Page 4 | Support needed for vulnerable 17-year-old possibly trying to get pregnant

llost · 2026-07-24T10:45:06+00:00

I’m feeling desperate and don’t know what else to do. I suspect my 17-year-old daughter is trying to get pregnant. Over the past few days I’ve found at least 12 pregnancy tests. Every time I ask her about them, she insists they aren’t hers but I don’t believe that. She has significant mental health difficulties and has become very involved with her boyfriend over the last couple of months. She’s written letters and “manifestations” saying that he will be her husband. He’s only 16. Realistically, I can’t see him being ready for marriage or parenthood and I’m terrified that she’s making decisions based on fantasy rather than reality. I’ve raised my concerns with both her social worker and CAMHS. They both keep telling me that it’s her choice. I understand that she has rights and that I can’t control her but it feels like nobody is acknowledging the context of her mental health or how vulnerable she is.

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 24/07/2026 21:41

Agree with the poster who said OP has the patience of a saint. You need to look after yourself (easier said than done of course)

TheSquareMile · 24/07/2026 21:40

@llost

OP, is she actually living with his family and not at home with you?

Itsalittlebitwarm · 24/07/2026 21:37

starballoons · 24/07/2026 11:46

Do you have contact details for his parents? I would get in touch with them and let them know so they can warn their son. If he doesn’t want to be a father then it’s best that they don’t have sex because she’s probably saying that she’s on birth control to him unless he’s in on it!

This!

suburburban · 24/07/2026 21:34

DoloresDelEriba · 24/07/2026 18:48

I was going to say this. ‘Insist’ on implant. I realise that might be hard. But I think it’s necessary.

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Yes I think so too

Herbertniko · 24/07/2026 21:22

friedaklein · 24/07/2026 21:16

So many posters on here have been left holding the baby, while their teens are told by CAMHS they can do whatever they please.

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They chose to do so though, I got pregnant on purpose at 15 (I’m still quite young so this wasn’t ages ago don’t think the law/world has changed too much) as soon as I turned 16 (while pregnant) my mother kicked me out.
Grandma dosent have to be left “holding the baby” as they say if she doesn't want to. I do know someone raising their grandchild though and good for them but if someone is inclined they could have ten children and are you going to raise them all?

Besidemyselfwithworry · 24/07/2026 21:18

PropertyD · 24/07/2026 12:12

I would be putting the fear of god into her. State it wont be you doing childcare.

You are not going to help and support this terrible decision. Ask her where she will live.

This!!!!
have you got a friend with a crying teething baby that can come round and cry for hours on end!!!!

friedaklein · 24/07/2026 21:16

Surelythistime · 24/07/2026 21:08

No one can force you to look after a baby you don’t want to look after surely OP if it does come to that?

So many posters on here have been left holding the baby, while their teens are told by CAMHS they can do whatever they please.

Surelythistime · 24/07/2026 21:08

No one can force you to look after a baby you don’t want to look after surely OP if it does come to that?

friedaklein · 24/07/2026 21:00

KatherineParr · 24/07/2026 20:55

Honestly OP I agree with Thebigarsedbitch. Your daughter is over 16, she's moved out, she's got capacity. You don't seem to have any leverage or control over her (not a criticism, she isn't in a place to listen to reason). I don't know what else you can do. Your physical and mental health is important. You matter too.

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I would do this too at this stage. Get DH on board somehow. Put your burden down.
Easier said than done, I know.
I am sorry if I made any insensitive comments earlier. I can see that you are in a very tough place.
You matter.

KatherineParr · 24/07/2026 20:55

llost · 24/07/2026 20:39

Thank you.

I am tempted to do this just to try and make her realise. DH wouldn’t agree though.

Dealing with her for years has made me physically and emotionally ill. I have tried to be so supportive and fought to get the services involved. Things just get worse.

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Honestly OP I agree with Thebigarsedbitch. Your daughter is over 16, she's moved out, she's got capacity. You don't seem to have any leverage or control over her (not a criticism, she isn't in a place to listen to reason). I don't know what else you can do. Your physical and mental health is important. You matter too.

