AIBU to not want to go to little brother’s wedding?

I would be upset and wouldn’t want to go because it doesn’t work for you. I would be polite about it though and decline and send a card and a nice bottle of something. I also think you and your niece should do something together.

I can't work out who's who . Is little brother a half-brother ( so you have one parent in common) or a step-brother ( with him being the son of your Dad's second wife and her earlier partner) or something else?
Anyway, I think I'd go to the evening do IF it was convenient and I thought it would be fun ( eg live band, dancing, old friends and family to chat to). I wouldn't take the DC unless you think they'd particularly enjoy it. If it's local, you could just pop in for as long as suits you.

Ouch. Sounds like from his point of view, you’re ’extended family’ but from your point of view, you’re all ‘family’. Your mum seems to have given a lot to her ex after they split which is admirable, but did she get anything in return? Was she considered to be ‘the woman who looks after our child’? And she saw it as ‘looking after our family’?

This is where I might be being unreasonable because it’s a bit of a touchy thing for me at moment with family dynamics so my hurt feelings might be exaggerated by wider family issues.

Are these affecting this non-invite do you think?

We all do Christmas things together

Not this year you don’t!

I would be unbelievably hurt by this. I’d rather sit on a beach in the rain by myself than attend ☹️. But if you get to have a nice day with your niece and children, then do so. And yes, post it on Facebook but don’t tag the bride and groom. Tag someone else like ‘hey we finally were able to visit this drainpipe we always wanted to see’ or whatever.

I hate this saying, but I do admit it comes in very handy sometimes - ‘when people tell you who they are, believe them’.

@DelphiniumBlue I can't work out who's who . Is little brother a half-brother ( so you have one parent in common) or a step-brother ( with him being the son of your Dad's second wife and her earlier partner) or something else?

Man and woman have two kids (the oldest siblings who keep out of everything)

Man and woman split

Woman has third (much younger) child which is OP

Man has third much younger child (few years younger than OP) (man getting married)

Original child of man and woman has daughter (the niece who also isn’t invited)

OP, groom and niece are similar ages. Mother (of OP and the two oldest ones) looked after the groom as a child (as a favour to her ex and his second wife) hence why OP feels he is like a brother, they had that relationship from his birth.

But that would make him a half brother, like OPs older siblings are also half siblings to the groom. OP says she and groom are not actually related , hence my confusion.

The two older siblings have a half sister via their mum (OP) and a half brother via their dad (the groom) but OP and the groom aren’t related to each other.

Or, think of it the other way - OPs mum used to be married to the grooms dad. They divorced each other, got with new partners, and had OP and the groom.

They definitely aren’t related. OP said she feels like he is her brother because he was there five days a week for childcare purposes, but they’re not related.

i disagree that it's not personal. Weddings are when you learn your place in the hierarchy of importance to the bride or groom - that is pretty personal!
I don't get why people can't follow this - she and little brother are not blood relations but they do have older half brothers in common. OP's mum used to be married to little brother's dad, they had 2 kids, split up and then mum had OP and exh had little brother.

I sometimes don't understand the fuss and feeling insulted over evening only invites but in your situation OP I really don't blame you.
I think it is hurtful what your little brother has done.

Don't go if you don't want to, I wouldn't blame you.
I think you definitely should decline now though and not just pull a sickie in the morning, that would be out of order.

It doesn’t make him a half brother.
They don’t have a parent in common.

OP’s mother was once married to groom’s father, before OP and the groom were born from later relationships.

They were raised together however, as OP’s mum was also groom’s childminder.
They also have older half-siblings in common.

The OP is the child of her mother’s second marriage. The groom is the child of her mother’s ex and the woman he married after the split. The OP and the groom do not share a parent and are not related in any way.

But only on Mn do people seem to get their knickers in a twist about featuring lower down on someone else’s personal hierarchy than they would place them on theirs. It would be nice if the person you considered no 4 on your family hierarchy also considered you number 4, but pretty unlikely to happen all the time. The OP is quite possibly less important to this person that he is to her. She refers to him as ‘little brother’, but it may be a complete surprise to him that she thinks of him this way, even if they broadly get on well. Itt’s a comp,icated extended family, and sounds more ‘cousinish’ in a nice way to me. They don’t see one another often. The OP thinks this is because they have young kids, but it’s also possible that this isn’t the case — he just sees other family members he’s closer to. Or he sees blood as more important than she does? Which, sure, may make the OP think again about their relationship, and prioritise seeing him more if he’s really important to her.

You weren’t invited so you don’t have to go.

the evening bit is my least favorite part of a wedding day. I would never bother just for that. I especially wouldn’t bother in this scenario.

Why not go out with niece and say it’s going to be too much of a both with small children to come in the evening and just send a small gift. Any hassle just push back and say baby was screaming due to teething and did not want to be put down.

The older I get the less inclined I am to do things to keep the peace. I have only twice been invited to an evening do of a wedding and both times work colleagues.

@ScallopShelledit's sad to have that realisation of not being as important to someone you love, as they are to you. Having learnt this though, the OP shouldn't twist herself into knots to attend a 'wedding' or worry about keeping the peace. She should match his energy and focus on the people who really do view her as family.

@Sausagefeatures I think you really need to talk to your "little bother". He might have been swayed by the bride because technically you're not related. What's happened is very hurtful and if you can you should let him know, he might not have realised how you’d take the lack of invite.

Yes OP that is really hurtful, he is your little brother regardless of bloodlines. You will be closer to him than your older half siblings.

I have half siblings and so on and I have never been invited to any of their occasions but we were not brought up together.

id be too hurt to go, I would only go if your mum wanted you to go with her. Like your mum i suffer with agoraphobia so if she had someone to attend with she might manage it.

But the hen party is for the bride’s family and friends — why would she invite you, unless you’re separately also friends with her, aside from your relationship to the groom?

The irony is that you’re sitting and wondering what to do not to upset them BUT they clearly didn’t spend a second thinking about your feelings. A very publicly humiliating thing to do op. I would definitely not go. Stand up for yourself here - don’t accept being treated so badly. You don’t need to make a big deal, just decline. Be uncontactable if you want but you really don’t need to explain yourself. They clearly didn’t!

Often the hen party is bride’s family and friends only. Unless you’re close to the bride I wouldn’t have necessarily expected an invitation.