).

Show quote history

I’ve lived in London and Kent my entire life and it’s been completely normal for women to say this hwre

Peopleshouldhavetails · 03/09/2026 14:24

I totally agree OP, it’s a rude comment regardless of the man/woman issue.
I was once told this after learning of a family members suicide - it tipped me right over the edge as I had been trying to hold myself together (and thought I was managing well) - I gave the man a right earful , whilst crying hysterically - he probably learnt his lesson that day 😬

noonames · 03/09/2026 14:23

FlyingPC · 03/09/2026 14:09

Yes, I do. So does that make me a bad person?

No.

Does it mean my POV is different than yours? Yes.

Should I condemn you for your POV and put malintent towards it because it doesn't align with mine?

IMO, no.

What if I were crying on a bench, in public, and decided to hate society for not bothering to check in on me with any comment, acknowledgement at all because MN told them it was 'insensitive, instrusive, old fashioned' etc for reaching out in the way they thought was showing kindness?

How can we be a kinder society when all we do is seek to find injustice and evil in every single interaction?

It's so childish and insular and contradicts every statement about having a 'kind' society. We can't have a kind society if we're scared to show kindness.

We have to push back on this because it is destructive.

Show quote history

If you were crying on a bench, would you really feel better if a stranger told you merrily to cheer up, it might never happen? There is quite a difference between trying to comfort someone and making a performative crass remark. As a tip, next time you see someone crying on a bench, if you really must intervene, try asking them gently if you can do anything to help them.

Error404FucksNotFound · 03/09/2026 14:22

FlyingPC · 03/09/2026 14:20

Look, I'll leave you all to your misery but you're not spreading it this way. If you're SO sensitive about how people attempt to cheer you up, you really can't be that sad and you need some real introspection about where all of your hate and rage is coming from.

That old man did nothing wrong.

Period.

I'm glad there are people out there like him and less of what I see on here.

MN is a snowglobe of hate and indictment and I'm glad the world doesn't operate this way IRL.

Leave you all to it!

Thank fuck for that.

itwasyourshowallalong · 03/09/2026 14:21

Kindness is a sympathetic smile

Or holding a door open

Or picking up something that someone has dropped

Or offering a tissue and a shoulder touch to someone who is crying

It’s not telling someone to cheer up. Whatever your intentions might be, and as kind as you THINK you’re being, it’s just not

Don’t try to be witty or funny or elicit a smile. Just be nice

LadyWhistledownsSocietyPapers · 03/09/2026 14:20

FlyingPC · 03/09/2026 13:24

You made it a man vs woman issue. I was speaking on behalf of the older generation that can't seem to say anything at all without causing offense.

If you want to walk around with a face like a slapped arse, that's fine, but some people REGARDLESS OF GENDER, will think you will want cheering up. That is not a flaw within their character. It shows empathy and kindness even if it is in error some of the time.

Show quote history

Are you a man or a woman?

I have never heard a man say this to another man he doesn't know. Friends, yes. But not strangers.

And it's absolutely nothing to do with the man's age, men of all ages do it and it's just as irritating.

FlyingPC · 03/09/2026 14:20

Look, I'll leave you all to your misery but you're not spreading it this way. If you're SO sensitive about how people attempt to cheer you up, you really can't be that sad and you need some real introspection about where all of your hate and rage is coming from.

That old man did nothing wrong.

Period.

I'm glad there are people out there like him and less of what I see on here.

MN is a snowglobe of hate and indictment and I'm glad the world doesn't operate this way IRL.

Leave you all to it!

Error404FucksNotFound · 03/09/2026 14:17

How the fuck is it kind to tell someone they look miserable and need to rearrange their face so it looks happier?

You dont look happy. I want you to appear happy.

Seriously. How is that kind?

Kind would be looking at someone who looks unhappy and understanding that perhaps there is a reason for that and leaving them the fuck alone.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/09/2026 14:15

FlyingPC · 03/09/2026 14:09

Yes, I do. So does that make me a bad person?

