GCSEs 2018 (15) The Reckoning

gettingtrimmer I've just read a bit of that first thread - yikes!

It's a massive no-no for me, telling me I'm too invested in my children. How can I be "too" invested?? They're my CHILDREN! I gave up my career to be a SAHM (DH's job very incompatible with childcare/other work), we've spent a great deal of money on them, as has the State, and they are going to be citizens and taxpayers and voters and parents and leaders themselves. It would be a shit parent that wasn't invested in their kids.

We just all do it in different ways
DH really upset me a few weeks ago saying that I micro-manage our children. He meant that I do stuff like remind DS2 to clean his teeth at night (he is 14, has braces, loves sweets, and is incredibly idle) - why on earth would I just let him go for weeks without brushing and end up with decay? Or checking that DS1 has replied to all the emails from his new Sixth form - if he doesn't they will assume he doesn't want the place so of course I'm going to try and be on top of that.

My close friend has a dreadful relationship with her lovely 16yo boy. She never pushes him to do anything, but then moans at him when he sits around and doesn't do any chores. He has not taken up loads of the opportunities offered at school because he's a bit laidback and no one has encouraged him. He now admits to his gf that he regrets not doing those things and wishes someone had pushed him more. It makes him cry a lot His mum is always on his back, but for really trivial stuff, she never ever tries to help him with his onward journey through school and says "it's his life, he'll manage", which breaks my heart as I can see him leaving Home and not wanting to return. It's such a tough world, why wouldn't a parent do everything they could to help their child achieve their potential? Whether that's by helping with essays, reading books, paying for tutors, driving to sports clubs, nagging school for SEND help, researching revision aids, cooking a nice breakfast on exam days, organising a good study area, praising their efforts, listening to their future plans, taking them seriously, etc etc. She thinks I am overly invested in my kids but I don't care and just try to let her son (who is also friends with my son) know subtly that there are other adults he can talk to if he needs to. Her background is very different from mine and I think she has a bit of a chip on her shoulder about money and status. Her DS wants to go to uni and while she says she's proud, it can feel like she's deliberately sabotaging it because she subconsciously thinks it will turn him into a snoooty type who won't then want to know his family.

Sorry, this was a bit ranty Can you tell I'm home alone with lots to do but in need of distraction!!

Halfway up Snowdon on a coolish day (thankfully) earlier this week. Not quite as dramatic as Norway but not bad

Yes DS is going to have a bit of a shock when he comes back! I'm going to be working more hours from September and he needs to step up! I think I'll start preparing a list. So far his break has consisted of reading, gaming, music lessons/performances, and now the tour. Nothing very altruistic about any of that.
Stickerrocks thanks so much for the picture - It's just how I imagine Norway...you must have had a lovely trip. I am jealous!

AChickencalledKorma I share your cunning plan!

Yes, I was the poster called DoNotBringLulu! The thread attracted some comments to say the least that were telling me I am over invested, which is rubbish; all any of us want to do is support the best we can with their compliance. I was really looking for a discussion on revision and how to support dc and these threads have been great for help and guidance with that. Thanks to everyone who contributed and continued posting.

TheThird I think that's brilliant re your ds! My ds is similar NCS would not suit him. I need to encourage baby steps with my ds; he has now got the train on his own to Grandparents in order to help them (no way he had the confidence to get the train alone last year), he's helping more with cooking and housework and taken up some exercise, even though it is throwing a ball in the garden and on his punch bag. All going in the right direction. I did look for something similar for Geography re the Physics summer school, but nothing offered as far as I could see.

I would say there is social anxiety as he is liked by others - I witnessed handshakes and 'man hugs' at the prom, all friendly; he just doesn't do gossip and small talk and feels he hasn't got much in common with people. I hope all of us with dc who feel like this find their way in 6th form with like minded people.

Cblue and teen thank you for information on Barcelona, will pm you CBlue. Great recommendation for the bus - sounds good, especially as it may reduce walking to attractions - my dh has tendonitis which has caused a swollen foot and he can't walk too far at the moment.

