Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Site stuff

Join our Innovation Panel to try new features early and help make Mumsnet better.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Another thread on 'active' being destroyed

114 replies

saraclara · 26/01/2025 22:06

A parent who posted about her children in care, on the fostering branch, is being ripped apart, unfairly.

This is only happening because her thread appears on active/trending/whatever, so people who have no idea about anything are abusing and judging her.

I've reported some posts, but what really needs to happen in these circumstances, is HQ quickly removing the thread title from active. Some particular branches' OPs need this kind of protection.

Can you please consider this?

OP posts:
wandawaves · 27/01/2025 01:53

rainbowunicorn · 26/01/2025 23:51

In fostering it will be read by people that have genuine advice to give rather than the nasty bullies that hang about waiting on new threads on AIBU to gang up on the OP.

Show quote history

But what I'm saying is, do enough posters actually go through individual forums? Maybe they do, and in that case, it's all good then. I've just never used a forum in that way myself.

Although in saying that, you can follow a whole topic/forum and then you get notified of a thread being posted, so perhaps if enough people know that and they follow their relevant topics, that could work? Do people use this feature?

NiteWotcha · 27/01/2025 01:47

POTC · 27/01/2025 01:44

I can still see it so I assume not
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5261233-social-services

Oh right, thanks @POTC Flowers
have hidden that one as well

POTC · 27/01/2025 01:43

NiteWotcha · 27/01/2025 01:28

Hi all
Night Watch here
we’ve hidden that thread for now and MNHQ can take a look in the morning.

Flowers

Have you also hidden her aibu one?

POTC · 27/01/2025 01:43

It possibly wasn't helped by her also posting in AIBU though, I can see why it went the way it did as if you'd read one in aibu you would naturally read the other in the same way

Sopredictable · 27/01/2025 01:39

Mumsnet should intervene much quicker in these derail situations where nasty almost vitriolic individuals take great joy it seems in being judgey and opinionated.

Just utterly horrible.

TreadLightly3 · 27/01/2025 01:37

Agreed @saraclara - mumsnet needs to do better on this

NiteWotcha · 27/01/2025 01:28

Hi all
Night Watch here
we’ve hidden that thread for now and MNHQ can take a look in the morning.

Flowers
Whatevershallidowithmylife · 27/01/2025 01:23

Yes I read some of the thread and it was quite obvious the poster was asking a question to be answered by someone who knew the answer, not a lot of idiots who clearly cannot read. I didn't post as I have no experience- why would you?

jen337 · 27/01/2025 00:44

Agree, it started off with some helpful responses then some really unpleasant posts from sad twats.

justasking111 · 27/01/2025 00:21

Another odd thing that is happening is a new thread and the first response being deleted. So perhaps trolls are easy to pickup. Name changers not so much.

Wannabeamummybad · 27/01/2025 00:20

saraclara · 26/01/2025 22:24

When a vulnerable person in a horrible and very specific situation is being torn apart, surely MNHQ owes them a duty of care?
If you're going to provide a discrete area for people to post about their difficult social care issues etc, they should be protected from ending up as AIBU fodder.

Edited

Totally agree!

MarchionessVonSausage · 27/01/2025 00:20

Agreed. Some forum topics shouldn't appear in Trending or Active. Didn't that happen with the Sex topic when enough people complained?

There should also be a mechanism to ban posters using some sort of 3 strikes and you're out rule. Regardless of creating new usernames. Some people are trolls, some people are just consistently vile.

I've been piled-on before over a post about my cousin's wedding of all things, to the extent I was in tears. I can't imagine what some pile-on victims on MN have been through. It's sheer bullying. This place is becoming more and more vicious.

justasking111 · 27/01/2025 00:17

I haven't seen this thread but have seen other awful ones. This really needs addressing in site stuff

Anxious2024 · 27/01/2025 00:15

Puppydog83 · 26/01/2025 22:30

I rarely post on here anymore coz I feel like everytime I have, albeit under different names, I've been ripped apart and my posts super analysed. I have adhd and find I can waffle and over share which is like a red rag to a bull on here.
Some people have absolutely no empathy and in real life I would avoid them just from their tone but on here you can't.