No.

Does it mean my POV is different than yours? Yes.

Should I condemn you for your POV and put malintent towards it because it doesn't align with mine?

IMO, no.

What if I were crying on a bench, in public, and decided to hate society for not bothering to check in on me with any comment, acknowledgement at all because MN told them it was 'insensitive, instrusive, old fashioned' etc for reaching out in the way they thought was showing kindness?

How can we be a kinder society when all we do is seek to find injustice and evil in every single interaction?

It's so childish and insular and contradicts every statement about having a 'kind' society. We can't have a kind society if we're scared to show kindness.

We have to push back on this because it is destructive.

Show quote history

I have approached many distressed people in the street many times. I've called ambulances, I've waited while someone came to pick up someone's dead cat, I've made sure someone's bad date went away, I've administered naloxone, I've checked in a LOT with people.

I've never told someone to cheer up. Because it's rude and does the opposite of what you think it does.

Society isn't failing. It's perfectly possible to check in, be concerned and kind, without telling a stranger to cheer up FFS.

Asked DH (6 foot, shaved head, perma-broken nose, resting scary face) never once been told to cheer up. And he looks VERY grumpy all the time. Except at home, he's pure Hufflepuff!

FlyingPC · 03/09/2026 14:11

Tobacco · 03/09/2026 14:08

They probably say it at funerals

Show quote history

Was OP at a funeral? No. Your comment is low effort sniping and doesn't offer anything to the discussion.

FlyingPC · 03/09/2026 14:09

noonames · 03/09/2026 14:05

Do you really think that a kind and effective way to show an upset person that you care is to tell them jauntily to cheer up?

Show quote history

Yes, I do. So does that make me a bad person?

No.

Does it mean my POV is different than yours? Yes.

Should I condemn you for your POV and put malintent towards it because it doesn't align with mine?

IMO, no.

What if I were crying on a bench, in public, and decided to hate society for not bothering to check in on me with any comment, acknowledgement at all because MN told them it was 'insensitive, instrusive, old fashioned' etc for reaching out in the way they thought was showing kindness?

How can we be a kinder society when all we do is seek to find injustice and evil in every single interaction?

It's so childish and insular and contradicts every statement about having a 'kind' society. We can't have a kind society if we're scared to show kindness.

We have to push back on this because it is destructive.

Tobacco · 03/09/2026 14:08

noonames · 03/09/2026 14:05

Do you really think that a kind and effective way to show an upset person that you care is to tell them jauntily to cheer up?

Show quote history

They probably say it at funerals

Tobacco · 03/09/2026 14:06

noonames · 03/09/2026 14:05

Do you really think that a kind and effective way to show an upset person that you care is to tell them jauntily to cheer up?

Show quote history

They probably have poor social skills if they go round telling people to cheer up

noonames · 03/09/2026 14:05

FlyingPC · 03/09/2026 13:51

It's totally inconsiderate and forcing your views onto someone, that they should cheer up.

This sums up everything I think is failing within our society. So, now I know that seeing someone upset means I should ignore them and leave them to their grief. Who cares what they're going through? Let them suffer alone and at least they aren't offended by my intended kindness.

You're correct. That man had no idea what she was going through and he just wanted to make her feel like someone cared that she was going through something. He assumed it was okay to let her know that he wasn't ignoring her even if he couldn't fix whatever the issue was.

I'm sure if he'd asked what was going on, he'd be accused of being 'intrusive' and there would be other allegations linked to this behaviour.

We really need to get over ourselves and our creative anger. We're ruining our own society with these mental gymnastics.

Show quote history

Do you really think that a kind and effective way to show an upset person that you care is to tell them jauntily to cheer up?

Tobacco · 03/09/2026 14:04

Men aren't expected to walk around with a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what's going on in their life and women shouldn't be either.

Tobacco · 03/09/2026 14:02

It's because women are expected by some men to be decorative. It's not said to men. (Although no doubt I'll get people saying that male members of their family are regularly told to "Cheer up love, it might never happen.")