Twodogsisbetterthanone · 24/07/2026 20:49

KatherineParr · 24/07/2026 13:44

There's something off with this. I don't know anyone who would see someone with unbrushed teeth and matted hair and would think they're a good choice for a partner.

OP I genuinely don't see what more you or anyone else can do. It's a very difficult situation.

We have a person just like this in our family, she’s out of control, needs serious mental health help but won’t engage as she actively likes being ill/difficult/violent, she’s filthy, and so is her boyfriend. It happens more than you think.

Herbertniko · 24/07/2026 20:41

llost · 24/07/2026 20:34

She denies she drinks. CAMHS told me she is drinking heavily. I can’t make her look up anything. I can’t get her to do anything.

She denies being sexually active. Then refuses to talk at all.

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I don’t know what to say I don’t think there’s anything you can do about this situation especially as in a few months she’ll be 18. All I can say is pretend to be supportive of the pregnancy and then use it to convince her to drink less? Obviously it’s not a good idea her getting pregnant but if there’s nothing you can do about it anyway you might have to pick your battles

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 20:39

Thebigarsedbitch · 24/07/2026 16:54

My God OP, you have the patience of a saint - I don't know how you do it, I really don't - I'm so very sorry that you are in this situation - it must be so hard.

In your position, I'd pack up all your daughter's belongings and deliver them to the boyfriend's house and inform his mother, through the letterbox if need be, that you now regard it as your daughter's main residence. I'd tell your daughter not to bother coming home again and firmly tell the CAHMs team, the school and your daughter's health care professionals that you are now washing your hands of her and, as she is 17, that they can take full responsibility for whatever happens next.

I'd then go on a lovely holiday with my DH, preferably to somewhere that I couldn't be contacted and stay away for as long as I could afford. You have done everything you possibly can with zero help from the people who are trained and paid to treat and support those with mental health issues. You must now prioritize your own sanity and physical health. Some burdens are just too heavy to carry, but when you finally put them down, someone else will pick them up. But sadly, you have to go nuclear before the NHS and other agencies start doing their jobs. Good luck and big hugs.

Thank you.

I am tempted to do this just to try and make her realise. DH wouldn’t agree though.

Dealing with her for years has made me physically and emotionally ill. I have tried to be so supportive and fought to get the services involved. Things just get worse.

OP posts:

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 20:34

Herbertniko · 24/07/2026 20:19

You really need to make her look up FAS, get her to stop drinking even if it means leaning into the pregnancy stuff “if you want a baby you really need to stop drinking”.

One mum who got pregnant at 15 on purpose to a mother of a 17 year old trying to get pregnant I would have done anything for my baby not eating American sweets because they’ve got chemicals in them for example. If she’s as obsessed with having a baby as I was then she’s probably the same.

You may have to accept there’s nothing you can do to stop her having a baby but focus on educating her about alcohol and FAS

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She denies she drinks. CAMHS told me she is drinking heavily. I can’t make her look up anything. I can’t get her to do anything.

She denies being sexually active. Then refuses to talk at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 20:31

Surelythistime · 24/07/2026 20:01

I feel pregnant as an ND teen. I didn’t know I was ND at the time. I’m trying to think what could have stopped me. Feeling like there was another option maybe? Feeling loved?

Does your DD know there are so many options out there for her? Travelling abroad? Uni? Apprenticeship?

I’ve talked about the options. We have offered to pay for uni. She doesn’t care and school said she didn’t turn up to the careers talks.

OP posts:

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 20:29

Herbertniko · 24/07/2026 19:33

Oh yeah shit I didn’t read all the updates. You need to tell her about FAS and how difficult it is to raise a child with FAS.

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She denies she is sexually active so won’t listen to anything.

OP posts:

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 20:29

Herbertniko · 24/07/2026 19:30

I got pregnant on purpose at 15 and my mother certainly wasn’t left holding the baby, she kicked me out once I turned 16 (had my birthday while pregnant). Good for the op for noticing the signs because it came as an absolute shock to my parents.

