Topics of conversation to get through boring evening with DHs colleagues wives

I just go with 'what have you been up to?' then let them elaborate on that and it turns into a conversation.

If any have kids 'how are the kids?'
If not then 'Hows the dog/cat/garden?'
'Been anywhere nice/are you going on holiday?'

I quite like small talk and don't really find it challenging at all. But I know some people hate it.

You make it sound like they're all really boring but that simply can't be the case. Everyone has something about them of vague interest.

Yes, this. My husband had a number of friends who had wives I had absolutely nothing in common with. Many years ago I used to suffer these evenings with these women talking about love island or east Enders but now I just opt out

No, that doesn’t work for me.

I don’t think I ever expect my husband to accompany me to an event and expect him to make small talk with friends husbands he doesn’t like. But he’s far more socially adept than me so would be better at it!

I sympathise, OP - I hate social chit chat, especially when it's all female. It's why I always avoided these kind of evenings linked to my husband's profession (I know that doesn't help you!). I just wonder why you are separated out into male and female groups? If there are 3 couples, why can't you all just sit around a table and chat together? Let's face it, we're not in the 1950s anymore.

I would love to meet someone working in AI!

How do you feel about the job losses it’s causing and the funnelling of wealth into a very few pockets?
What about the energy and water usage?
What happens when people stop producing information and content for AI to scrape - because what’s the point - and AI has to start cannibalising itself?

Ok these are a little controversial and perhaps misinformed (chance for you to educate?) but it’s not small talk …

I do actually find the way to get through these things is to have another glass of wine and get a little bit controversial. Just a little bit. Not as much as the husbands’ penises convo suggested above.

You can always start with the classic: been up to anything exciting recently/got any exciting things coming up?

Then people tend to share things they enjoyed - whether it's a holiday destination, a sporting or creative or work achievement, or just what they thought of The Odyssey.

Things I've discussed with colleagues this week:

Wild swimming
The Odyssey
Jason Arday scandal
Book recommendations
Theatre recommendations
Holidays to Japan and Sri Lanka (I love getting tips on travel highlights)
House moves
Retirement

I quite like chatting to people who have different interests to mine (for short periods, anyway.) I'd love chatting about gardens, retro renovations, dressing up (that especially) and AI design and development.

The trick @Wallywobbles is to make sure that you're asking them open, rather than closed, questions. So for example, with the child-free, retired, gardening woman:

Open: How is the drought affecting your garden?
Requires her to give you a reply - e.g. "it's quite challenging, but I'm lucky that we have a water butt, so I've been able to keep watering without having to use the hosepipe." And then you can ask more about, for example, are there any plants that are particularly suffering? Or, how are you faring on your allotment (assuming that she has one!). Which should get more of a conversation going.

Whereas if you ask a closed question:

Closed: I expect that the drought must be affecting your garden?
Only requires her to say 'not really' or 'yes it's really bad' - which then requires you do to more work to get to say more. It's one-sided, rather than a conversation.

Take a card game or something like that - then you are playing rather than talking/not talking?

Ask them if they are MNetters.

Seriously, what BIWI said. Also, share some things you have done and loved lately: film, book, theatre, meet-up with family, holiday, etc., get them flowing.

"On my run last week, I noticed how early the blackberries are, is there anything you have noticed lately?".

To be honest, I let them talk about themsleves ar these sorts of occasions. "Oh, how lovely, do tell me more".

As an ex-qualitative researcher, this was my stock in trade! Follow up anything they say with questions like 'that's interesting, why do you think that/why did you do that/why did you go there?'

Obviously you have to be interested or be able to feign interest very well!

I’m not clear exactly what kind of event this is?

Are you meeting in someone’s home? In a restaurant? How do the men and women end up separated?

And if the men always separate off, and none of the women appear to enjoy it. why don’t the men just meet without their wives? It’s all quite odd!

Why do the wives all get left together while the men go off? It sounds like the nineteenth century. Surely these male colleagues see each other all the time, so the evening should be about socialising as couples?