FlyingPC · 03/09/2026 13:59

AgentPidge · 03/09/2026 13:55

Er no. I'm older generation too. I've never had a woman tell me to "cheer up, love, it might never happen". It's not generational. Young men as well as older ones certainly used to do it. I don't know if some younger ones still do.

Show quote history

Well, I'm 'older' and I have had a woman to tell me to cheer up. Come to find out, when I engaged in conversation with her, she was recovering from cancer and the loss of her son. She was showing kindness that was shown to her.

Other women tell women to cheer up, ask them what's wrong of if they'd like to go out for a drink and 'forget' what is happening etc. I've had this with work colleagues I barely know etc. I do this with other people and I'm bloody well not changing what I do based on this thread!

So, like I said, let's stop fostering a society of hate due to suspicions of intent and take kind comments as they are intended, which is to be kind.

If someone's knee jerk reaction to kindness is to suppose malintent, that says a lot about the person reacting.

AgentPidge · 03/09/2026 13:57

Growlybear83 · 03/09/2026 13:51

🙄🙄🙄We’ll have to agree to disagree. In my 68 years Im fairly certain thst Ive been told to ‘cheer up it might never happen’ by just as many women as men. It’s the sort of expression has little meaning - it’s just something that many people say when they see someone with a particularly glum expression. I have never felt any woman or man who has said that to me has been ill intentioned or was ‘policing my facial expression’ , and it’s never irritated me in the least, even when a woman ( yes, a WOMAN) said this to me when my dad had just died. Why does everything on Mumsnet have to turn into a man bashing thread?

Show quote history

Maybe it's regional? Not normal to have a woman say this where I've lived ( SE and SW).

AgentPidge · 03/09/2026 13:55

FlyingPC · 03/09/2026 13:24

You made it a man vs woman issue. I was speaking on behalf of the older generation that can't seem to say anything at all without causing offense.

If you want to walk around with a face like a slapped arse, that's fine, but some people REGARDLESS OF GENDER, will think you will want cheering up. That is not a flaw within their character. It shows empathy and kindness even if it is in error some of the time.

Show quote history

Er no. I'm older generation too. I've never had a woman tell me to "cheer up, love, it might never happen". It's not generational. Young men as well as older ones certainly used to do it. I don't know if some younger ones still do.

Empress13 · 03/09/2026 13:54

Agree. Just keep your thoughts to yourself no one knows what is going on in people’s lives.

TallulahBetty · 03/09/2026 13:54

As with many things...... "Not all men, but Always A Man."

Growlybear83 · 03/09/2026 13:51

PetiteParakeet · 03/09/2026 13:39

If you asked a thousand women whether they’d ever been told ‘smile love, it might never happen’ or similar, by a man, I think you’d probably get close to 1000 saying yes.
Men - out of a thousand I’d say you’d struggle to find any who this had actually happened to. Maybe half a dozen?
It’s not the slightest bit kindly intentioned, it’s policing women’s facial expressions. If those men were actually concerned about women’s feelings they’d realise that either:

  1. The woman is having a shit day or something awful’s happened - the comment is therefore intrusive, rude and inappropriate. Or
  2. The woman had been feeling fine, but is now pissed off because some random thought it was appropriate to tell her off for not looking cheerful - the comment is therefore intrusive, rude and inappropriate
Show quote history

🙄🙄🙄We’ll have to agree to disagree. In my 68 years Im fairly certain thst Ive been told to ‘cheer up it might never happen’ by just as many women as men. It’s the sort of expression has little meaning - it’s just something that many people say when they see someone with a particularly glum expression. I have never felt any woman or man who has said that to me has been ill intentioned or was ‘policing my facial expression’ , and it’s never irritated me in the least, even when a woman ( yes, a WOMAN) said this to me when my dad had just died. Why does everything on Mumsnet have to turn into a man bashing thread?