Ive turned out ok considering and I actually am still with the dad! Although I never had mental health problems or was vulnerable.
Not that I’m saying it’s a good idea to get pregnant under 18 but if it does happen just know it may not necessarily be the end of the world

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Great that it worked out for you but DD has had mental health problems for years, is alcohol dependent, on psychiatric medication and suicidal.

OP posts:

Crumpetring · 24/07/2026 20:25

Surelythistime · 24/07/2026 20:01

I feel pregnant as an ND teen. I didn’t know I was ND at the time. I’m trying to think what could have stopped me. Feeling like there was another option maybe? Feeling loved?

Does your DD know there are so many options out there for her? Travelling abroad? Uni? Apprenticeship?

Get her a dog? Or a cat?

Herbertniko · 24/07/2026 20:19

llost · 24/07/2026 18:56

I want them to stop telling her relationships are a positive thing for her and she is free to make any choices she wants. She is alcohol dependent and they said it is fine to drink. I want the focus to be on the consequences of her choices and the impact they could make on her life.

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You really need to make her look up FAS, get her to stop drinking even if it means leaning into the pregnancy stuff “if you want a baby you really need to stop drinking”.

One mum who got pregnant at 15 on purpose to a mother of a 17 year old trying to get pregnant I would have done anything for my baby not eating American sweets because they’ve got chemicals in them for example. If she’s as obsessed with having a baby as I was then she’s probably the same.

You may have to accept there’s nothing you can do to stop her having a baby but focus on educating her about alcohol and FAS

Surelythistime · 24/07/2026 20:01

I feel pregnant as an ND teen. I didn’t know I was ND at the time. I’m trying to think what could have stopped me. Feeling like there was another option maybe? Feeling loved?

Does your DD know there are so many options out there for her? Travelling abroad? Uni? Apprenticeship?

Herbertniko · 24/07/2026 19:33

llost · 24/07/2026 18:56

I want them to stop telling her relationships are a positive thing for her and she is free to make any choices she wants. She is alcohol dependent and they said it is fine to drink. I want the focus to be on the consequences of her choices and the impact they could make on her life.

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Oh yeah shit I didn’t read all the updates. You need to tell her about FAS and how difficult it is to raise a child with FAS.

Herbertniko · 24/07/2026 19:30

PollyBell · 24/07/2026 12:09

It is easy for them saying its her choice you will be the one stuck with the baby i presume

I got pregnant on purpose at 15 and my mother certainly wasn’t left holding the baby, she kicked me out once I turned 16 (had my birthday while pregnant). Good for the op for noticing the signs because it came as an absolute shock to my parents.

Ive turned out ok considering and I actually am still with the dad! Although I never had mental health problems or was vulnerable.
Not that I’m saying it’s a good idea to get pregnant under 18 but if it does happen just know it may not necessarily be the end of the world

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 18:56

likelysuspect · 24/07/2026 18:48

What do you want CAMHS and the SW to actually do?

You can acknowledge someones MH and vulnerability til the cows come home, it doesnt change that its her choice

Unless she needs to be subject to MHA assessment and then detained due to her MH, it is her choice.

Its dreadful and frightening for you but telling someone not to get pregnant is all you can do.

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I want them to stop telling her relationships are a positive thing for her and she is free to make any choices she wants. She is alcohol dependent and they said it is fine to drink. I want the focus to be on the consequences of her choices and the impact they could make on her life.

OP posts:

Original poster

llost · 24/07/2026 18:51

DoloresDelEriba · 24/07/2026 18:48

I was going to say this. ‘Insist’ on implant. I realise that might be hard. But I think it’s necessary.

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I stopped being able to insist on anything many years ago.

OP posts:

likelysuspect · 24/07/2026 18:50

Jollyhockeystickss · 24/07/2026 17:25

The best thing would be the implant in her arm, yes speak to the boys parents, i would say to her that if she gets pregnant she cant live with you she will have to leave immediately get a job and live in a hostel, i also wouldnt allow the boy in.your house,.and i would also say that if she gets pregnant shes on her own, she probably thinks getting pregnant means he will stay with her and she will be given a lovely home, i think you need to be brutal with her and put the fear of god into her,.

Even if you get them to agree, later they try to dig it out.