SIL doesn't want kids

If bil still wants in future he can divorce and get someone who does.
She is young so time to decide or not.
Leave it to them

My sister has always said that she doesn't want children and everyone told her she'd change her mind one day. Well she's 40 now and very happy being child-free. However, her partner of 14 years, or whatever it has been now, feels the same.

The idea of kids didn’t strike me until my 40s. Most of my friends had theirs ten years, if not more, before me. I have one child now.

I married in haste in my mid 20s. I was very clear in telling my DH that I never wanted children. Turned out he wanted children and thought he could persuade me. We divorced (amicably) 2 years later having both admitted we made a mistake. I have never swerved from my unselfish decision not to clutter the planet with extra life forms who contribute nothing to the community until they reach adulthood and maybe not even then if the fail to launch as a contributing tax payer.

I thought I wanted kids when I got married, I think I wanted them because that's what you do "get married and have kids". We had other issues so ended up divorced but I reflect now and realise I never had any desire for kids, not the way my friends did. I just didn't recognise it when I was younger.

I’m 52, never wanted any & still don’t. Any form of maternal / protective instinct I have is focused on my cat.

I didn't want kids at all. Then I met my now DH at 34 and changed my mind 😅 now have 1DS. They really should have spoken about this before getting married because it will end up with resentment from one of them

I think in an ideal world everyone would be very honest and upfront about this but even then I can see how there's still the potential to change your mind.

I didn't feel any wave of love to children at 28 and i certainly wasn't drawn to random children because why would you unless they were your own. I don't feel like that now and I've had 3 😂

I'm 56 now and my were all very much wanted although if humans were fertile for longer I probably would have had them later than my 30s because like most women I'm not a stereotypical earth mother type.

They were silly marrying without nailing this down.

Whether she changes her mind or not, she is in no way the problem. She does not owe her husband a child she doesn't want.

As far as changing your mind goes, yes, it happens. I was adamant I didn't want kids until I was in my late 30's. And I mean determined.

What I would say though is that what changed my mind was meeting the right person and settling down. Either nesting OR evolution in the form of 'continuation of the species' hormones got me.

She has already nested. It's up to him whether he wants to stick around to see if the hormones get her.

Both of my 2 DS's have told me they won't be having DC. I'm just lucky my DD gave me 2 gorgeous DGC. Not everyone wants or can afford to have DC.

I’ve known I didn’t want kids since I was a child, and have never changed my mind. I’m 42 now.

Why didn’t they discuss this sooner?

People do change ther minds but not always. I never did.

Best keep out of it, it's for them as a couple to work out between them.

Maybe they can’t have kids? Maybe she is trying to avoid questions about when? Either way if you don’t ask no issue.

I married my first husband a month after he told me he didn’t want kids. I simultaneously thought I loved him enough for it not to matter and thought he would discover that he wanted kids because it was so foundational to me that I genuinely couldn’t imagine not wanting them.

He didnt change his mind and we split up. It took some time for me to understand that not wanting kids can be permanent. People do change their minds, all the time, but marrying someone hoping or expecting that they don’t really understand their own feelings is a recipe for divorce.

I dont think i wanted kids at 28 but then again, I wasn’t married.

i changed my mind later on (when fertility started to fade)

I knew a couple in this situation. They got together at 16 and finally married at 30. He didn't want kids - she did and thought he would change his mind. He didn't and they divorced five years later, mainly for this reason. He still doesn't have kids, whereas she remarried and they adopted two children together.

I would never marry someone if we weren't on the same page on this. Far too risky. But it's riskier for a woman who wants kids than a man who does. I don't know why the woman I mentioned became a parent through adoption, but I wonder if it was too late for her to have biological children of her own.

Weird question to ask someone on their wedding day. If people are going on at her about it, I can see how it's easier to just say she's not having kids, just to shut everyone up.

So she wanted a marriage and thought she could just pretend to want them until afterwards 🤷‍♀️ sounds like a bit of a dick, taking your BILs choices away from him

Yes i changed my mind. Never felt the mothering instinct or any biological urge, but eventually decided I would like to have one.

OP I get that you are asking a question for discussion, not because you are involving yourself.
So up until 30 I did not want children, had zero interest in them, was too busy having a lovely life with my dp.
Then we kinda decided to get married, bought our reno house and got on with life.

For some inexplicable reason I decided that it wasn’t a deplorable idea to maybe try to see what happens if we don’t not try.
Anyway, we couldn’t which changed the situation completely. I’d come round to the idea as well.

Better response than mind your own fucking business I suppose