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Original poster

Friend only replying to my husband after I sent birthday wishes

21 replies

SurreySenMum26 · 16/07/2026 10:37

It was my old school friends birthday at the weekend. Wished her happy birthday via WhatsApp. She hasn't read it. Meanwhile dh has sent a WhatsApp and had a back and fourth full on conversation.

I guess friend might feel like we are on entity so no need to reply to both. But I only get the news via dh reading it to me. She can't be busy to read.

OP posts:
Barbarella73 · 16/07/2026 10:38

Have you asked her if she received your message? Could be some kind of technical glitch.

SinisterPeaches · 16/07/2026 10:42

I imagine she feels she’s talking to you both, rather than conducting two separate WhatsApps about the same stuff? DH and I just found out via a third party that an old university friend of ours (definitely his more than mine to begin with, but latterly I’ve seen far more of her) had just had surgery. We both messaged her, but while she just hearted mine to acknowledge, she’s been having a proper back and forth with DH, because she knows he’ll pass everything on. I can’t imagine feeling miffed about it, tbh.

Rachelshair · 16/07/2026 11:04

Ask her why she's not replying to you! Ask if she got the message?
I'd be very miffed if my friend did this.

ginasevern · 16/07/2026 13:33

Yep, that's weird.

Newbookandcupofcoffee · 16/07/2026 13:44

Did he meet her through you? Or were they also school friends, that's weird to me but I cant imagine ignoring a friend and replying to their husband , what are they talking about?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/07/2026 13:50

If this is a one off it’s not that deep - on a busy bday messages ping in at diffenet times and sometimes it’s the one at the top of the list when she has a free minute that will get a reply. I did this to my cousins on my bday recently - only one got a back and forth reply from me. Can you IMAGINE if they started a post saying ‘our cousin replies to one sister and not the other! She must hate sister two! Is she fake! Shall we cut her off’

however if this is part of a pattern of her flirting with you partners etc over time then Yanbu to be annoyed but Yabu to still be friends

AnonymityAnonymity · 16/07/2026 14:48

That's very strange OP.

Have she and your H got history together?bit sounds as though they must be very close.

Original poster
SurreySenMum26 · 16/07/2026 15:18

She was my friend so he is her friend too but only because of via me. Just checked and it's been delivered buy not read. Over a week.

I'm not considering cutting her off because of it or even mentioning it. Just does make me feel that dh is more of a priority to reply too. She is my oldest friend and it just makes me feel that dh is better company than me in a way.

They have had a full on back and fourth conversation so can't be too busy to not reply. She had asked him before to ask me if I wanted something and asked me via him. He has been in her vacinty twice recently without me and pooped into see her. Maybe I'm.jelous he is better company than me?

Idk. I just feel a bit put out like he is better company. Like when you ask your mate if they are free for a catch up, friend says they are super busy then you see them in a coffee shop with a mutual friend the next day ( this has happened to me if you can't tell). But when that mutual friend is someone you live with, you find out faster.

Doesn't help that my last message before that was left on read. Oh well. Maybe it's his turn to put the effort into that friendship. Its just a dynamic change recentlyand I'm not sure, I'm a bit put out. I put the effort in normally, not him.

I will try again in a few days and ask if she had a nice birthday.

OP posts:
AnonymityAnonymity · 16/07/2026 15:30

So your DH goes visiting this woman in her home without you? And now they are exchanging text messages and she is ignoring you?
Don't be naive OP.

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 16/07/2026 15:31

I'd be getting your ducks in a row.

Rachelshair · 16/07/2026 15:32

So she's seeing him without you on a pop-in basis (were the visits really not planned by her and your husband? Is she happy with pop ins?) and is now not replying to you, or even reading your messages? I'd definitely ask her about it.
I wouldn't be ok with my friend's husband repeatedly popping in to visit me without her, it would feel weird. And a bit disloyal to my friend, ditching her for her husband. You just don't do that.

Nearly50omg · 16/07/2026 15:34

Are you really that blind that you can’t see what’s going on in front of you?!!! Your “friend” is going after your husband under your nose and you are letting him and he is going for it!! “Popping in” to see is wife’s friend twice?!?! When she isn’t replying to basic messages like happy birthday?!!! She’s ignoring you because if she isn’t already having an affair with your husband then she’s planning it!!

id make it very clear to your h that he blocks her on everything, there is no popping in to see her or meeting up with her and make it very clear to him it’s not acceptable!!!

Original poster
SurreySenMum26 · 16/07/2026 15:47

She lives in another county 80 miles away so it's hardly a regular or easy event to pop in. He has gone to see her everytime he has been in county. He has seen her four times this year where I have only seen her once with him.

She told him she was doing something on her birthday neither or dh knew about so I doubt there is an affair or he would have known what she up to on her birthday. I do feel put out and like something has shifted but I don't think it's an affair

OP posts:
AnonymityAnonymity · 16/07/2026 15:59

Well if it's not a full blown affair yet OP it's heading tbat way. It's not even a 3 way relationship now if they are cutting you out of their developing closeness

Tel12 · 16/07/2026 16:04

Seems like she's signalling a change in the relationship. He's visited 4 times this year????

Original poster
SurreySenMum26 · 16/07/2026 16:44

Yes she was moving and having a clear out so the visits was mainly to pick up things she didn't want that our son make use of at uni. So not totally suspicious.

OP posts:
ginasevern · 17/07/2026 18:35

Yes, it it suspicious OP. Sorry but this doesn't sound great.

Didimum · 17/07/2026 18:39

Yes, odd, but I’d guess you’re asking because this isn’t the first ‘weird thing’.

OneNewEagle · 17/07/2026 19:56

Yes very strange . My DP works away all over the place. A few times he has been passing a friends home so has popped into say hello and have a cup of tea, a bit rude not to. So visited without me as I’m hundreds of miles away at our house. (He’s done the same with my family too over the years). But they don’t ever message each other like that as she’s my friend.

GrumpyPanda · 17/07/2026 20:00

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 16/07/2026 15:31

I'd be getting your ducks in a row.

That was fast 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Minimeeny · 19/07/2026 12:25

Nothing has happened yet. But they fancy each other. Wakeup.

Send her another message now just saying: ?

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