SIL doesn't want kids

I knew a couple in this situation. They got together at 16 and finally married at 30. He didn't want kids - she did and thought he would change his mind. He didn't and they divorced five years later, mainly for this reason. He still doesn't have kids, whereas she remarried and they adopted two children together.

I would never marry someone if we weren't on the same page on this. Far too risky. But it's riskier for a woman who wants kids than a man who does. I don't know why the woman I mentioned became a parent through adoption, but I wonder if it was too late for her to have biological children of her own.

I dont think i wanted kids at 28 but then again, I wasn’t married.

i changed my mind later on (when fertility started to fade)

I married my first husband a month after he told me he didn’t want kids. I simultaneously thought I loved him enough for it not to matter and thought he would discover that he wanted kids because it was so foundational to me that I genuinely couldn’t imagine not wanting them.

He didnt change his mind and we split up. It took some time for me to understand that not wanting kids can be permanent. People do change their minds, all the time, but marrying someone hoping or expecting that they don’t really understand their own feelings is a recipe for divorce.

Maybe they can’t have kids? Maybe she is trying to avoid questions about when? Either way if you don’t ask no issue.

People do change ther minds but not always. I never did.

Best keep out of it, it's for them as a couple to work out between them.

I’ve known I didn’t want kids since I was a child, and have never changed my mind. I’m 42 now.

Why didn’t they discuss this sooner?

Both of my 2 DS's have told me they won't be having DC. I'm just lucky my DD gave me 2 gorgeous DGC. Not everyone wants or can afford to have DC.

They were silly marrying without nailing this down.

Whether she changes her mind or not, she is in no way the problem. She does not owe her husband a child she doesn't want.

As far as changing your mind goes, yes, it happens. I was adamant I didn't want kids until I was in my late 30's. And I mean determined.

What I would say though is that what changed my mind was meeting the right person and settling down. Either nesting OR evolution in the form of 'continuation of the species' hormones got me.

She has already nested. It's up to him whether he wants to stick around to see if the hormones get her.

I didn't feel any wave of love to children at 28 and i certainly wasn't drawn to random children because why would you unless they were your own. I don't feel like that now and I've had 3 😂

I'm 56 now and my were all very much wanted although if humans were fertile for longer I probably would have had them later than my 30s because like most women I'm not a stereotypical earth mother type.

I think in an ideal world everyone would be very honest and upfront about this but even then I can see how there's still the potential to change your mind.

I didn't want kids at all. Then I met my now DH at 34 and changed my mind 😅 now have 1DS. They really should have spoken about this before getting married because it will end up with resentment from one of them

I’m 52, never wanted any & still don’t. Any form of maternal / protective instinct I have is focused on my cat.

I thought I wanted kids when I got married, I think I wanted them because that's what you do "get married and have kids". We had other issues so ended up divorced but I reflect now and realise I never had any desire for kids, not the way my friends did. I just didn't recognise it when I was younger.

I married in haste in my mid 20s. I was very clear in telling my DH that I never wanted children. Turned out he wanted children and thought he could persuade me. We divorced (amicably) 2 years later having both admitted we made a mistake. I have never swerved from my unselfish decision not to clutter the planet with extra life forms who contribute nothing to the community until they reach adulthood and maybe not even then if the fail to launch as a contributing tax payer.

The idea of kids didn’t strike me until my 40s. Most of my friends had theirs ten years, if not more, before me. I have one child now.

My sister has always said that she doesn't want children and everyone told her she'd change her mind one day. Well she's 40 now and very happy being child-free. However, her partner of 14 years, or whatever it has been now, feels the same.

If bil still wants in future he can divorce and get someone who does.
She is young so time to decide or not.
Leave it to them

I changed my mind. If you'd asked me at age 28 I would of said a hard no.

Even as a younger person I never felt drawn to children and I didn't feel maternal at all. When I started dating the guy who eventually became my husband - we were both of the same mind that we wouldn't have kids.

Much much later I guess maternal clock started ticking... it was initially my husbands idea to have children - but by then I was more open to the idea anyway - and we then decided we'd try. For me it was literally like a switch had flicked inside me and I then wanted to be pregnant - like immediately! LOL

We ended up with two kids by the time I was 36.

I'm childfree, in my forties now and literally nothing at all about gestating, birthing or raising a person every held any appeal. Not once have I thought 'Y'know what would make this better? A kid.'

Anyone questioning me about it gets short shrift. It's the biggest lifestyle choice you can choose, so a bit weird to enter a marriage wanting a diametrically opposed life to the spouse.

The one thing you can't compromise on. Sure if he wanted one and she wanted three, they could compromise on two. But a yes/no? It is true many women (and men) change their minds, but a lot don't, so they really should get counselling on this.

I don't like other peoples kids. don't even like my nephews

I'm 38 and do not want kids - I've never wanted them. I wouldn't mind teenaged kids or grown up adult children, but absolutely no way I'd be willing to go through the first 13 years of younger kids stage to get there.

I was waiting for the thunderbolt to hit as people told me I'd reach a certain age and change my mind - but it never has. I'm fine with it.

No, why did you ask her, during her wedding, how many children she wanted? And then another conversation about having children happened again since, and the wedding was only recently?

You sound terribly invested in what she does with her ovaries.