Third DD1 is doing similar. She'll be volunteering with our church playscheme, a week at a residential summer school which has an academic focus but is based at an outdoor pursuits centre, so I'm sure they'll do a bit of team-building/falling off logs etc. The only thing she doesn't really get is the week of fending for themselves in a hall of residence but I have a cunning plan to encourage her to step up her contribution to the shopping, laundry and cooking while I'm at work .

Juggling I hope she does have a good week. Whatever happens, she'll undoubtedly learn some good lessons about living communally which will come in handy when she's in a hall of residence or her first house share!

Well done Thirds DS.

This summer DD has had a flying visit to Cornwall & taster days at college, a week in Norway, a week driving me up the wall, 3 weeks of NCS (Newquay, local uni & home-based) and then reality will bite when she has to go to work for 3 days each week.

I've also been harsh. DD was having a wobble about keeping her job in the autumn, as she may have to compromise on a few other things we do at the weekends. A friend had asked her to go Twickenham with them for a day and I had to remind her that she is committed to work. She seriously considered giving up her job until I pointed out that I wasn't willing to give her the £100 a month she would no longer be earning. She turned down the chance of going to Twickenham.

NCS would not have been suitable for DS2, so we have encouraged him to create his own version.

• Orchestra tour to Germany (one friend and a few acquaintances going too)

• Volunteering at the library

• Physics Summer School (non-residential) where he will know nobody.

He has never been abroad without us (or my parents) and this is the first time he has chosen to go on a residential school trip (not counting compulsory ones) so this is definitely expanding his bubble!

@GettinTrimmer
I second the hop on hop off buses in Barcelona- brilliant. I have family in that part of Spain so go out there every year and still get the bus tour. If you book advanced tickets you may struggle to find the collection point in plaza Catalana so drop me a PM. Get the Barcelona Bus Touristic.

Sagrada familia is an absolute must but you def need advanced tickets
I would also get advanced tickets for port aventura - it's cheaper that way

Tarragona may not be on your radar but it should be if you like history. It's a Roman town with an old amphitheater, forum, museums. Not a very touristy town by comparison with most places along the coast. I am pretty sure that you can get a train there from sitges. They have a pass (MHT) that gives you access to all the sites and is cheap. It's a town small enough to walk round so no public transport needed to see everything when you are there

Sitges itself is pretty much like all the resorts along that stretch.
... except it has some nudist beaches so beware. I think you will be there for their main festival - Festa Mejor (google it)......never miss a festival

If you want to know anything drop me a PM and I will help if I can.

Terf that summed up my feelings last night.
Peggy Tesco value pasta - not even Waitrose essentials?? Child cruelty. It is truly amazing she survived to expand her bubble
Thank you all so very much. It does feel like the right decision and it did in the hours before she went - it was just when I saw her barely 6 stone 5'7" body heading off I lost faith in it and needed your support. And I got it. You are an amazing bunch - though I already knew that from the encouragement we have give each other through the exams.

Here you go Loose. This was my view early one morning last week. I can honestly say that Norway is the most beautiful place that I have ever been too, and I'm Cornish born & bred, so biased towards my own part of the world.

Peggy Not Tesco value pasta???
DS would pretty much eat anything. He's just been dropped off for his German trip and while I'm glad he's doing something productive, it will be a bit strange not having him around for a few days. It feels like he's been off school forever!

juggling it sounds like you and DD have handled it well. If it goes pear shaped she can easily contact you for support or a lift home!

I realised one of mine had been brought up in a bubble when she rang from France on the first night of a school ski trip. They had a really awful journey with delayed flight and the bus getting caught in a snowdrift. She rang in tears and said,

“Please come and get me. The hotel is awful. There’s mildew in the bathroom and stains on the sheets. When we got here the dinner was cold sausages and pasta. Not nice pasta but like Tesco value pasta “

It was an easy decision as I obviously couldn’t get her from the French Alps. I persuaded hungry, homesick, exhausted child to put on her ski jacket, lie on the bed and go to sleep because it would be better in the morning.