Sensitive posts need to be shielded from these sharp tongues as much as possible. Especially when it comes to parents who have ss involved. As many people don't understand that real life doesn't work like it says it does in books or on paper.

And when you're going thru a hard time last thing you need is someone goading you when they wouldn't necessarily go looking for your post in other parts of the forum coz that's "beneath them".

I rarely post now for the same reason.

FlowerUser · 27/01/2025 00:14

What surprises me is that she was getting less flak on AIBU than on the fostering thread.

I really feel for her because her son falsely accused her and her husband of something that was found to be untrue. He's in separate care to her other two DC and everyone is waiting for a report and an assessment so the kids can go back.

It seems the foster carers are not taking the children to activities when they should be.

I know it's likely to be way more serious than I've just summarised, or her kids wouldn't be in care, but it's the slow system that's causing everyone distress (and costing money) and she just wanted an answer.

The vitriol was totally unnecessary.

Orangeandgold · 27/01/2025 00:11

I’ve noticed since the changes that have happened on mumsnet there are way more posts that appear in trending. Perhaps the new algorithm/filter isn’t working as there are some posts on tending that badly have comments - not that there is an issue with that, but it shows that trending isn’t quite picking up posts that are popular (which tends to be AIBU or chat or relationships or anything that has gained momentum quickly).

MN definitely attracts trolls and people that seem to be anti-parents lately which is terrible.

gladwhiskers · 26/01/2025 23:58

J

rainbowunicorn · 26/01/2025 23:51

wandawaves · 26/01/2025 23:38

I was just reading that thread and thought it was horrendous.
But... if it's removed from active, will it be seen enough to get responses? I guess it depends on how people use the site, but personally I only use the 'active' button, i don't go into individual forums.

In fostering it will be read by people that have genuine advice to give rather than the nasty bullies that hang about waiting on new threads on AIBU to gang up on the OP.

Original poster
saraclara · 26/01/2025 23:45

wandawaves · 26/01/2025 23:38

I was just reading that thread and thought it was horrendous.
But... if it's removed from active, will it be seen enough to get responses? I guess it depends on how people use the site, but personally I only use the 'active' button, i don't go into individual forums.

If many Mumsnetters ONLY use the active buttons, that's all the more reason that sensitive threads don't reach that facility. Clearly none of you are bothering to look to see where those threads were posted.

OP posts:
wonkymonkey · 26/01/2025 23:43

Absolutely agree.

Original poster
saraclara · 26/01/2025 23:43

wandawaves · 26/01/2025 23:38

I was just reading that thread and thought it was horrendous.
But... if it's removed from active, will it be seen enough to get responses? I guess it depends on how people use the site, but personally I only use the 'active' button, i don't go into individual forums.

It will get responses from the people who actually know the answer though. The people that visit the fostering page.

Better just three people seeing it who know the answer, than the one response from someone who knows the answer disappearing into hundreds of spiteful responses from people who can't even be bothered reading the question

OP posts:
Cornecopia · 26/01/2025 23:42

wandawaves · 26/01/2025 23:38

I was just reading that thread and thought it was horrendous.
But... if it's removed from active, will it be seen enough to get responses? I guess it depends on how people use the site, but personally I only use the 'active' button, i don't go into individual forums.

Yeah I agree. I click trending now usually

Cornecopia · 26/01/2025 23:40

Imaging your children being taken from you (whether at fault or not) it’s still very difficult I imagine. And that poor lady was holding onto the last thing she knew she could control for her children. She may well be a bad person, it may well have been in those children’s best interests to be removed. OR it could be that due to one unfortunate incident she hit the threshold for involvement and this is protocol whilst what ever happens is being investigated. NO ONE KNOWS. Mums net is full of seriously nasty women, people are so fast to recommend mental health services, counselling etc but you nasty posters could be the very reason it pushes someone over the edge.
you should all hang your heads in shame.

weirdoboelady · 26/01/2025 23:40

I applaud the OP on that thread, who is actually responding in a sensible and measured way. She seems to have far more intelligence than most of the posters. I am glad that at least one response has been an intelligent one from a professional actually answering the question asked - VERY few of the other responses do this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread