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Is choosing not to have children really still seen as unusual?

77 replies

PinkIguana · 21/07/2026 20:51

I am 40, married since I was 28, and we made the decision not to have children several years ago.

I am facing having a cancer risk-reducing hysterectomy in the next year or so and have had appointments with three various HCPs to discuss it. All three have asked whether I have children, whether I am planning on having them, and two out of the three have seemed very surprised when I answered no to both questions. The first consultant I saw reiterated three times about loss of fertility after a hysterectomy despite me saying it wasn'ta consideration each time, and the second said 'what, never?!' In disbelief.

I understand that they need to be sure that I don't want children before an irreversible operation (although at 40 years old I think my chances of conceiving are fairly low anyway) but it's the way both of them seemed completely taken aback by my answers, and made me feel like there's something wrong with me for not wanting children. I also told a friend about the hysterectomy and she had a similar reaction.

Is it really so strange, in 2026, to not want children? Genuinely curious!

OP posts:
hattie43 · 24/07/2026 06:15

In my social group of 6 two of us don’t have kids because we never wanted them . I certainly would be thinking hard about having children in today’s world . Right now I can’t see the country has a lot to offer them and with ever more wars on the horizon I’m just not sure …..

TallagallaPenguin · 24/07/2026 08:50

The percentage of women without children by end of childbearing years has been pretty constant for over 15 years now, around 20%. It’s been between 20 and 10% for about 100 years. There’s also been a definite trend for having children later so maybe that’s why they were asking too.

Essentially, not especially unusual but def more common to want children, esp considering a chunk of the women without children would have wanted them too. But while I think it’s v sensible they checked carefully, it would have been better for them to be more measured about it - 10-20% is not insignificant!

Is choosing not to have children really still seen as unusual?
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