Where do I start when everything in life needs changing?

I understand some of these feelings and honestly, losing weight has helped me hugely with so many other areas. I’ve lost 4 stone and have another 2 to go but my confidence has returned and it’s amazing how much that’s affected other areas of my life too. For example, caring for elderly parents has become easier because I’m now confident enough to put gentle boundaries in place (whereas before I didn’t think I was worth anything). I’ve got more energy and without even realising it, started doing more around the house, tackling jobs I couldn’t be bothered with etc. For me, the one small/big change was losing weight and then it’s surprised me how much else has followed.

Yes! Well done. Working on getting strong and seeing your body for what it can do is such a powerful feel good feeling.

Take the first step now. Book yourself in at the hairdresser's. Buy a couple of new outfits. Get out. See new things. Get a new routine. Walk faster and for longer. Then start on part 2 of the improved you.

Amazing :) I have been reading your post and relating to a lot of it. Noting down some suggestions (thank you, everyone.) Then I get to this and see what you’ve done. I’m going to do something to change today too. You’ve inspired a stranger, OP. Thank you.

Well done!

ADHD jumped out to me too based on your post. Where a diagnosis was helpful for me is I learnt about how an ADHD brain thinks and could therefore learn techniques or adjust to avoid using standard techniques for things that work for other people but just don’t work for me.

But you could look into these techniques without needing a diagnosis - try ADDitude online magazine, it has good resources.

You have some highly positive things going for you. You recognize that you are a good person. That’s wonderful.

Also you know what you want to see changed and you are looking for answers. Keep looking and you’ll be successful.

It is hard to make other changes when you don’t physically feel well, so I’d focus on that as the major goal first.

Would you be willing to spend less on food and put that toward a personal trainer? I began seeing one 30 minutes just twice per week in May. It was really hard for about 3 weeks. Then I stopped hating it, and now I crave it. My body started changing within a few sessions.

Also, are you hydrated?

I am 46. You have got time still regarding the pension. Throw your efforts behind it from now until 50 to improve your financial situation of saving more.

I wasn't sure what it would achieve either, but it changed a lot when it happened.

Have read all of your posts OP, not read all the replies.

If i was in your position, I would be gentle with myself, I would afford myself the grace that I give other people.
When I make mistakes, I would tell myself that nobody is perfect and making mistakes is ok, I would think what I would say to a friend and say that to myself.

Secondly, I would get outside every single day, whether thats in the garden or a walk.

Thirdly, I would reach out to people, say hello to people I come across, ask about their dog, compliment something I like about them. Only last week, I told a lady in the post office that I adore the character on her top. Reaching out is so good for your social meter.

Fourth, I would look for ways to help other people, doesnt have to be in big ways, but some sort of contribution to your community or neighbours.

Fifth, I would prioritise sleep.

Sixth, I would discover why I eat crap. Do I eat it when I am feeling low, bored, stressed, happy?

All of those things will hugely improve your mental health and help lift you up.
When your mental health is better, you will find the physical stuff easier to do.

I actually tick a lot of your boxes too! How old are you?

I am going to be brutally honest and rational with you that your biggest priorory in your 40s and 50s is your pension. The time that your savings has to compound is higher.

I would evaluate your earning potential or any side hustles, but first to help you with that I highly recommend doing the free Rebel Finance School course. They also have regional groups that meet up so this could provide a social avenue with people with shared ambitions (of retiring one day!). You will feel way better knowing that is taken care of.

Second priority is physical health as no point reaching old age if no health. Joint pain will ease with weight loss.

Mental health is easy to address as you clearly know what is causing it - isolation and habits.

However isolation is insidious and it will keep you in a downward circle. So start with being around people more - a coffee shop, a library. Go regularly. Find an online group. Find an in person weekly hobby you can get to.

Just change one thing at a time.

Losing weight might also solve a number of your other problems- if you lost weight you could join a local sports team, which would help with making friends and being part of the community and also give you a chance to be competitive, which you said you miss. It’d also keep you fit and keep the weight off. It’d also make you feel better about yourself

Yes Op, this is exactly what I was meaning about the tangle loosening almost by itself and self-resolving as more and more strands come free.

you have a lot on your list, it’s too much to try and sort through all at once. Can you maybe pick 3 out of our your list that you can practical work on

Exactly this OP - which is why I tried to break it down in my post above.

No-one could tackle all that at once. A couple of them were stresses, but not really ones you could easily alter at this point, so off the list they go!

I have tried to whittle the list down to two things to focus on for now, but you may have a different feeling about which to tackle first.

But the point is, don't overwhelm yourself with feeling you need to attack the lot. Work methodically. Sometimes these things are like a tangle or knot, and you seem to get nowhere at first, but as some strands unravel, others just fall away.

Also, some of your bullets, while I understood where you were coming from, were just being unnecessarily harsh on yourself. It doesn't matter if you have wrinkles, wear comfortable clothes or watch a bit too much tv. You can tackle those sorts of things when feeling more buoyant. Give yourself some space to fall a bit short for now, and reward yourself for the progress you do make.

Losing weight might also solve a number of your other problems- if you lost weight you could join a local sports team, which would help with making friends and being part of the community and also give you a chance to be competitive, which you said you miss. It’d also keep you fit and keep the weight off. It’d also make you feel better about yourself and probably motivate you to take care of yourself in other ways. And if you start to feel better about yourself it might motivate you to try dating if a partner is what you want. It will probably help with your depression also, however if your depression is severe I’d try some different antidepressants. I tried loads before finding one that worked for me. I’m on Venlafaxine now and it’s been a godsend. SSRIs never worked for me. If you have time? Volunteering locally somewhere might help with a number of your issues too. Have you considered Mounjaro? I’ve lost 4 stone on it and it’s been life changing. I’m back playing competitive sport, actually enjoy going to the gym and my whole body just feel so much better and I have so much more energy

Aww well done for thinking about change. I think start with your physical health. From there you can do other things

BTW an autistic diagnosis is NOT a barrier to travel. You are consuming false news reels if you believe that, and they will be increasing your negative feelings. Get off that media.

Your root problem is that you are socially isolated. Loneliness is a killer. It has worst health outcomes than smoking. Mentally and emotionally it slowly corrodes you, your thoughts become negative, you become depressed and you develop self destructive habits and behaviours, as you have.

This is what you need to address, as once you are less isolated and your mental state improves, you will feel more able to tackle the other issues.

If your autism is a barrier then do research on how to manage social relationships as an autistic person. Chat GPT or similar can be a good resource.

Join whatever there is to join locally. Maybe even use a village facebook page to ask what is going on that you can join. Think about moving to somewhere with more going on. You cannot put your own life on hold for potentially decades because of your parents.

My advice is that your plan needs to focus first and foremost on getting more social contact into your life.

One thing at a time. Write a list
1, Exercise on YouTube - Thai Chi walking to start then find someone who does light weights.
2.Go out for a 20min walk most days
3.Is there any local exercise class you can join weekly - will get you out,
4.Post on Facebook to see if there are any other women who would like to walk once a week.
5.Someone mentioned parkrun - brilliant you can walk and volunteer.

One small change at a time.