Meet them with the same conversation energy they bring.

If they want to do small talk, they will. If both or them can't/won't then bring on the crickets.

Social conversation cannot be carried by one person.

You might have worked out that I'm fed up with being the social mule at team dinners etc.

Talk. Don't talk. But don't expect me to wring myself dry trying to keep a conversation going that the other person has no interest in.

You sound like you're thinking "what can I talk about but what you need to be thinking is "what can I ask about"?

You'll know the dynamic but i would also prep a closdown answer + divertin question in response to "AI is ruining everything humans fo /AI is exaceelrbating the climate crisis" if you dont want to get into that (or know that getting into that will not bring out the right version of you for this evening).

Yes, absolutely.

Though sometimes the social lives described on here seem pretty 19thc to me, it must be said. Either 'girls' nights' or 'couples' nights' only, or people only inviting couples to things, or their friends constituting solely the wives and girlfriends of their husband's friendship group. And going for a drink or to the cinema with a male friend is date territory'.

Good for you for trying to think of some ways to make it easier. I think you've got a hard time on the first page of this thread (then some more helpful answers after that). I'm like you that I can manage decent small talk in most situations with most people but sometimes the people you're chatting to can make it very difficult! I'm sure they're grateful you're there trying to keep the conversation going. There are some fascinating TED talks on holding good conversations - you could have a look for tips but also just so analysing the conversation you're having with these wives might keep you stimulated for a tiny bit longer over a boring evening!

Op has said these women don’t want to talk either. So why should she tie herself in knots trying to make them speak to her? I guess it’s been many occasions like this, why keep trying?

Unless I’m being paid to talk to people at work I’ve stopped making conversation with people who won’t speak to me. I’m a very good conversationalist and an excellent listener but it’s utterly draining basically performing being a social butterfly for people who won’t even bother to ask you how you are but then are benefitting from all your energy and effort all evening. Fuck them and fuck these husbands who can’t seem to sort out a dinner without needing their wives there.

What happens if you don't try to start a conversation? Do the other two just sit there twiddling their thumbs and staring into the middle distance?

Advice from Mr Cholmondely-Warner:
Don’t talk about the Gold Standard; do talk about kittens.
( for those who remember The Fast Show)

'Are you hoping to see the partial eclipse on Wednesday - were you around for the last one in 1999'?
The weather, of course!
Will you be watching Strictly/The Traitors/any other recurring show this autumn?
M&S clothes!

Yeh people like talking about themselves.

Have they seen xx film//TV show? The Odyssey is a good shout, or ER on Netflix, or what have they seen that they enjoyed?

Yes ask about their interests - renovations, dressing up and gardening – lots to cover there surely. How are they managing with the garden rn with the weather?

Why would you talk about work? My work is fairly easy to explain but I certainly don't want to talk about it and I doubt anyone would be interested.

If someone wanted me to chat on, they could ask me about the athletics I have seen this summer, or the plays at the RSC. What would work for you @Wallywobbles? So think what that might be for them.

<reads thread> loads of good ideas on here already

Yes. I’ve just done that with my mother. Got her on a topic well asked her about it and she’s off and I can just switch off nod and smile. She can’t do conversation though, she can ask the odd question but doesn’t wait for a reply so it’s a good way to get through it.

Do you not grow anything? Have you never tried? Are there nice estates around where people can visit the garden? Might you take a friend to one if they like gardens? Ask her about her garden, surely that sets her off?
I cannot believe they don’t take any holidays for you to ask about. 50s renovations are interesting - ask if there’s less stock as time goes by, how you know there’s no chance for recovering a property that’s been updated cheaply to modern, does it need some features to be worth it… mind you I’d love to talK about AI too, you’re all older from the sounds of it- ask if they think ai robots will be the aged care of the future and say thoughtfully if it meant I could stay in my home I might welcome one in!!

Exactly, this is a certain kind of conversation a buisiness meeting really. You don’t give personal stuff away that the women will tell the husbands.

Holy cow they do not! We do not have that conversation with random groups of women?