Is choosing not to have children really still seen as unusual?

In the mid-1970s when I was 11, we had horrific sex education films. Of my group of four close friends only one has had children. The rest of us were so appalled that we decided it wasn't for us. None of us has any regrets. All have been happily married.

I am childfree in my 50s. When I had a hysterectomy in my early 40s, none of the HCPs mentioned fertility to me. I don't see the need unless they have reason to suspect the woman might not understand that implication, e.g. if she has learning difficulties.

Childfree women my age are quite rare in my circles.

I didn't particularly want children. Fell pregnant at 24 yrs old, was on the pill.
Went ahead with pregnancy. Love my daughter dearly but got utterly fed up to the back teeth of work colleagues and friends saying "when are going to give xxx a brother or sister?".

Eventually had to say I'm not interested in having children and the first was not planned. They soon stopped asking.

I'm 39, 40 in a few weeks, with one child. I'm the only one of my school friends with a child, the 6 I'm still in contact with have never expressed an interest in having kids. Some are married, couple are single. They're all in London. It's never a topic when we meet.

Might also be a regional thing because my boss in Germany is 37 and constantly being asked when she's having kids. She doesn't want any but says the pressure is annoying.

I wouldn’t bat an eye at this. Several of my work colleagues in their late 30s and 40s are adamant that they’re staying child free and good on them I say!

Child free by choice at 43. I wonder sometimes if I’ll regret it in 10 years when the shop is officially shut but I still don’t think so. Only half of the girls in my prep school class have had children, whereas when I was a child I didn’t know an adult woman who wasn’t also a mum. Have watched friends ruin their lives with children, my life isn’t perfect but kids and child-rearing are oversold imo.

On a population as a whole level of course it's unusual not to want to have children, because otherwise the species would die out. In many countries the average number of children per woman is decreasing to a worrying level, due both to a choice to have fewer children and to have no children.
I think the doctor was just making sure you were absolutely certain. Births in over 40s are increasing so it's not unusual to want to become pregnant at 40.

It is becoming more common to choose to be child free but it's still not usual.

Having 3 siblings my side and 2 on my partners, we are the only ones with children and its likely to stay that way given the ages. A lot of my school friends are child free too. I dont think its unusual anymore.

At 53 which is ten years older than you and the shop probably is shut i would love to stop taking the mini pill but NHS says to stay on it till 55 so ive got two more years to go.

I'm in my 70's now. Got married to my husband in my mid 20's after living together for 3 years & we both didn't want children. I/we don't regret that decision at all.
However there often were comments usually from older women at work "isn't that the reason you got married, to have children?"
When in my mid/late 30's I asked my GP that if there was an accident with mine/our contraception & I fell pregnant would I be able to have a termination on the NHS without having to have any counselling, apparently that was normal procedure back then, don't know about now. My GP said no problem, I/we really, really didn't ever want children. Fortunately I never was pregnant.

I think it’s less unusual than it was, but can understand why they would want to ensure you are sure. I am childless by choice, I just can’t do the baby thing, but truly blessed to have DSS that came into my life as a toddler, which is an age I am more than happy having a part in!

My niece knew in her early 20’s that she never wanted children, 13 years on and she still feels the same.

I find this a fascinating topic of discussion because it really shows our development compared to other animals. That is what we are and the main reason we are here is because of the animal instinct to procreate. It’s what has allowed our species to survive. Yet somehow our consciousness has come into play and humans now make a rational choice whether to have offspring. No other animal species seems to do this that we know of. It goes against everything that has allowed us to evolve through thousands of years.

I’m not saying either choice is right or wrong, I’m all for following your heart, it’s just really interesting how it was the same for centuries but it’s only in the last few decades where it’s now becoming the norm to go against natural instinct. It probably leads in to a wider discussion that the world is evolving faster than our cave man brains can cope with but I digress!…

@FlipFlopVibe For many people, they feel the expense and loss of earnings I’d too great. The cost of housing and the type of life they want costs too much with dc as well, so many are choosing not to have dc and we have a falling birth rate. Not amongst everyone of course - the stats show it’s a not a universal decision. One child is now far more common too due to expense.

I think medics just ask because they must.

For me it's not even a "choice". Choosing to not have a baby was no less of a no brainer to me than not choosing to adopt a camel or learn the sitar 😁

In my peer group, we’re all 34-35. Up until a couple of years ago, less than half of us had kids, but with the threat of 35 looming so many have now had a child - even those who had previously said they didn’t want them, and have been married for years. It’s actually really surprised me because it’s shown that not having kids is still fairly unusual.

On here thst is meant to womens goal in life

And that’s absolutely how you should live your life. It’s just really interesting how the brain has evolved without even consciously knowing it. It’s like we already know the planet was becoming over populated so without us even making a decision, some animals (read humans) were born not needing to procreate despite that being the way for so long. Makes my brain hurt thinking about it!

i know theres a shortage now but if you lived in social housing back in the 90s having kids was the only hope of getting a house with a garden. Otherwise it was a bedsit or one bedroom flat if you were lucky. I experienced both of these and im still in the latter. So the lower down the socio economic scale you go you are better off if you have kids or at least you were 20/30 years ago.

And i still didnt want them because.............just didnt want them

I am 40 and also childfree. People are always surprised especially as I work with kids and do like being around them. And I’ve been married a long time. Whenever people express surprise I smile and say brightly but I do have cats! And then start to go on about them so that usually makes people change the subject to shut me up 😂

yes I agree and that must be a really difficult decision, again it’s something that no other species has to consider but our evolved brains take so many factors into account now. We live in really difficult times for our mental health

@JenniferBooth I don’t think vast numbers of people had dc 30 years ago to get social housing. Everyone I knew already had a house before dc. It’s what we all wanted. Now, the cost of that aspiration is huge and it’s stopping people having dc. The cost of child care or loss of income is massive too. If parents already have social housing with a cheap rent, they are in a much better position to have dc.

Im not saying they did Im saying that it was the only way you qualified for it. It was/is housing policy

Both of my children now in their 40’s… both single and child free. Both very career focused. DD will not even date anyone with children.

Past childbearing age now, but I never wanted children and have never had any. The assumption that people in their 60’s are somehow falling into the “not normal” band if they are childless is, quite frankly, ridiculous. (Let’s remember, too, that it’s not just women who choose to be childless).