Cheer up lass, it might never happen

Thank fuck for that.

If you were crying on a bench, would you really feel better if a stranger told you merrily to cheer up, it might never happen? There is quite a difference between trying to comfort someone and making a performative crass remark. As a tip, next time you see someone crying on a bench, if you really must intervene, try asking them gently if you can do anything to help them.

I totally agree OP, it’s a rude comment regardless of the man/woman issue.
I was once told this after learning of a family members suicide - it tipped me right over the edge as I had been trying to hold myself together (and thought I was managing well) - I gave the man a right earful , whilst crying hysterically - he probably learnt his lesson that day 😬

I’ve lived in London and Kent my entire life and it’s been completely normal for women to say this hwre

I wouldn't speak too soon. It's not the first flounce by this poster on this thread, and it might not be the last...

Holy hyperbole Batman.

And your tone is a little sensitive and miserable as well. Pot - kettle.

Cheer up love, it might never happen.

Exactly. No one knows what a stranger is going through.

Much better.

This reminds me of a clip I saw of some builders telling a young girl to smile and she says “I’ve just been to a FUCKING funeral, so FUCK OFF” or something like that. I had been crying once after being dumped and I was walking home through town and was told to smile; it just made me cry more. There’s no need for it at all. I was fully prepared to be told the same the other day after walking home from the hospital, having just seen my grandma nearly die. Funny enough I didn’t, but I was prepared to chew someone’s face off if they made this horrid comment. Mind your own.

And the emphasis on 'older people' is annoying too. When I was a teenager, in school uniform, I was told to 'cheer up love' a LOT. By leering arseholes. Including older ones.

I remember to this day one old man who was not them. I had terrible stomach cramps, standing on a bus. Ashen faced and thinking I was going to faint. A very old man offered me his seat. Kindly, and thoughtfully. He'd be well over 100 years old now if he was alive. And I still remember him, decades later. Because I was so trained to give up my seat, I was worried, but he was just so firm but kind. It helped so much. So no, it isn't age. Or sex, in fact. Some older men are kind and helpful and thoughtful. Ones that tell women to rearrange their face aren't those.

I hope that man was loved and cared for.

A woman has done it to me, twice! The same woman. I hate it

We had similar at a National Trust property a few weeks ago. Went there with my parents, my husband and two daughters aged 14 and 6. 14 year old was a bit grumpy and when we went to go in the actual NT house in the afternoon, she had a face on. One of the NT volunteers who was greeting people as they walked into the house spotted her and said ‘well, someone’s not happy to be here’. Which pissed my daughter off even more and just left us feeling a bit off as we walked around the house. As it happens, my daughter has had a very traumatic 12 months and is just coming out the other side of a severe eating disorder and we are also exploring the possibility she may be AuDHD and she has many anxieties and issues just dealing with life in general. Just the fact that she’s agreed to come on a day out with my parents, which also involved eating lunch etc with other people and having to socialise was a massive thing for her after everything she’s been through. Yes she was a bit upset at that particular moment in time but she didn’t need a stranger pointing it out to her and everyone within earshot.

I used to be a bar manager and got this 6 times a night. Just tell them your gran/dog/best mate died that morning. They soon feel like shite bags and apologise

If he's carrying a stick, he is probably in pain himself, even if it's intermittent. And that saying is a cliche, like when someone asks how are you, they generally don't mean it literally.

I always tell the fuckers my dad just died. They look so embarassed.

We should always call them out on it. Arses who think women have to have a permasmile plastered on our faces so we are easier on the eye. They don't feel the urge to say that to thunderous looking 6 foot men bulked out on steroids. I wonder why.

@FlyingPC "Other women tell women to cheer up, ask them what's wrong of if they'd like to go out for a drink and 'forget' what is happening etc. I've had this with work colleagues I barely know etc. I do this with other people and I'm bloody well not changing what I do based on this thread!"

So you walk up to absolutely complete and utter strangers in the street or the supermarket. People who are totally minding their own business and seemingly not in distress, and you stand in front of them and tell them to "cheer up". Or even ask them out for a drink to "forget about it" without any prior conversation or anything. I very, very, very much doubt that.

You think in London that it's normal for a woman to go up to another woman, a complete stranger, and tell her to cheer up because it might never happen?

OK then. I must be deaf.

This isn't about seeing someone who seems upset and trying to comfort them. It's seeing someone who is going about their day and looks pissed off. You don't know, but they might have had (like me today) tried to drop off a pre-paid fucking parcel at a fucking locker and the QR code didn't work and the helpline bot asked for the barcode number and said it was wrong and asked for it again. So I am pulling my hair out and don't look happy. OR my dog is in having an operation and I don't know if he'll survive (the situation last time someone said something like the 'cheer up, love' thing to me). Etc etc.

The first is kind. The second is intrusive. Can you not see the difference?

Yes, it's funny, that. I work in publishing and it's an accepted thing not by me that female authors should smile in the cover photos on their books but male authors shouldn't. Weird.

@FlyingPC "This sums up everything I think is failing within our society. So, now I know that seeing someone upset means I should ignore them and leave them to their grief."

This isn't about seeing someone upset. What part of this don't you understand! The OP wasn't in distress or danger or anything. She was just minding her own business doing her weekly shop when a total stranger comes up to her and tells her to cheer up. That's not helpful or reassuring to anyone. It's more likely to make you feel unhappy or insecure because it's implying you look miserable or there's something wrong with you. Nobody normal just walks up to a total stranger (who isn't in distress) and tells them simply to "cheer up". That's not kind at all.

I completely disagree. Some wanker told me to "smile- it might never happen!" when I was on my way to the solicitors after my dad had just died a really horrible upsetting death from dementia.

They are cunts. It's always men saying it to younger women. Men never say it to other men- think about why that is.

Secondly, these are strangers - you have no fucking clue what someone might be dealing with so to tell someone to smile or cheer up is incredibly insensitive and rude.

Cunts.

Exactly. I have never read such nonsense in my life- who goes up to some random stranger and asks them out for a drink to "forget"? that sounds creepy as hell 🙄