GCSEs 2018 (15) The Reckoning

Only 18 months between your two mmzz...that is full on!

Aargh! "You didn't tell me to"!!
My reply is always "I don't tell you to wipe your bum either"

Oh yes Third I have to text precise instructions otherwise nothing would be done! Doesn't occur them to do anything chores related.

I may have already posted about this on here, sorry if I'm repeating myself.

Ten days ago I had a meeting after work and got home at 7ish. The older two (Y13 and Y11) had been home all day. The younger two had been home since 4ish. When I got home, an entire dishwasher's worth of dirty crockery/glasses were stacked on the kitchen surface above the dishwasher.

DS1 had gone out, so I asked DS2 why he hadn't put the stuff in the dishwasher (instead of on top of it) put it on when full and then emptied it.
"You didn't tell me to."

After DS1 and DS2 return home on Monday, I'm going to have to make my expectations clear. All of my children are now 14 or over, and are capable of clearing up after themselves. This is not a hotel.

I'm lucky in some ways that I work in a school so I get longer (unpaid) holidays. I haven't been able to make the most of the time after the exams as while all 3 boys have been home, I still had work. My school finished really early last week so we went away this week. It's the first holiday in the summer I've taken with the boys that isn't normally staying with friends in Cornwall.

I do have friends that can afford lots of holidays, but they all have something about their lives that isn't perfect, DC with SN, health issues, worry about their marriage, elderly parents to care for, etc. They are all lovely people though, and I can't begrudge them. When ExH has expensive holidays but takes the kids to Weymouth that pisses me off!

I'm with you Sticker. I got home from work to carnage in the kitchen. DD likes making pancakes so there was a trail of batter, sugar, lemons, nutella plus loads of other dishes and pans.

I exploaded so they loaded dishwasher and walked away leaving rest of dirty dishes. I shouted at them to come back and WASH UP. "How?" Said ds. DD gave instructions until she was told to get a tea towel and wipe up and put away
How retro
I was so mad they didn't argue.

Sost I haven't posted about the rows about DD putting on the washing at 5pm, not doing any chores and generally treating the house like a hotel. She goes from one extreme to another and is treating her home time as an excuse to do nothing. Very frustrating when I'm at work everyday & would appreciate not having yo empty the dishwasher before thinking about cooking. (I'm whinging now).

Sostenueto it's good to hear from you. The hospital placement sounds really useful and relevant for her future career plans. Don't underestimate the value of a supportive, involved grandparent. Without mine I would not have achieved what I have.

sost friends of ours have long haul, exotic holidays abroad at least 3 times a year. Their DS had a major tantrum this year as he didn’t want to go and wanted to go and see Plymouth Argyle play football instead!!

Sost I know where you are coming from, my ds is not doing anything other than lazing around, gardening for Grandparents and a week's holiday. I too have felt he is missing out. But I am seeing developments - no quibbles when being asked to do housework, wrapping up his Grandma's Birthday present and writing in the card and getting the train on his own. In a couple of years time having grown in confidence who knows what he will achieve. All credit to your dgd for taking the initiative and organising her work placement.

@Sostenueto
Great to have you back - you have been missed!

I also want to echo that it's not all about money and trips. DD has been away with her DF this week (another single parent until a few years ago- it's actually my anniversary today!) and she would far sooner have stayed home.
Next week DD and I are off to USA on our own for 2 weeks and then that's it. No more breaks. No trips. I have one week of annual leave during the exam results period which we will spend nail biting.

You are seeing us all write about trips, holidays, tours etc but that's between all of us - I don't suppose there's a single one of us whose DC is spending the summer holiday going from one thing to another. And I don't suppose there's a single one of our DC who would want to either

Your DGD has excellent work experience lined up which will help her in the future far more than a trip to XYZ (insert UK town here) with a DF that she doesn't even like very much!

Your DGD has the most important thing of all - a loving supportive family, and no amount of money in the world can buy that.
You are a

Sost - I think DCs definitely needed some down time over the summer holidays and as long as your DGD is doing what she wants that is all that matters....and I think? you live on the coast so why pay for a holiday when you have it on your doorstep...I would dearly love to live closer to the coast. I also think its understandable to have exam result nerves.

I am an older mum, 41 when I had DD so I was determined to make the most of the school holidays whilst I had the energy and I;ve voluntarily run a travel group in my spare time for the last 11 years which has in turn made me a very savvy traveler and its also allowed DD to do some of the things I cant...she skies/snowboards/abseiling etc because others kindly take care of her given I take care of all the other arrangements.

DD seems to be maturing by the minute (I have had my doubts and have not found parenting easy -not good at biting tongue and definitely harder when DD has two homes and parents who have split). She just seems to be growing with confidence day by day and I was super impressed with her on holiday when she stated that most of the teens were smoking and she had the confidence to not follow the pack even when pressurized just to try....

Thankfully happy to leave DD to stay at hotel alone tonight and I can give the plane spotting a miss and get back to the washing!

Oh Sost - I'm the one who started all this NCS stuff with my plea for support on Thursday. I am also the one who said I wished DD had a grandparent like you months ago. You rock!
DD is a home body too and I am sure the hospital placement your DGD has organised for herself will be even better than any NCS course when it comes to her getting a place in Medicine. I think they are all having those 'what if' feelings at the moment reference results.
I am giving you this because you are one - for the support you give and the bravery you have shown.

