The Goose and Carrot Pub Thread

@JumpersFluffy Glad you are recovering and great news about DD1s interviews.

@Zzzzzs Hope DS is OK

@Lougle Glad surgery is done and hope recovery goes well.

Plumber has now quoted and been booked for Thursday, still trying to get time from electricians but plumber needs to finish first anyway. Plumber should just be a day but asked electricians for a time next week as things tend to slip with trades and there's also lots of little power cuts we had.

DH has ordered a new tyre to replace the one he had to use as he didn't see edges of road in dark. Should have it on Wednesday. Got the waterbutt for the shed delivered today. I cleaned all the kitchen including inside dishwasher and cutlery draw and all the bathroom and laundry room and did some old paint stripping and DH has been working on getting wall level. DH is now out getting things from DIY store though wish he would not drive in dark or at least get his eyes tested but its like his ears he claims there's not much issue when there's clearly is.

DS ate all his Sunday roast and has been putting rubbish in the bin rather than in the downstairs bathroom.

Just to say I'm here, I'm not reading though I might read some rubbish elsewhere later, we had police and CID, my university friend is staying, DD is doing things, she wants her baby chicken back, I woke up next to him in his room, they told us his heart just stopped in a fit. I want to believe that. But I also want it to be my fault because it must be someone's fault.

I am so sorry @drspouse You did absolutely everything you could for your DS and were a wonderful Mum to him and hospital had done checks so even the specialist medics did what they could, I am so sorry it wasn't enough to save him. I am glad you have a friend staying with you. I hope the police / CID wasn't too stressful. I am glad your DD is still able to do things. Don't worry at all about the thread or anything else, just pop on or DM one of us and we'll do anything we can and will all be thinking of you.

@drspouse I'm glad you have company. It's completely normal to want it to be someone's fault. There is no explanation that will feel good enough right now and that's ok. Minute by minute.

@drspouse - it is not your fault. You have been the best mother and advocate in the world for DS. He was lucky to have you.

As pp have said, it’s natural to want to blame someone, including yourself. Mothers always blame themselves! You were in the room with him - you did your best to protect him. However, we cannot control everything. I believe you couldn’t have done any more.

I also don't believe you could have done more and I was completely shocked by your news - your son had been quite active and been just checked in hospital and appeared to be recovering and they returned him to home after their checks so they must have thought he was well enough to be home. Its also virus season so that explanation seemed plausible. I do think its normal to want to feel there is something that can be controlled/prevented but please don't think you are to blame in anyway, you did absolutely everything you could.

It doesn’t make sense because there is no sense in it, drspouse. I have been thinking of you and ds and dd and dh all day. Of course you want it to be someone’s fault. Not yours though, never yours. We’ve all heard you trying for ds and dd for years and years. I hope you manage to get some sleep.

@drspouse we are all here. We have shared a lot of detail about our lives over the years. We know how relentlessly you have tried and succeeded to make life better for your children. The death of your son is so unexpected and shocking but was not and will never be your fault. DH and I continue to pray for you.