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Original poster

After school detentions and the law?

90 replies

BoooForYou · 31/10/2018 16:41

Hi long time poster but name changed
(LTB, cancel the cheque etc etc)

DD is year 7. Had a bit of an altercation before half term, silly really. All got given their maths test results and DD was a bit upset by hers (maths is her worst subject).
A lad in her class kept driving her mad to give her result over, she said no so he pinched her and told her to get a grip. DD, and no excuses for this at all, slapped him back.
I got a call at 2.55pm on the last day of term, apparently boy had written a statement backed up by another girl. Fair enough. DD not asked for her side though so could I ask and arrangement made for me to pop in on Monday after holiday.
DD explained the pinching and said she knew she shouldn't have slapped him. We did punish her for this (no tv, phone or net for 3 days, early bedtime too).
Relayed what happened on Monday and was told a minor punishment of missing a class to be in isolation would be given. Did say it was a bit OTT, she has never been in trouble at all before, but told school takes a firm line. I thought both her and the boy would be given same.
Was told I would be called with an update regards this punishment after she had spoken to DD and the other 2 pupils.
Heard nothing but thought school is busy so would hear in due course.
Our car is in the garage so I've been meeting her halfway. She texts on the way too from 3pm.
Waiting today and no texts. Started to worry by 3.05 so walked up towards school. Still not texts and no answer on phone.
Got to school by 3.15, member of staff who watches them leave even expressed concern as no clubs tonight.
Went into office to be told she is in isolation, where she has been all day until 3.30 (30 minutes after school).
No one around without an appointment to speak to but Secretary did say I am meant to be informed.
Finally she came over at 3.35 with one of the isolation staff who I calmly said I had no notification of any after school detention or that she was being isolated all day. Wad told "oh, my bad". Totally didn't see why I was worried!
DD now very upset, no longer wants to go to school and to make matters worse, homework due today wasn't handed in as they refused to allow her to hand it as she was in isolation so now, due to school rule, she will get another detention.
I am so angry by this. I get the need to punish, but surely they are legally required to inform me?
I want to raise it with Governors, DH says no, don't be that parent.
Where do we stand?

OP posts:
Enigmam · 01/11/2018 16:51

What about the boy who started this all in the first place?

PacificOpal · 01/11/2018 16:34

Hopefully the school know the boy pinched her?

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 01/11/2018 16:25

I would also ask that as the boy pinched her and she hit him there is a change of seating plans for both of their benefits.

Original poster
BoooForYou · 01/11/2018 16:16

Sorry, thank you for your messages and suggestions, I've been meaning to reply but as is the law of sod, my car has broken down, my DS is ill and DD was so upset this morning she made herself sick.
DDs friends Mum gave me a call last night as her DS was so worried when he heard where she was. He has seen the boy involved in this incident be off with her at lunchtime. So, the Mum put me in touch with one of the parent Governors who deals with safeguarding.
Had a great chat and advice from her. She agreed legally the school don't have to inform, however, there has long been a precedent that they give 24 hours notice and explanation.
She also said the school have broken their own behaviour policy protocol by giving her a whole day in school exclusion. She said she would be raising that if it was her child as there have never been any concerns raised. She said as it has had such a negative effect I should email and ask to be debriefed as to why the punishment was so severe, why they didn't ask DD her side before punishing and why they failed to inform me.
With regards the maths homework, it was in that class the incident happened, and DD has now said she hates this class, it's far too fast paced, (it's 2nd from bottom group, she is really not confident in maths and previously at Primary school had extra lessons with a small group as she was struggling) and the teacher shouts at her. She said she feels she cant ask the teacher for help as she gets annoyed. Not a great situation.
I emailed the homework to her and explained that I felt she couldn't be subjected to a detention when she had been prevented from handing it in, and at the same time I asked politely if I could be told what her understanding of the incident was. Not had a response yet and not surprised as it's a school day.
I've emailed bullet points- very to the point -this is what we are concerned by, and what we would like to happen next. I received an acknowledgement within an hour so hopefully we will get to the bottom of it.

OP posts:
Satsumaeater · 01/11/2018 09:48

I don't think you are unreasonable to want to be notified, regardless of what the tories have decided is legally allowed

This. Fortunately a lot of schools do give 24 hours notice of detentions and so they should.

To be fair though your dd was lucky to only get an internal isolation for a slap. At my ds' school it would have been a day's exclusion.

Mirali · 01/11/2018 09:12

This isn’t political!
If you mean me mentioning the Tories i did so because i believe it was the tories who changed the law a couple of years ago to say that parents didn't need to be notified of after school detentions and i was saying i didn't agree with the change.

BubblesBuddy · 01/11/2018 08:50

What the law says and what a reasonable school should do are two different things. This isn’t political! It’s about common sense and working with the parents. It’s reasonable to inform parents of a y7 that the child is in detention after school. Missing the school bus would be an issue for many rural children. Non arrival of a child is always a worry. Schools should understand this. She also should have been allowed to say she was pinched by another child and harassed. This lack of a fair investigation teaches our children nothing. It’s really a form of bullying by the school. What does their Behaviour Policy say? Should they listen to both parties after an incident?

Do complain about the homework. If she completed it on time, she should have been allowed to hand it in. Some schools are more like prisons! Think God my DDs have now left school!

Mirali · 01/11/2018 08:43

Re the detention for not handing in homework that she wasn't allowed to hand in, I'd probably email to ask about that. My dcs' school seem to be pretty reasonable so they'd probably cancel it. Hopefully yours is too.

MaisyPops · 01/11/2018 08:41

BoooForYou
I agree. School should have let you know from a moral perspective but that's just my opinion.

Mirali · 01/11/2018 08:36

There was a similar thread recently.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/3400049-Keeping-a-child-after-school
I don't think you are unreasonable to want to be notified, regardless of what the tories have decided is legally allowed. 11 is quite young still. If it's a hassle for the school to notify parents they could tell the child to text their parent and let them know instead.
This would be less of an issue with my 11 year old as she walks home the whole way, so by the time she was late home she'd be able to text or answer a text to say she'd just left school and was running late.
Have you considered an app like Life360 where you can see where their phone (and hopefully your child) is? Then you'd be able to see they were still at school.

Original poster
BoooForYou · 31/10/2018 19:19

OK.
I just really wish they had of told me. I have no issue with DD being punished, I will always back the school up and support their stance (if obviously they have properly looked into whats happened), and she will receive a punishment at home too.
The Secretary was lovely, offered me a cup of tea I think she could see I was worried. She did say they usually contact the parent.
I think it was the "my bad" comment.
Thanks for the info though.

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 31/10/2018 17:55

Schools don't require consent for detentions. Many do out of courtesy but it's not a requirement.

Parents also don't have to be told that their child is in isolation either.

noblegiraffe · 31/10/2018 17:51

Here’s the government page that explains this: www.gov.uk/school-discipline-exclusions

noblegiraffe · 31/10/2018 17:49

Legally schools can keep your child after school without informing you, I’m afraid.

Generally schools do inform parents, but it’s a matter of courtesy rather than a requirement.

Hadalifeonce · 31/10/2018 16:45

I would certainly question why you weren't told about the isolation, as you were very worried when you couldn't contact your DD as she was late. I also would say that you wouldn't accept the detention regarding the homework which the school prevented your DD from handing in on time.

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