Sost so glad to see you and now-full-grown Pup! It is too hot and I’m fed up with it. I think your dgd would much rather be near you at the moment than roaming around. It’s brilliant that she organised and did her work placement. Wish DS had that much gumption. And she knows you are always there for her.
Also, it’s really understandable for dcs to be unsure at the moment because they can’t make plans till they know definitely what they’ll be doing next. I’m just relieved that DS does appear to be sure of his A level choices. Until we see the results, perhaps!

All your holiday snaps are giving me wanderlust! DH and I have 5 days in the Lake District to look forward to, it's the only chance we have to get away together.
DS flew to Holland this morning (4am drop off at the airport!), DD is still unpacking from getting back from Y9 Camp yesterday.
DS gets back from Holland on Thursday, collects his bike and stuff from school Friday lunchtime, and by teatime he's off to scout jamboree. The washing machine won't know what's hit it. Then on the Saturday we're dropping DD at the airport to fly to Morocco to climb the Atlas Mountains with Explorer scouts.
At least they are having a great summer, I on the other hand, having twiddled my thumbs all term time, have work every Monday and Friday over summer hols. Annoying timing but the money will help.

Engaged adult input is SO much more important than holidays and expensive extras! Sost you were there for every day of dgd's exams, supporting and listening. Whatever happens, she will remember that as being a stressful time that was made easier by having you there.
My kids have travelled a LOT, but DH works in the industry so gets all the perks and freebies and whatever. But DS2 would, given the choice, rather stay in a caravan park on the south coast with snooker table, arcade and a pool than fly long haul to a strange country. And our camping holidays are the ones that get talked about the most. I just want to go on a luxury AI by myself but perks like that never seem to materialise!

I've stupidly agreed to organise refreshments for an end of season cricket fun morning for DS2 and I have to be there in 20 mins and I'm not dressed aaargh!

Hi sost. So glad your treatment is over and I hope not-pup-any-more is taking care of you.

I'm sorry you feel down about some of our dcs summers. I completely know how you feel as until 3 years ago I couldn't really give dd much in the way of extra curricular activities or holidays. I've been a single parent since pregnancy and chose to work part time to spend more time with her so we had to make our own fun and holidays were mostly a tent in Wales in the rain . We had fun though.

My mum had a large inheritance a few years ago and chose to split it between me and my brother which meant I could pay off my mortgage and finally do the travelling I didn't do because I got pregnant.

I'm so grateful to my mum for giving us this opportunity while dd is still willing to come with me and this holiday has felt a bit like a last chance to spend time with her before she wants to start holidaying with friends (although she told me she'll keep coming for as long as I keep paying!)

But I do know what it's like to feel like you can't give dc opportunities others are having. Dd went to our local requires improvement rubbish comp because I couldn't pay the travel pass to to the better school and I talked her out of food tech GCSE for financial reasons.

Of course now I'm worrying that she's getting spoiled and forgetting the value of money so I will never be happy!

Don’t feel down sost, NCS is the first thing my DD has done since exams finished, rest of the time has been spent alternating between lounging in bed and watching Youtube she has only met up with her school friends once and prom was a disaster. Tbh, I thought she might back out of NCS as she was feeling very down during and post exams. NCS isn’t for everyone, I can’t comment on behaviour of other DC who went, as usual DD has only provided limited information. Your DGD isn’t missing out sost - aww love the picture of pup, I mean dog

Am loving holiday pictures and various experiences! Absolutely lovely that all is having good times! My post might have sounded depressing but rest assured dgd is a home bird and loves being round mine. Its just how I feel maybe more than she feels.
Its extremely hot here which I don't like but am up and about today almost getting gback to normal and awaiting final results after treatment ( should know very soon). Dog is now no longer a pup and us one year old!

Morning all!
This is indeed a supportive and fantastic thread!
I feel a bit down as dgd hasn't done half as much as some DC on here! Its all we can do to get her out of bed! She is enjoying hospital placement, visiting friends, having sleepovers but generally lazing around. I noticed she has changed a lot lately as if she is very hesitant about the future. I think she is overly worrying about exam results as the time gets closer. I said worry will not help as what is done is done and nothing is the end if the world! But my illness hasn't helped though I'm pretty strong when family are around but I do feel that lack of money deprives her of lits of things like holidays and adventures. NCS would not been for her ( a friend who is on one is having trouble on her course based in Essex with out of control dc) and sometimes we feel dgd is missing out compared to others

Oops! Forgot picture.

love the white t shirt at the back!

Sorry to hear about the bad NCS experience. Hope others have had a good time. No NCS for dd because she couldn't quite fit it in with holiday and family commitments.

We're on day 21 of our holiday. Just 4 days to go. It's been amazing. We particularly loved borneo. This week we've trekked up a volcano which we're counting as geography summer homework! Dd hasn't been able to walk since but I'm hoping snorkelling today will sort her out

We haven't given gcses or results day a thought so I'm hoping by the time we get back the last month will go quickly.

Living all the holiday snaps. This pic is from the first place we went - a week of post exam relaxation and no wifi