DH blase about DC being violent, am I over sensitive?

6 replies

SentinelJade · 21/07/2026 20:51

My DC is profoundly disabled and has behaviour that challenges, he is now bigger and stronger than me. I am left with them a lot alone but in other areas they are 2:1 and do not mix with peers due to the risk.

If I get attacked and tell DH and ask him to leave a social activity like today asap I don’t even get asked how I am and just get sarcastic comments. The general vibe is I’m weak and anxious and he can take getting attacked but he can overpower him ( just ) and I can’t anymore.

My other child basically lives in their bedroom to avoid any negative interaction and we have asked for residential but due to the complex needs it’s not going to happen any time soon.

I feel like most middle aged women would be anxious getting hit, kicked, gouged, bit ( well attempted as I’m good at avoiding ) etc when you know you are alone and nobody can step in. My DC really can’t help this but my DH sometimes acts like I’m the problem but DC is like this in all settings and with him, he can just control him physically alone.

OP posts:

parietal · 21/07/2026 21:09

You are not over sensitive. This is a dangerous situation for you and both dc.

ask DH what would happen if dc broke your arm and you had to go to hospital for a week. That could happen.

what is the longer term plan for care? Now is the time to push hard for respite and support and residential care.

Itiswhysofew · 21/07/2026 21:18

Is DH coming up with any solutions, or just going to continue to make you feel inadequate? Your DC is only getting stronger, which means DH will have to be more present, if he doesnt want his wife endng up seriously injured. His response was apathetic at best.

pickywatermelon · 21/07/2026 21:19

Even if possible is your DH “overpowering” the right approach?

If DH is also dismissive - curious how often do you get to do social activities

Your DH doesn’t see / experience a problem and you do - something has to change even if he still doesn’t see anything as you can’t keep going until something worse happens

Re the residential - would not coping / being a squeaky wheel make this happen faster? My worry is if you “cope” then everyone seems to benefit (including your DH apart from when you disrupt his social life…) and there is no urgency for anything to ever change

Original poster

SentinelJade · 21/07/2026 21:28

Thank you for the replies, we do things separately due to no childcare. He wouldn’t ask me to come home though, but for example he would be able to get him into his sensory protective area alone. I would not attempt to physically manage him now.

I have followed the process for residential and a search has been out since last year.

I am the one who liaises with all professionals etc, he mainly checks out of that or has negative comments.

It just feels like an extra kick, like if only I was stronger and more resilient I would be fine with this life. Thing is I’m not a naturally anxious person or a delicate flower or anything but living in quite an isolated way most of the time and facing violence makes you crack up a bit!

OP posts:

fsfdl · 21/07/2026 21:52

I’m sorry you are dealing with this and that your partner doesn’t seem to understand how much more difficult this is for you. Men are stronger and generally taller and consequently less likely to be injured.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 21/07/2026 21:56

Hmm. What would he say if you turned his scorn round on him?
Sorry DH, obviously I just can’t manage it on my own now he’s bigger and stronger than me. I won’t be able to look after him alone anymore.

Separately, have you got the various protective clothing? A friend used to have bite proof sleeves, and so on.

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