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Keeping a child after school

(32 Posts)
Lindaaelizabeth Sat 20-Oct-18 08:41:48

My grandson was late home from school, he has just started secondary school in September. My partner goes to meet him a road away. He came back and said there is no sign of him. My daughter and I went out looking for him. He wasn’t answering his phone. I was getting really panicky. My partner found him walking home about 30 minutes late. Apparently the school had kept him back to finnish some work. We were furious at not being told where he was. My daughter wrote a snotty message in his year book and the reply was, we can keep a child back for 15 minutes without letting you know. What is that about. In this day and age you are entitled to know where your child is at all times. He was in effect missing. Surely this can’t be right

OP’s posts: |
SweepTheHalls Sat 20-Oct-18 08:42:24

Perfectly right.

BertrandRussell Sat 20-Oct-18 08:43:43

Why wasn't he answering his phone?
What does the home/school agreement say about detentions?

BeautifulPossibilities Sat 20-Oct-18 08:44:32

So what consequences would you have given him instead?

clary Sat 20-Oct-18 08:45:54

Yes, quite correct. Schools don't need to give notice of after school detentions, longer than 15 mins tbh. A lot do, just for courtesy, but to finish some work from that day's lesson, probably easier to do it at once.

Bekabeech Sat 20-Oct-18 08:49:01

That's fine and should be covered in policies on the school's website. It certainly happened when I was at school.

My DC's school does not keep students after school without 24 hour notice, but this is because a lot of students rely on buses to get to school (partly rural catchment). Most short detentions take place in the school day.

Whilst meeting him on the way home might be "nice" it is babying him a bit, and he should be given a bit more freedom. Mobile phones are great for being informed when something has gone wrong, but at Secondary they should be able to dawdle and chat to mates on the way home, or try out alternate routes.

BertrandRussell Sat 20-Oct-18 08:55:16

What would you have done if he had hung around chatting to friends for a bit before setting off home?

Jackshouse Sat 20-Oct-18 08:57:40

So he was only 15 minutes late? I think your reaction is a bit of an overreaction. At 11 he should be able to chat to his friends, go to the library or go and talk to a teacher after school for a few minutes

If his Mum is over anxious then maybe she should ask the child to text him.

Personally I would be very annoyed with my child in year 7!messing around and the only note I would be sending to the school is one from my child apologising to the teacher. I would also be contacting the head of year to ask them to find out how he is behaving in other lessons.

NoSquirrels Sat 20-Oct-18 08:58:20

Why is he being met on the way home?

Cauliflowersqueeze Sat 20-Oct-18 08:59:55

Correct. Have a look at the school’s policy.

LIZS Sat 20-Oct-18 09:01:03

Where did the other 15 minutes go? Could he not have messaged when he left school? Does he really need meeting en route. Saying he was "missing" is somewhat melodramatic!

twoheaped Sat 20-Oct-18 09:03:54

I'd be asking why he didn't finish his work off during class time.
Teachers don't tend to keep kids after school just for being slow, I suspect there is some bad behaviour/lack of attention involved here.

HRTpatch Sat 20-Oct-18 09:04:13

"Snotty message:
Oh dear.

Rockbird Sat 20-Oct-18 09:04:49

I'd be worried too OP. My eldest starts high school next year and it's going to be a big transition. This early in year 7 you're all still finding your feet and I know I'm going to be worried about DD1 coming home on her own. It's just one of those things you have to learn to get used to I guess. You know exactly where they are at all times in primary, you lose that control in secondary.

CherryPavlova Sat 20-Oct-18 09:05:27

Yes, why is he needing to be kept back - it’s him you should be cross with. Why is anyone meeting him still?

Cachailleacha Sat 20-Oct-18 09:15:01

I wouldn't like my child to be kept back without a phone call in the first half term of year 7.

If they had a younger sibling at primary who was picked up by a parent, then they may be walking a new route alone for the first time. Parents may still want to know where they are and when to expect them home. Later in year 7 they may start staying at clubs or stopping on the way home, but some parents would still expect the child to text them even then.

Lindaaelizabeth Sat 20-Oct-18 09:15:33

He is being met as it is a long walk. We ate moving soon though and he will have to walk. I do baby him a bit as I love him to pieces. His behaviour in school is not in question. His mum is tougher on him

OP’s posts: |
noblegiraffe Sat 20-Oct-18 09:16:21

“Schools don’t have to give parents notice of after-school detentions or tell them why a detention has been given.”

The school is correct that they didn’t need to tell you, however usually parents are informed as a courtesy.

PortiaCastis Sat 20-Oct-18 09:42:14

He wasn't missing he was kept in, why didn't your partner go in the school and ask about the childs wheresbouts and why didn't he finish his work was he messing about in the lesson

Popfan Sat 20-Oct-18 12:20:33

Harsh replies - I'd be worried too if my 11 didn't appear when he was supposed to!

RedSkyLastNight Sat 20-Oct-18 12:43:55

1. Your child had a phone - he should have texted you to say he'd been kept after school.

2. Your child will not appreciate being "babied" for much longer

3. Meeting him on the way home means he has zero flexibility -what if he'd stopped to talk to friends, or needed to see a teacher, or wanted to do some work on the school computers, or decided there was an after school club he fancied going to...? You do need to be a bit less rigid!

Many children walk home from much younger ages than Year 7 - the school will expect that children can still make their way home without any issues if kept after school for 15 minutes.

Nephrite Sat 20-Oct-18 14:48:37

A lot of people have Find my Phone on the iphone or the Life360 app. You can then see where they are and it cuts out the panicking.

titchy Sat 20-Oct-18 14:56:24

* I do baby him a bit as I love him to pieces.*

And parent who treat their kids age-appropriately don't love them? 

Bekabeech Sun 21-Oct-18 15:08:56

At my DCs school if you inform the school that your child needs to collect younger siblings then they get a card which they can show to make sure they leave promptly (eg if the class is being kept a couple of minutes to tidy up).

My DC had a 40/45 minute walk. And it was scared on day one but you quickly got used to it, and they learnt to phone/text if delayed.

rainingcatsanddog Sun 21-Oct-18 15:25:12

It's up to your son you text you that he'll be late because of a detention.

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