Did you let your child choose their school?

Some successes are hard to quantify, like wellbeing, resilience, or social skills for example.

Can you show him the stats that girls do better in single sex schools (boys do better in mixed sex incidentally - so if his objection is based on any experience he has had of an all boys school that is irrelevant)?

I mean - becoming a ‘man-hating feminist’ would be something that would be the fault of negative experiences your daughter may have with men - not going to an all girls school. It’s also pretty rare and a really stupid fear that says more about him that anything else. In my town - I knew girls and boys at the single sex schools, and in general the girls from there were far keener on hanging out socially with boys, probably because they didn’t at school, but anecdotally they were all very confident high achieving girls and the ones I still know have healthy relationships with men.

It’s lucky your DH doesn’t have to go there isn’t it. Sounds like you have a very sensible dd who has made some very sound choices based on what is right for her. I would 100% respect this. Both of my DC chose their own secondary schools.

First and foremost, I have convinced my daughter that she will thrive wherever she goes (and I do believe it myself!), given that we are in the fortunate position that all the schools under consideration are at least good ones. She has her priorities, but she will be perfectly happy if she ends up going elsewhere. The final decision will be made after the 11+ exams, taking into account both her preferences and ours, which have a big overlap with some differences.

Why would she look out for her brother? It’s virtually impossible. If the girls school is of interest to her, try for it. At secondary she won’t be looking after a boy! Neither should she be expected to.

There are advantages to an all girls school, avoiding misogyny and sexual harassment from teen boys who have fallen down the Andrew Tate YouTube-hole into the manosphere being a major one! Statistically, girls do better at single sex schools. I'd let her make that choice.
Hope she gets into her/your 1st choice anyway!

DS did 6 taster days. I did 6 parents open evenings, then we compared notes.

Luckily we agreed on the school we liked best, and there was viable transport so we went with that one. It was a good choice and ds was mostly happy there.

I would put the girls school as first rather than second choice. She seems keener and then you have a safe option as your second choice.

I’m in Scotland so no choice to be made but I would crawl over hot coals if I could get my daughter into an all girls school. And I have a younger son. I think it would be a shame to give that up since that’s what she wants.

Yes, I would let my child have a say in choosing their school, but I wouldn’t leave the decision completely to them about whether they want to study abroad or in the country. I’d listen to what they want, consider their interests and needs, and then make the final decision together as a family.

We asked her opinion and took it into account but ultimately made the decision ourselves. However in this situation I would let her choose as she's choosing a better school than you are. You can't let her sibling hold her back; she'll (rightly) resent you for it. Choose the best school for each individual child. My first is very academic and there's no way her sister will get into the highly selective school she goes to and we knew that when we picked it. We'll choose the best school our second daughter can get into and there are some good ones to pick from but they wouldn't have been the right fit for DD1.

I let them choose from a carefully curated list. At the end of the day their decision making needs guidance, my DDs favourite school was the one with cupcakes at the open day!

But in your case she’s choosing the school that is best for her and your consideration is convenience for you! So I’d let her pick, that is simply not fair on her.

If you had some other sound reasoning it would be different.

Did you let your child choose their school?

Yes and it was a disaster! I regretted it so much (as did my daughter). She was initially at a different school I chose, but begged me to switch to her choice and I gave in and let her switch in Year 8. By the time we realised it was a huge mistake, we were stuck because she was in her GCSE years. She got good grades in the end, but hated her school with a passion.

My brother and I went to two primary schools at the same time, we hardly saw each other.

He then went to a boys' school and I went to the final primary and then the girls school.

One thing I really liked was that none of the teachers had ideas about who / what I was, I could be me (within the constraints of the school) whereas girls with older sisters were asked "Oh are you X's sister?"

I think it's important to get a child's input into schools, as a positive attitude affects how well they do there, but it's important to find out motivations and translate what the child really means in their choice. You can then override if it's in their best interest. Their personal best interests. They most important thing is to have a school that suits that child. If holidays don't quite line up then that really isn't sufficient reason to pick a school. It's not like they're small children and you have to juggle annual leave to cover childcare. Pretty soon they'll be teenagers looking after themselves on inset days with you messaging to remind them to empty the dishwasher.

The difference in her eyes between being at school 2 because that was the allocation and being at it because she had put it second as she wasn't allowed to go to the girls school might become vast. She might cling on to it with bitterness every time there is a bump in the road at the other school.

No. DD was quite keen on an enormous academy which I knew would be so wrong for her. I overruled her and she went to the small all girls school. Her GCSEs have exceeded our expectations due to the amazing support and focus from the school.

I’m very very sorry for DD in this scenario. It’s such a boost for girls to see girls in all the positions of responsibility in a school, it’s just ‘the way it is’ in all girl’s school.

Girls do better in all girls, boys do better in mixed. You are wanting your daughter to go to a mixed school for your convenience

please, please don’t do this.

Give your daughter the chance to do her absolute best. Please.

@AhBiscuits with respect all of the issues you have with school 3 are yours not your DD.

High Schools if their is a choice should be about what is best for the child and if school 3 is that then yes it should be second and none of your reasons don’t show that

I let both my children choose their secondary school. I’m not sure that was the right decision and I guess I’ll never know.

DD is very ambitious and she chose a fantastic independent school that she has been very happy at overall and came out with excellent results.

I wanted DS to go to the same school or at least one with a similar if not better ranking. He did all the entrance exams for various schools. Got offers from all of them but was determined to go to the local state school with his friends. So that’s where he went. It drives me mad because it’s nowhere near as good a school as the others he had offers from but he is happy and that’s the main thing. He is very clever so, fingers crossed, he does well educationally. We are fortunate that we can pay for tutors if he starts underperforming.

He passed the 11plus, it was a choice between the only grammar, amazing school and 2 independents. We visited all 3, I much preferred the grammar, but we let him choose, he chose the grammar.

I let my children choose. I explained the logistics - this one would mean getting 2 buses, this one is a 25 min walk etc but I let them make the choice.

Interesting post as Id pick the best school as opposed to what suits me best (if its not putting a nuclear bomb into our lives). It would then be a case of parent knows best.

I was chatting to a friend recently who turned down one of the best schools in the country because her friends were all going elsewhere. She told me her parents eventually got worn down by her tears and let her give the place up. Massive regrets on her part now. She doesnt blame her parents but she berates herself for giving it up.

Absolutely not. She was 10. It's a parental decision at that age.
I visited a huge range, then took her to see my shortlist.
Happily her favourite was also mine, but it wouldn't have mattered if it wasn't.
If you have options where there's no real difference and you have no strong opinion then fair enough, let them pick the one with the nicest biscuits or the one where they liked some child they met on the tour who probably won't even end up going there.

I would normally say that it's the parent's decision (with input from DC), but it seems that your DD has very clear and sensible ideas about schools, while you're considering her brother in a couple of years time, and your own convenience (I don't mean that unkindly, as I know that we can make things more complicated than they need to be, particularly when it comes to schools).

For what it's worth, please ignore the vague feelings of "girls schools are bitchy". Girls schools have huge advantages, imo:

Girls do not have to encounter any sexual harassment. This is real and it's endemic in most mixed schools.

Girls often adapt their behaviour in the presence of boys, for instance in adopting moderating roles in discussion, being reticent in voicing opinion, in their choice of subjects for study, and in their withdrawal from co-ed PE and sports activities. Girls are under pressure to "be kind" in all things. In all-girls schools, girls are more able to show leadership and take risks.

I agree with pp, that transport/inset days at secondary are not that big an issue, as they will be more independent. Find the best school for your DD, and then when the time comes, the best for DS.