Did you let your child choose their school?

80 replies

AhBiscuits · 17/08/2026 14:52

DD is heading into Y6 so we'll be choosing her secondary shortly. We agree on 3 schools for the list but disagree with the order.

School 1 is a brilliant school and top choice for both DD and us. No guarantee we'll get a place. If you are within the catchment area, which we are, it's just names in a hat, pure luck. Every year there are lots of disappointed families.

School 2 is also a very good school. It's our safe choice for the list because she'd definitely get in to this one. Some of DD's friends will go here, it's a short walk from home.

School 3 is an all girls school. Similar to School 1, admission is a lottery so we just don't know if she'd get in.

DD wants to put School 3 as second choice. My main issue with that is I really want both my kids to go to the same school. It would be a lot more convenient and they could look out for eachother a bit. DS is two years below and obviously cannot go to School 3. I don't know if I should overrule her or not. She's quite taken with the idea of a girls school. A couple of neighbour kids she's friends with are going there in September.

OP posts:

Breeze67 · 05/09/2026 10:37

First and foremost, I have convinced my daughter that she will thrive wherever she goes (and I do believe it myself!), given that we are in the fortunate position that all the schools under consideration are at least good ones. She has her priorities, but she will be perfectly happy if she ends up going elsewhere. The final decision will be made after the 11+ exams, taking into account both her preferences and ours, which have a big overlap with some differences.

Original poster

AhBiscuits · 03/10/2026 10:24

We've been to open days for all three schools now. My impressions were

School 1 - excellent facilities, modern, very academic, very strict. Lots of good clubs and a big focus on music. DD would be able to continue piano and trampoline there. A good fit for DD who is a natural rule follower and never any trouble. DD was a big fan and we all agree first choice.

School 2 - it was fine. I feel pretty meh about it. I liked the head, she came across well and has been the head for 10 years. Good sports facilities. DH was concerned that it came across as quite 'woke'. Citizenship is a mandatory GSCE subject and I'm not really a fan of that.

School 3 - 135 year old school, felt like Hogwarts in some parts 😄 I loved the head, she was so charismatic and inspiring, the way she spoke about empowering girls. Big push on Stem. Lacking in sports facilities, they have to travel and borrow facilities for some of it. DD and I were sold and want it as choice 2.

The only issue we have now is convincing DH. He is not on board with school 3. In general, he doesn't think single sex schools are best for the kids socially. I think he worries about DD becoming an extreme man-hating feminist. He didn't like the head in the same way I did. Then there's the practical side. This school has one longer day each week and then an extra week of summer holiday, which DS obviously won't have.
I think we'll win him round, it's hard to argue with the stats when the girl's school beats school 2 on every measure of success.

OP posts:

Hairyfairy01 · 03/10/2026 10:39

It’s lucky your DH doesn’t have to go there isn’t it. Sounds like you have a very sensible dd who has made some very sound choices based on what is right for her. I would 100% respect this. Both of my DC chose their own secondary schools.

MyCoffeeTable · 03/10/2026 10:42

Can you show him the stats that girls do better in single sex schools (boys do better in mixed sex incidentally - so if his objection is based on any experience he has had of an all boys school that is irrelevant)?

I mean - becoming a ‘man-hating feminist’ would be something that would be the fault of negative experiences your daughter may have with men - not going to an all girls school. It’s also pretty rare and a really stupid fear that says more about him that anything else. In my town - I knew girls and boys at the single sex schools, and in general the girls from there were far keener on hanging out socially with boys, probably because they didn’t at school, but anecdotally they were all very confident high achieving girls and the ones I still know have healthy relationships with men.

sorryIdidntmeanto · 03/10/2026 15:00

Some successes are hard to quantify, like wellbeing, resilience, or social skills for example.

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