Since then she has been on other trips, worked part time, volunteered, gone to uni, lived in an awful shared house in a big city and now has a job. So her bubble is definitely bigger now.

We have been to the area quite a few times (I love Barcelona), we have stayed in Barcelona Centre ...slightly more south of Barcelona (Salou for Portaventura theme parks etc) and north Santa Susanna (because there are some nice hotels at affordable prices and the train journey is lovely a long the coast).
I have found the area is great for teens it offers everything ..I would recommend pre booking entry tickets for places like Sagrada Familia because the queues are very long and not pleasant in the summer...also cafes around the main attraction area tend to be very expensive even for soft drinks so take water with you... we have also used the hop on hop off buses which work really well and you can interlink different lines.... Its also the capital of pick pockets so just ensure you have somewhere safe to keep money...you will find an excessive amount of beggars on the metro just ignore them when they leave tissues nest to you on the metro/train etc.

The market (fruit/fish etc) in La Rambla is also worth visiting...have a great time...

Juggling so glad she's happy so far and things have calmed down - proves you were right! Hope she has a blast for week 2!
Terf couldn't agree more!
All this talk of Amsterdam and Barcelona makes me wistful for places I haven't seen for a while - and determined to do something about it.
I would love to go to Norway, though!

So glad she is having a better time juggling! X

This is now officially my fave thread EVER on any forum
This is what parenting support looks like. Not blindly agreeing, or dismissing, but sharing and asking and explaining.
We are all brilliant parents because we CARE about the decisions we're making. Thanks xxx

What exciting times our DCs are having.
Had a call to say that they all have their own rooms and access to a kitchen and she has been actively involved in meal prep and cooking.
There has obviously been a crack down as no-one is allowed in to anyone else's room and if there are more than 5 people assembled in the common room a mentor must be present.
She is sad to report than one of the two boys who were ostracised and bullied last week has not returned. She is glad that she went as so far so good.
A massive thanks for all for your support( yes even the one who said they would not have forced their DC - it was less forced than made it clear I expected her to see it through but......). Mumsnet, at times of crisis, you rock!!

terfterf thank you for the info on NUS card

Hi all

JugglingMummy I hope your dd has a better time this week at NCS; I've only heard good things about it other than your dd's experience. It's character building not to give up on something as you say.

Sticker I hope your dd has a great 3 weeks.

My ds has been with Grandparents a lot working in their massive garden; they are 87 and 88 and their garden keeps them going even though it is just too much at this time of year. They love having ds there - teaching him all about plants and getting him to dig potatoes, feed tomatoes, cut back weeds, whitewash the greenhouses etc. Other than that he is having a pretty quiet time; I am hoping 6th form college will bring new friends with plenty in common with him.

We go on holiday to Sitges close to Barcelona week after next and I can't wait! Has anybody been to that area? Ds likes open spaces and dd likes pool, beach and food. I just want to see Barcelona especially the architecture. Here's to hoping this is a holiday where there's something for everyone!

DD is off on her 3 weeks on Monday. One of the local groups is busy promoting their family fun day and another group was busking for charity in the city centre this morning. I would have done exactly the same as you.

EllenJane we went to Amsterdam and then De Kempervennen last year. Both were great.

I've only ever heard positive stories about ncs but hopefully that particular crowd will have calmed down for week 2 (or left!)
DS1 is off on a short music tour to Germany tomorrow, which means an early start for us but he'll have a great time! DS2 will be delighted to have the computer to himself.

DD is at the end of week 3 of her NCS, but it is specifically for her school sixth form so she knows most of the kids. First week she was annoyed with some of the people she was sharing with staying up late chatting, but she enjoyed the activities, and food was good but portions perhaps slightly on the small side. She loved week 2, staying in halls and self catering - she is a pretty good cook anyway and her group made healthy balanced meals and had a lot of the budget left over.

I really hope your DC enjoy their experiences.