Where do I start when everything in life needs changing?

I actually tick a lot of your boxes too! How old are you?

I am going to be brutally honest and rational with you that your biggest priorory in your 40s and 50s is your pension. The time that your savings has to compound is higher.

I would evaluate your earning potential or any side hustles, but first to help you with that I highly recommend doing the free Rebel Finance School course. They also have regional groups that meet up so this could provide a social avenue with people with shared ambitions (of retiring one day!). You will feel way better knowing that is taken care of.

Second priority is physical health as no point reaching old age if no health. Joint pain will ease with weight loss.

Mental health is easy to address as you clearly know what is causing it - isolation and habits.

However isolation is insidious and it will keep you in a downward circle. So start with being around people more - a coffee shop, a library. Go regularly. Find an online group. Find an in person weekly hobby you can get to.

Just change one thing at a time.

Have read all of your posts OP, not read all the replies.

If i was in your position, I would be gentle with myself, I would afford myself the grace that I give other people.
When I make mistakes, I would tell myself that nobody is perfect and making mistakes is ok, I would think what I would say to a friend and say that to myself.

Secondly, I would get outside every single day, whether thats in the garden or a walk.

Thirdly, I would reach out to people, say hello to people I come across, ask about their dog, compliment something I like about them. Only last week, I told a lady in the post office that I adore the character on her top. Reaching out is so good for your social meter.

Fourth, I would look for ways to help other people, doesnt have to be in big ways, but some sort of contribution to your community or neighbours.

Fifth, I would prioritise sleep.

Sixth, I would discover why I eat crap. Do I eat it when I am feeling low, bored, stressed, happy?

All of those things will hugely improve your mental health and help lift you up.
When your mental health is better, you will find the physical stuff easier to do.

I wasn't sure what it would achieve either, but it changed a lot when it happened.

I am 46. You have got time still regarding the pension. Throw your efforts behind it from now until 50 to improve your financial situation of saving more.

You have some highly positive things going for you. You recognize that you are a good person. That’s wonderful.

Also you know what you want to see changed and you are looking for answers. Keep looking and you’ll be successful.

It is hard to make other changes when you don’t physically feel well, so I’d focus on that as the major goal first.

Would you be willing to spend less on food and put that toward a personal trainer? I began seeing one 30 minutes just twice per week in May. It was really hard for about 3 weeks. Then I stopped hating it, and now I crave it. My body started changing within a few sessions.

Also, are you hydrated?

ADHD jumped out to me too based on your post. Where a diagnosis was helpful for me is I learnt about how an ADHD brain thinks and could therefore learn techniques or adjust to avoid using standard techniques for things that work for other people but just don’t work for me.

But you could look into these techniques without needing a diagnosis - try ADDitude online magazine, it has good resources.

Well done!

Amazing :) I have been reading your post and relating to a lot of it. Noting down some suggestions (thank you, everyone.) Then I get to this and see what you’ve done. I’m going to do something to change today too. You’ve inspired a stranger, OP. Thank you.

Take the first step now. Book yourself in at the hairdresser's. Buy a couple of new outfits. Get out. See new things. Get a new routine. Walk faster and for longer. Then start on part 2 of the improved you.

Yes! Well done. Working on getting strong and seeing your body for what it can do is such a powerful feel good feeling.

I understand some of these feelings and honestly, losing weight has helped me hugely with so many other areas. I’ve lost 4 stone and have another 2 to go but my confidence has returned and it’s amazing how much that’s affected other areas of my life too. For example, caring for elderly parents has become easier because I’m now confident enough to put gentle boundaries in place (whereas before I didn’t think I was worth anything). I’ve got more energy and without even realising it, started doing more around the house, tackling jobs I couldn’t be bothered with etc. For me, the one small/big change was losing weight and then it’s surprised me how much else has followed.