Feel like I’m going insane - it’s a dog one sorry

I love dogs, but I don’t like other people’s dogs coming into my space.
It’s ridiculous to compare seeing a guide dog indoors, or someone else’s pet outdoors, with being confined in the same place with a dog that didn’t need to be there.

Stand your ground, your families health trumps the dog being included in get together s.
I’ve had dogs all my life and love them but I get really annoyed at people who think their pet trumps other peoples comfort, be considerate and don’t be a nuisance.

I feel very sorry for you and your immediate family OP. Serious allergies can be all consuming and it's natural to not want to come into contact knowingly with the allergen.

Coincidentally being in the same public space with a service dog is not the same as being forced to share space with a pet which can be left quite happily at home. Your SIL is being incredibly selfish, putting a dog ahead of a child no matter how much she feels the dog is her child is cruel.

I work at a school campus. A child in the lower school is seriously allergic to nuts. I an never in the lower school and in fact would struggle to recognise that child. A campus wide nut ban is in force regardless of whether we will come in contact with the child. I love almond butter and apple slices but I don't take that snack into work in case I leave a speck of nut butter somewhere and the child ends up in hospital. It's not difficult to be accomodating and put your needs and wants aside for the good of someone else.

Edited for typos.

I'd stop going to family events and if anyone questions it I'd say that you don't want to be put in this position anymore where you have to keep explaining your allergy, nor do you enjoy the pressure and the conflict it seems to create so you're leaving them all to it. It's

Not wanting to come out in hives after being near thst dog makes her melodramatic? Hardly! I am a dog owner and wouldnever bring him where I am asked not to. It is just common sense and showing care about others.

How do you cope when there's guide dogs where you are? Obviously the dog shouldn't be jumping up on you, but if it's in public and a distance away, there should be allergy medication that can help-I can't remember the name of one that really worked for a friend, but you can get some things to help. Allergies are real, and even allergies to human beings are possible. Obviously you can decide who comes to your house, but one of you might become disabled and need a dog, plus in schools/work places there are often dogs, so it's worth looking into medication.

Dog saliva gives you hives? Really? It’s not because you scrub yourself with bleach if the dog licks you? I suspect your family don’t believe all your symptoms are genuine and think you just have a massive dog phobia.

I love my dogs. They are really important to me. However, I never impose them on anyone. I understand that a lot of people don’t like dogs and it wouldn’t cross my mind to inflict them on anyone with allergies. I’m sorry that you feel so poorly supported OP but you are definitely not going insane. They are being ridiculous.

Stand firm OP.
It's completely unreasonable for them to bring a dog anywhere near your family when you’re all allergic to it.
They’re completely batshit.
I'd offer to meet them anywhere that’s definitely not dog friendly and decline every single invitation where the dog will be there. Allergies are really serious, I can’t fathom why they’re not understanding this.
(I’ve got a dog, I’m not a dog basher)

Said someone who clearly doesn't have allergy-induced asthma.

I think dh needs to talk to his parents then.

Is it your husbands sister or your brother and his wife? Just wondering I guess if the grandparents are your parents or Dh’s because depending who’s parents they are then you or dh talk to them without SIL around and maybe try to get them on side. Does SIL also have a child? Are the grandparents worried about not seeing a grandchild from SIL?

I agree, be firm and just say no. Don’t go to anything when the dog is attending and make it clear why you’re not there.

Allergies are real...
I wouldnt get into it.

Copy and paste a stock phrase.

"We are allergic to dogs. If SILs dog is there we wont come. If we come and SILs dog is there we will have to leave."

If you go and the blasted thing in their turn around and leave.

A lab can be left at home for 4 hrs

Yeah @BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw , you're such a drama queen! Your allergies are all in your mind, nobody can really be allergic to a furbaby. Pull on your big girl pants and take the whole fecking pack of antihistamines next time, because quite clearly the rights of the animal outrank the rights of you, your husband and child. Dogz rule!

Fuck me, the dog obsessed walk among us. I am violently allergic to cats and no, the antihistamines only take the edge off, they don't stop my eyes swelling up and the wheezing.

Some people, who have never had to live with severe allergies themselves, refuse to believe that some allergies are real. Especially if to accommodate those allergies would inconvenience them. I have had similar experiences within my family, so I understand. I, and two of my children, were highly allergic to a parent-in-law's dog, but they refused to believe it. Not even witnessing a severe asthma attack that resulted in my child being hospitalised after contact with their dog convinced them. We had to avoid going to their house or in their car at all due to the allergens from the dog everywhere, whether the dog itself was present or not. It was sad, very difficult, caused a lot of hard feelings and resentment on both sides and affected the amount of time that they could spend with their grandchildren. It only improved after the dog died, and then it took a long time for the house to be clear enough of dog allergens for us to visit.
You have my sympathy OP- if people refuse to understand, there is little that you can do except choose to stay away. They choose to bring the dog; you choose to avoid contact with it and therefore can't attend.

They sound bonkers and out of order. I doubt you choose for you or your child choose to have allergies (lm quite an allergic person so l have a lot of sympathy)! I would have a reply that l would copy, paste and just reply with it EVERY SINGLE TIME. I would also decline to give it any air time or head space. Allergies rarely go away especially in adults so things aren’t going to change

Hi, dog lover here with 2 happy hounds.

I think your family are being completely unreasonable. If you are severely allergic being cooped up indoors where there is a dog leaving fur behind that sets off your allergies is a no no. I dont think its unreasonable for the dog not to be there. Fur can linger and with the best will in the world will transfer to flooring, furniture or clothing. I certainly wouldnt dream of bringing our dogs if a family member was allergic.

If the event is at your SiL's then you obviously wouldnt go there.

I do think though its a reasonable compromise if its an outdoor event that the dog could go & be kept on lead or supervised on a long lead and kept away from you. The key thing is that your SiL is controlling her dog.

I do hope your DD doesnt inherit your allergies as Im sure it makes things quite limiting.

I just want to say something which might make me unpopular. I dont mean it as a criticism at all or to belittle the severity of your allergies. But you mention that your DD is frightened of the dog. Why is that? Im (sadly) very allergic to lychees but Im not frightened of them. I am though hysterically frightened of spiders to the point of being phobic. And although I tried when my children were little not to show it, one of my DS is also frightened of them.

Its difficult if you are worried your DD might be allergic, but I think you do need to ensure she is cautious but not frightened of dogs. Dogs sense our emotions and interpret body language. Your SiL's dog may be ok with frightened cries or reactions, but not all dogs are the same. Ive seen too many children from no pet households being really scared of cats or dogs and reacting in ways that can cause situations simply because the child doesnt have any experience or understanding of animals.

As I said, Im not at all critising you or your allergies or wanting to protect your DD. But teach her to practise caution not fear.

Stupid idiots.

No one loves dogs more than my family do, just in our household we have 8.

Why the F do some people think their dogs are humans and not only that, think that everyone else should consider that the are humans too and be included in every human activity? Idiots.

If I can manage to go to family functions without taking my 8 dogs then your stupid relative should be able to too.

Some dog people are utter dickhead, furbaby twats.

I'd get a standard response and stick to it.

"Sorry. Just rechecked and still very allergic to dogs, so no we won't be coming"

If they say you need to restrict your kids going to family events if their dog can't come, send out a poll asking if anyone has severe allergies to your kid. If they do, you're happy to stay home and not expose them to the allergen. Double whammy - points out their ridiculousness re the kids argument and their selfishness re subjecting you to a known allergen.