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Original poster

AIBU to think there may be dangers in this?

111 replies

allthingsinmoderation · 23/07/2026 18:25

To think there are dangers in this?
My son aged 20 yrs just asked my opinion and his sisters aged 23 yrs opinion of this issue, opinions appreciated.
My son is on an online dating app, he has recently come out of a long term relationship of 2 yrs and wanted more casual encounters . Hes honest about that.
He generally is attracted to slightly older women so didnt give a very young age bracket. He matched with a woman aged 42 yrs . They messaged a bit and seemed to get on ,then arranged to meet. She then said she was married and her husband agreed to an open marriage. Thats when things got a bit unusual. She said her husband had selected my sons profile for her and that she wanted to meet at her home for sex and it would be videod and later her husband would like to sit in and watch.
My son is not keen and wonders if there are dangers in this.
My DD says he should run for the hills as this video will end up on only fans or hell be blackmailed...
Is she right?

OP posts:
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IHaveQuestionsLotsOfQuestions · 25/07/2026 11:17

allthingsinmoderation · 25/07/2026 07:11

People are different,some ask the opinions of those they trust ,others prefer not to .
He didnt ask wether he should do this or not,he asked if we thought there were dangers in this .
We said yes ,on multiple levels and we discussed those dangers.
He made his own decision about this matter.

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Yes, people certainly are different.

Original poster
allthingsinmoderation · 25/07/2026 09:24

ChalkOutlines · 25/07/2026 08:37

If he can’t see the dangers himself and he had to his sister and his mother, he’s not mature enough for internet hookups, or sex in general.

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He did see dangers, he wanted the opinions of people he trusted.
I don't think asking for the opinions of people you trust means you are not mature ...

OP posts:
OtterlyAstounding · 25/07/2026 08:39

Well, I doubt they're going to lock him in the basement or murder him, so no, there are no serious dangers to this very real, totally genuine situation. If your son, who absolutely exists, is not initially put off by the idea of a middle-aged man wanking over him banging the man's wife, and is only worried about the dangers, then he should go for it as long as his face isn't visible in the video, and he gets a copy.

ChalkOutlines · 25/07/2026 08:37

allthingsinmoderation · 25/07/2026 07:11

People are different,some ask the opinions of those they trust ,others prefer not to .
He didnt ask wether he should do this or not,he asked if we thought there were dangers in this .
We said yes ,on multiple levels and we discussed those dangers.
He made his own decision about this matter.

Show quote history

If he can’t see the dangers himself and he had to his sister and his mother, he’s not mature enough for internet hookups, or sex in general.

OnlyOneAdda · 25/07/2026 08:34

I think this happening so early on is quite a good thing in so much that it presents an opportunity for him to think through and discuss the potential dangers (and great he can do that with you and his sis, I don’t think that’s weird). All of those things and many others could still have happened without them sharing it over message first (in fact them messaging about it first makes them less dangerous than other matches ironically). Online dating / hook ups are the norm now but they do still come with a lot of dangers and so setting some boundaries and thinking through in advance is sensible - first meet somewhere public and neutral, some questions to ask (face to face where can get a read on the person), letting somewhere know where you are and who meeting, etc.

Original poster
allthingsinmoderation · 25/07/2026 08:08

parachutegirl · 25/07/2026 08:05

Jesus Christ, I can’t believe you’re even asking this question.

”Should my son go and take part in a sex tape that could be all over the internet?”

That isnt what i was asking....

OP posts:
parachutegirl · 25/07/2026 08:05

Jesus Christ, I can’t believe you’re even asking this question.

”Should my son go and take part in a sex tape that could be all over the internet?”

Original poster
allthingsinmoderation · 25/07/2026 07:11

IHaveQuestionsLotsOfQuestions · 24/07/2026 19:58

I don't know about the dangers; I'm still trying to wrap my head around a man asking his mother and sister whether he should be filmed having sex with a married woman twice his age while her husband watched?

People are different,some ask the opinions of those they trust ,others prefer not to .
He didnt ask wether he should do this or not,he asked if we thought there were dangers in this .
We said yes ,on multiple levels and we discussed those dangers.
He made his own decision about this matter.

OP posts:
IHaveQuestionsLotsOfQuestions · 24/07/2026 19:58

I don't know about the dangers; I'm still trying to wrap my head around a man asking his mother and sister whether he should be filmed having sex with a married woman twice his age while her husband watched?

