Is choosing not to have children really still seen as unusual?

@JenniferBoothDidn't mean you got it though! Private rented was what most people had to do.

As the birth rate was still pretty heathy back then, people could afford dc. Now many look at the costs and shudder! They feel their living standards would plummet and don’t want that. Others rely on parents for childcare but when that’s not available the costs are very high. It’s clearly causing problems.

Yes the state pension age has gone up and is about to go up again to 68 so grandparents just arent available as they have to keep working. A 68 year old wont be up to running around after a toddler. Meanwhile ppl scratch their heads about why there arent as many jobs around for young people and cant see the correlation.

I'm in my 60s, married for 30+ years, and childfree by choice. I have a BIL and his wife who are the same. Otherwise, all our friends had kids. To be fair none of my good friends have ever questioned it, but I have had incredibly rude older relatives /casual acquaintances / complete strangers who have questioned our choice and been judgemental to boot. (Although, interestingly, my husband says nobody has ever asked him why he is childfree).
I'm just glad that younger women are growing up in a more tolerant society, and one where they're not treated like freaks for their perfectly sensible life choices!

I'm 42. Around half of my friends from high school remained child free and I expect the number of people choosing to do so will only increase. Tbh some are choosing that and others simply haven't been able to find a decent partner in time.

I would say over half my friendship group (including me) have chosen to be child free so it’s very normal. I have never felt weird or unusual.

I think in the context it wasn’t surprising as a gynae consultant must see huge numbers of women battling unwanted infertility.

I still I suppose see it as a less usual choice. Also I guess because my first marriage was to a man who didn’t want children and it made me so unhappy, I can’t read pieces by the childfree and not mentally find myself back at that awful time. I read those pieces endlessly trying to reconcile myself to the idea.

I don’t know if my ds 22 will have children (obviously). I will feel a sense of loss if he doesn’t, though there will be compensations (the genetic inheritance isn’t all great). That will be mine to deal with. And I would still see it as more unusual.

I have 2 children and I’d never regret them one bit HOWEVER people who do not have children, I do not blame them and can’t say you made a bad choice purely and only because of the fact of the state of the world. I often feel bad and anxious on what it’ll be like for them when they’re older and dread it for them. As I say I’d choose mine again any life time but people without kids luckily do not have that worry or fear which is not a bad thing.

I’m late 40’s and I would say 60-70% of my friends are happily child free. Sample size of about 50 but admittedly central London, all senior professionals. Of those who had kids 90% only had one. A lot of then who did have them had never wanted children but got pregnant accidentally.
Maybe it’s a self selecting group. Maybe it’s the demographic 🤷‍♀️

It’s definitely not unusual but your consultant has got to make the point so it sinks in. If he doesn’t you might go back and sue!

I'm child free age 53. I didn't 100% set out to be childfree but i got married first time round at 23 and there was still way too much i wanted to do. As the years went on i decided to leave it to fate but i suffered a lot from depression so never pursued getting pregnant as i didnt want to have my potential child having to live with it too. Split with ex around 40. Met my now husband who is the love of my life age 42 and we discussed having a baby but we decided against it due to age. I'm happy without children and its how i was supposed to be. I love kids, have lots of kids in the family and have a special relationship with my nephew and stepdaughters which i may not have been able to give them if i hady own. Out of five close friends growing up only 3 had kids and only 1 had multiple kids. I used to get berated, pitied, patronised by other women which is bizarre. Called selfish too, usually by the women who farmed out their kids to everyone else but had kids to fit in! 🙄😀

If you’re happy with the decision then why do you care what people say/think?
They probably ask because for most childless couples it’s because it never happened, or they met too late etc…

I was offered a hysterectomy at 40, I chickened out before the op… needed up having it 2 years ago aged 47..

I wanted ovaries taken too so that I couldn’t get ovarian cancer later down the line and not even be able to test for it…. I am so glad I didn’t have it at 40 because since having it my knees have got so painful from the lack of hormones that they keep me awake at night some nights! I’ve also completely lost my mojo!

so unless it’s necessary I’d be asking about other options.. like yearly smears?

and I’m assuming it’s not too urgent if they’re considering delaying if you had wanted a child.

on that note I think more people aren’t having children, how safe will Britain even be for our children & grandchildren?!…

Also kids are different these days, it’s hard work!! I think most of my friends wouldn’t have had children if they knew what they know now!!

It's still not accepted as it should be, but I do think it is much more understood to be a normal thing than it was.

I'm 48 and have kids, but I have never assumed people are parents once they're 'old enough' because, looking at my oldest friends I'd say about 50% are child free, by choice or otherwise. I think 30+ years ago it was the norm to assume most people over 30 had kids but I think people are less like to make the assumption now.

No its not that unusual. It's just obs/Gynaes majority of cases come from women unable to get pregnant, or complications from pregnancy, thus their views are somewhat skewed.

I’m 37 and will never have children - I personally can’t think of anything worse and know lots of people who are the same.

It’s not that unusual. 3 childhood friends from our friend group of 8 don’t have children. We’re early- mid 40’s. They’re not in relationships and unlikely to have any. Of the rest of us, two of us have 1 dc and the others have 2. We still do lots as a large group and then not having kids has never came to up in conversation.

I’m mid 40s and don’t have children and it’s nice to almost be at the age where people stop asking! I think things are changing and I’m glad I was born when I was and have the freedom to choose. Sadly women are still expected to do the lions share with children
and around the house and now work and I’m opting out of that life. I’d consider children if I could be the dad in the scenario.

I think society assumes married people who don’t have kids must have some sort of infertility issue. People still take it as a given that everyone wants children, especially if they get married.

When I was getting married lots of people assumed children would be the next step. My grandmother even said the whole point of getting married is to have children or why bother.

According to the ONS approximately 3 million women aged 16 to 45 are expected to stay permanently child-free by choice. Around 1 in 5 women (18-19%) remain permanently childless, whether by circumstance or choice.

So it is no longer "unusual".

Fundamentally the basic reason you
exist is to procreate and perpetuate the species, hence why you always have and always will the responses you get.

Not at all and it's only people with a narrow mindset who would question it. I would say half my friends don't have DC and most of those didn't plan to or weren't bothered.

We didn't have ours til age 40 (wanted to but not always that easy) and yes the usual small talk of do you have kids. It was awkward and personal to converse further and the insensitive ones would ask why but most wouldn't pry.

Yes, but it shouldn’t be and it’s getting more ‘normal’ I genuinely wish my child had decided to be child free. They won’t be able to afford anything or have any quality of life at this rate.

I’m 37. Of my 10 closest friends:

4 have children
2 are pregnant
3 childfree by choice
1 wants kids but about to get married and hopefully will have kids after that

I don’t think it’s unusual, but it’s still not the majority, I guess.

Then perhaps Governments shouldnt have told people they shouldnt have children that they cant afford. And then started whining once they realised the reckoning has to be paid.

Incidentally i saw a review for this book last week. Gave me chills.

https://www.hachette.co.uk/titles/claire-mcgowan-3/the-quickening/9781472160409/

I just read this book - it was great, but also scarily a bit too close to home. Thank goodness I have the choice.