Please help me process what on earth went on with me and DP last night

You're much better off without him.

The outfit in your photo is lovely, by the way. Now that I've read all your posts, I'm even more certain that you're better off without him. He's just horrible and you're too good for him.

Yes, end it for your own wellbeing. There's something deeply wrong with that man.

Omg get rid of this horrible man now. It will only get worse

I think you've not carried on like before grovelling, apologising first, keeping the peace - that's to be commended and you've sorted it sooner rather than later.
Well done you!

And happy birthday 🎈 for yesterday, here's to another year to be happy without misery guts bringing you down in his flip flops!!!

What strikes me most is how much time, attention and energy you've spent on this person and this relationship at your own expense - treating his self-centred, disrespectful, borderline misogynist and frankly kind of bonkers behaviour and comments as if you could make sense out of them if only you wracked your brain and reexamined every nuance looking for some hidden key. It's natural to want to understand what went wrong so you don't repeat any mistakes in a future relationship but I think you already have all the info you need. Keep him blocked and gone and move forward with your own life!

From what you've said here, it seems like he isn't mature enough to be in a relationship. You dressed up for your birthday dinner, at your house. Even if this isn't something he appreciates or wants, YOU have every right to wear what you like, mark the occasion, dress in a way that feels natural to you makes you feel good about yourself. What is his response? Essentially, "WAAAH! ME ME ME ME ME !!!!" His failure to even show up for your last birthday (and slyly checking afterwards to make sure he really did "ruin" it) and incidents like this: I gave him a hug while he was sitting down and he said ‘stop putting your big boobs in my face are you wearing a real bra for a change’ (textbook "negging") might go even further. He centres himself, but he also seems to intend to belittle, undermine, and hurt you.

Michael Jackson is, for whatever reason, really getting a lot of airplay right now. If he wishes to boycott Jackson fine, but he cannot control what is played, only (to some extent) what he hears. If he hear Jackson playing at his partner's house, the normal and logical thing to do would be to politely point out his objections and ask for the soundtrack to be changed, not to go absolutely mad and rant and rave and waste an entire evening blethering very unpleasantly about nothing (since the song he heard had not been played by you, and no one else was in the house to ask about it).

I suspect that your now-ex cannot bear to have the attention on anyone but himself, even on your birthday, and therefore must turn it back to himself even if it's purely negative attention. I read your OP thinking "this is an infant, and you are not his mother. Don't date an infant!" But it's worse than that: this is an emotional infant who doesn't seem to like you much and at least sometimes seems to deeply you.You've told him how his behaviour and comments impact you and that something needs to change in the relationship, and he essentially says "no", so there's no hope. You're well rid of him.

I guarantee your DD’s behaviour will improve with him not around.

Good for you OP. You deserve more

Of course it's the end dump him

anyone whose first reaction to seeing you look dressed up is to be angry that he is not dressed up doesn’t deserve to be in your life.

The rest isn’t good, too, but this really stands out for me.

the argument is such a red herring. You argue. He says things to hurt you. He told you off for how you dressed on your own birthday AND he sparks up an argument after an hour of watching telly together out of the blue?

this man does not like you. Don’t like living with a salty teenager make a dickhead of a man seem like a nice option. Teens can be twats but that man? A lifetime of unhappiness awaits.

Communicating with him is like handing him the bullets to shoot you with. It’s self sabotage. He will twist and DARVO everything to hurt you. You will look desperate showing any emotion and he will sniff that vulnerability to exploit and get a punishing dig in.

Be indifferent, distant, detached. Look to your own inner life for solace, support and strength. There are no answers with him.

You're playing with fire OP. If you really want it to be over you need to stop supplying him with what he wants.....attention.

Good luck now (with the tool picking up his tools), and well done for not letting his mood ruin things anymore!

"descalate" "initiate apologies"? Why are you even letting him into your house?

Please be careful when he comes round.

You don't need to justify finishing it.

IMHO he is not going to suddenly realise he was in the wrong.

You need to stop communicating with him. He doesn't care, it's just annoying you even more. Nothing you say will change him or the situation. Cutting him off mid flow will piss him off as he won't get to whine further.

It will be interesting to see how your DD responds to the news of your break up. I would watch her actions, facial expressions as much as her words. I am sure she will be pleased to have her Mum back - not the diminishing, preoccupied one who has been around for the last 2 years. I would also tell her that he has been disrespectful and abusive to you and that you took too long to finish it. It will be good role modelling to her.

Is she waiting for GCSE results? Does she have a new college / chapter opening up?

The back and forth now and your determination to “tell him what he has done” is pointless. There is no way to communicate with these kind of men. You will not convince him, he will not change and he will not take responsibility. He is replying now because he knows he went too far, too soon. He is now trying to get you back in a position so he can continue to grind you down. They get pleasure from it.

Leave his stuff outside, bolt the door and block. Focus on you. Decide you don’t want and will not allow someone like that to have access to your life. It’s not a teachable moment for someone like him and it is not your problem to manage.

It might not, as they are magical, marvellous and utterly contrary creatures, but seeing as whilst you were sure your DD would be horrible to you but she complimented you on your appearance yesterday, it could be that getting this twat out of your lives makes for a far better relationship with her.

After all, if he's been like this to you, what's to say that he hasn't been horrible to her - or been stirring things up to isolate you away from somebody old enough to recognise an utter prick but too young to be able to hide it?

Yes thats definitely the end. There's no reason to be putting up with that crap.

He's just using you as an emotional punch bag because he's shitty about other things but you're the easy target. Men like this get worse and worse. So many angry, shitty little men in the world aren't there?

He’s rude to you and never mind all the MJ stuff, he’s disrespectful and hasn’t been supportive. He is the weakest link Goodbye!

Please play Billie Jean when he collects his shit. Or at the very least, once he has got his shit and out the door.