FreddysFingers · 24/07/2026 19:37

Tell him not to go, that husband could start anything with him and he could get seriously hurt. Better safe than sorry.

nomas · 24/07/2026 18:52

He generally is attracted to slightly older women so didnt give a very young age bracket. He matched with a woman aged 42 yrs . They messaged a bit and seemed to get on ,then arranged to meet. She then said she was married and her husband agreed to an open marriage. Thats when things got a bit unusual. She said her husband had selected my sons profile for her and that she wanted to meet at her home for sex and it would be videod and later her husband would like to sit in and watch.

There is something very icky about how this is all written.

HollyhocksandPeons · 24/07/2026 18:46

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. NOOOOO!!!! Tell him nooooo!!!!!

Original poster
allthingsinmoderation · 24/07/2026 18:44

Frillysweetpea · 24/07/2026 18:24

It's not about not needing or valuing others opinions; there is obviously a place for that. Almost everyone, whether into kink or not, has said this is not safe. Your son knew it was not safe, you knew it was not safe. I am curious as to why you doubted yourself enough to need others opinions in this instance.

Edited
Show quote history

My op was asking opinions as to wether i was being unreasonable to think there are dangers in this situation. I knew what i thought and i wanted to know the opinions of others and i got them.

OP posts:
Frillysweetpea · 24/07/2026 18:24

allthingsinmoderation · 24/07/2026 16:52

He wasn't keen and has since decided categorically its not for him.
He asked our opinions (he would have made his own decision regardless)which is his prerogative . I was asking others opinions as is my prerogative.
You are entitled not to ask the opinions of others on anything too.

Show quote history

It's not about not needing or valuing others opinions; there is obviously a place for that. Almost everyone, whether into kink or not, has said this is not safe. Your son knew it was not safe, you knew it was not safe. I am curious as to why you doubted yourself enough to need others opinions in this instance.

Valeriekat · 24/07/2026 17:46

LilyMumsnet · 23/07/2026 18:34

Hi folks,

We've already deleted a couple of posts, so can we please keep things civil?

The OP is simply asking for opinions about a situation involving her son. It's fine to disagree or offer a different perspective, but there's no need for personal attacks or rudeness.

If you don't have anything constructive to add, please remember you can hide the thread and move on rather than posting.

You think that this is a genuine post?

WugZilla · 24/07/2026 17:02

I'm really questioning if MN is somewhere I want to be. MNHQs response to this is bizarre

A woman posting about her son having sex with a woman closer to her age, with a camera and her husband watching??

This place is turning into a #pervdreams subreddit.

Glitchymn1 · 24/07/2026 16:58

No it’s fine, what could possibly go wrong. I’d be very worried the DH would be in the room watching and might join in.

InterestedDad37 · 24/07/2026 16:55

Tell him it's all fine, but you will chaperone him and sit downstairs with a cup of tea.

Original poster
allthingsinmoderation · 24/07/2026 16:52

Frillysweetpea · 24/07/2026 14:03

Your son "isn't keen" so why are you even asking? Surely it's obvious there may be dangers and that it's generally a good idea to follow your instincts in such cases. Don't get this post at all.

He wasn't keen and has since decided categorically its not for him.
He asked our opinions (he would have made his own decision regardless)which is his prerogative . I was asking others opinions as is my prerogative.
You are entitled not to ask the opinions of others on anything too.

OP posts:
PrettyLittleRose · 24/07/2026 15:21

@allthingsinmoderation

Oh for goodness sake. 🙄 You KNOW this is ridiculous. Anyone who agreed to do this would have to have rocks in their head. The pair involved sound like perverts.

Catarinabella · 24/07/2026 15:19

Just love the school holidays

Frazzled89 · 24/07/2026 14:34

kshaw · 24/07/2026 12:15

The husband has a fetish and she won't be as happy about it. Tell them to go on a specialised site.

How do you know she won't be as happy as him about it?

TonTonMacoute · 24/07/2026 14:10

He’s not keen decision made, surely?

There will be other opportunities for ONSs put there

Frillysweetpea · 24/07/2026 14:03

Your son "isn't keen" so why are you even asking? Surely it's obvious there may be dangers and that it's generally a good idea to follow your instincts in such cases. Don't get this post at all.

Bonkers1966 · 24/07/2026 12:34

OP, it's great that your son feels safe speaking to you about this. In his heart he probably knows it's a potential disaster waiting to happen. He is probably just looking for validation here. As a mother sitting in Belfast, I hope he does not go through with this. Hope you are ok.